Legend of Zelda: Millennium Puzzle of Time
by Tulip-Jin
Summary: The Yugioh Cast, for your entertainment, are UNhappy to present...Yugioh does Ocarina of Time! Is there any hope left for Hyrule...when it has to be saved from evil by the King of Games instead of the Hero of Time?...DIE, writer's block!
1. Of Narrators and YamiFairies

Disclaimer: "Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; Persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; Persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR."

...Oh, and Zelda is not owned by us. As if THAT wasn't obvious enough already...

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_Once upon an autumn morning, Tulip-Jin was happily typing._

Tulip-Jin is seen pounding her fists into a keyboard.

"Stupid piece of junk! Why-won't-you-LOAD?"

_And then she got a wonderful idea: why not combine two things which she felt near and dear?_

Tulip-Jin pauses in her abuse of the keyboard, blinking.

"You're kidding, right? C'mon, I already did that. Mint chocolate-chip ice cream in Mountain Dew! Mmm...the food of queens!"

_Putting the cast of one setting into another, what a glorious crossover!_

Yami Tulip-Jin enters the room.

"What's with the voiceover, aibou?"

Tulip-Jin shrugs.

"Damned if I know."

_Yu-Gi-Oh combined with the Legend of Zelda, now that was her best idea ever!_

Yami Tulip-Jin appears more confused with every passing second.

"Why does he sound like Dr. Seuss?"

"...Do I want to know why you know what Dr. Seuss is?"

_And so our Authoress set to writing a thrilling story of magic and fighting -_

"OI!" bellows Tulip-Jin, interrupting the narrative, "Who are you and WHY are you in my house? And enough with the lame rhyming - or else there's a large pointy stick-err, large pointy FRIEND of mine that I'll need you meet. Severely and repeatedly."

_...What? Haven't you heard of an opening narrator? I build suspense and generate interest for the story!_

"I'm interested in seeing what aibou does to you with that stick," Yami Tulip-Jin offers, "She was sharpening it yesterday..."

_Hmph! Be that way, then. If you people can't handle decent narration, then I'm leaving!_

"Are you actually going to write this thing, aibou?" Yami Tulip-Jin inquires once the would-be narrator has vanished.

"You know, I DID have an idea for a crossover recently..."

Tulip-Jin laughs.

"Yami, go! Fetch me a cast! I feel _inspiration_ coming on! Muwahaha!"

"Man, and I just KNOW that this is the idea aibou was up laughing about until 3AM the other day," Yami Tulip-Jin grumbles as she heads off with a big net.

(a-HEM. Let's try this intro thing again, shall we?)

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Long ago in the land of Hyrule, deep within the Kokiri Forest, there lived the Kokiri and the Great Deku Tree. The Kokiri were the children of the Great Deku Tree, and each had a guardian fairy as a companion. However, one Kokiri did not have a guardian fairy…

…But hey, we're getting ahead of ourselves here.

One bright and beautiful morning, a crimson fairy was hanging around the Great Deku Tree and arguing with him, just as he had done every single morning since his unfortunate arrival in the forest.

"For the love of anything, please try and convince her to change me back to normal! I want my hands back!"

"And for the fiftieth time, Yami Yuugi," the tree replied irritably, "Do I look like I have that kind of leverage? If I could ask for favors like that, do you think I'd be hanging around here?"

The Great Deku Tree sighed, then continued, "I do have some good news for you..."

"Someone broke the Millennium Puzzle, sending me back to the Shadow Realm again?" Yami Yuugi asked hopefully.

The Great Deku Tree chose not to dignify that particular question with an answer.

Instead he said, "You've been assigned to a kid in the Kokiri Village that doesn't have a fairy yet. Oh, and when you've found him, I need to see the two of you right away."

"Woo-hoo," Yami replied with zero enthusiasm, "Fine, where is this fairy-less person in need of a free light bulb?"

"This time of day?" the Great Deku Tree said, "Still in bed. Second-story treehouse. You can't miss it."

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Feeling extremely frustrated, Yami Yuugi fluttered the pathetic little wings of his pathetic fairy body and zipped off towards the village.

There was only one house with the room on the second story. And in the bed was the kid - an unbelievably familiar kid. Even if he did have pointed ears now. And what was up with that pointy hat? But we digress.

"Yuugi!?" Yami Yuugi exclaimed, landing on the boy's head.

"…'go-way," Yuugi mumbled in his sleep, "Five more minutes grampa…"

Yami Yuugi thought for a moment. Then he cleared his throat and spoke, doing a passable imitation of Yuugi's grandfather's voice.

"_**Yuugi! I made omelets! Hurry up before they turn greenish-purple like the last batch!**_"

Yuugi shot out of bed in an instant, throwing Yami to the floor.

."No, don't melt the stove again Grandpa!" Yuugi yelled, still half-asleep, "Remember what the fire department said! …Grandpa? Huh?" .

"Ow," Yami Yuugi grumbled from his new spot on the floor.

"Yami?" Yuugi blinked, picking his counterpart off the floor for a better look, "What happened to you?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Yami Yuugi said, shaking off the pain and started an orbit around Yuugi's head (in the way that fairies do), "But if you must know, I'm now your official guardian 'fairy' - as little sense as _that_ makes - and...oh, and you have to go see the Great Deku Tree."

"Really?" Yuugi said, "Okay…when exactly do I have meet with the Great Deku Tree, Yami?"

"About right now," Yami said, and promptly had to grab Yuugi by the shoulder of the boy's green tunic as the boy yelped and bolted for the door.


	2. Seeing the Deku Tree: Or maybe not

Tulip-Jin: Yay! Time for the next chapter!  
  
Yami Tulip-Jin: (points index finger in air and makes circles with it) Woo-hoo.  
  
TJ: Hey, somebody's gotta cheer for this chapter! Chibi's off playing Extreme Bingo, whatever that is, so hup to it you lazy yami!  
  
Yami TJ: (eye twitches) Why should I, huh?  
  
TJ: (evil smirk) Because I just so HAPPEN to have in my hands...A DVD containing the first quarterfinals battle in Battle City. And you DO know who duels who, right Yami?  
  
Yami TJ: (blinks as she thinks about this) Hmm...lemme see, there's evil ghosts...eyeballs and teeth in the sky...SNUGGLE-WUGGUMS! MY PWECIOUS WIDDLE SNUGGY-WUGGY IS DUELING! (lunges for the DVD) GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMME!  
  
TJ: (holding DVD out of reach) Uh-uh! No cheering, no DVD!  
  
Yami TJ disappears into Millennium Mace in flash of light. Reappears in second flash of light in black cheerleading clothes.  
  
Yami TJ: Gimmie a F! Gimmie a IC! That spells FIC! YAY FIC!  
  
TJ: ...Okay, I'VE been fully traumatized for one day... (tosses Yami TJ the DVD) As for the rest of you...time for the fic itself!  
  
Disclaimer: Authoress doesn't own Yugioh or Zelda. (Well that was a big fat DUH)

* * *

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Before they got very far from Yuugi's tree house, a familiar blond-haired girl ran to intercept him.  
  
"Yuugi! Wait up!"  
  
"Rebecca?!" Yuugi yelped as he skidded to a stop, barely keeping from running into her.  
  
"Wow, Yuugi, you look pretty weird with that pointy green hat on," Rebecca laughed.  
  
"Gee, thanks," Yuugi sighed.  
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"So, where'ya going?" she asked.  
  
"I have to see the Great Deku Tree," Yuugi told her.  
  
"Really? Cool! I've heard a bunch of weird things about the Great Deku Tree, you know. You should come back and tell us if they're true or not, right Teddy?"  
  
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Yuugi and Yami sweat-dropped as Rebecca addressed her fairy, which was floating silently near her head.  
  
They sweat-dropped even more when Rebecca made the fairy's 'voice' say back to her, "RRRR-Right, Rebecca! We wanna know!"  
  
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"So hurry up and see the tree so you can tell us about it already!" Rebecca snapped at them in her normal voice.  
  
Yuugi jumped and started walking for the path leading to the Great Deku Tree that the signs kept pointing out.  
  
"She has some…issues to work out," Yami finally said.  
  
"Rebecca does have a one-of-a-kind personality," Yuugi agreed.  
  
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Finally, they made it past the last of the stump houses and began walking down the path. Until a voice shouted at them, "Hey, stop right there!"  
  
The voice belonged to Mokuba. He jumped right in front of Yuugi to block his way, and only afterwards recognized the other boy.  
  
"Oh, hi Yuugi!" Mokuba said, "What's with the weird pointy hat?"  
  
"Like he isn't wearing one himself," Yami muttered so that only Yuugi could hear him.  
  
"Um, Mokuba, the Great Deku Tree said he wanted to see me," Yuugi explained.  
  
"Really? That's great, Yuugi! It must be something really important if HE'S the one that wants to talk to YOU," Mokuba said.  
  
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"BUT-" Mokuba added, moving to block again as Yuugi tried to step around him, "I still can't let you go see him."  
  
"There had better be a really good explanation for this," Yami said.  
  
"Why can't I go see him, Mokuba?" Yuugi asked.  
  
"Because no one is allowed to go see the Great Deku Tree without the proper equipment," Mokuba explained, "You need to get a shield and a sword. Then you can go see the Great Deku Tree."  
  
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Rebecca jumped them again barely twenty feet away from the path.  
  
"Yuugi I saw the whole thing!" she exclaimed, "If you want, I'll take care of that little runt so you can go see the Deku Tree!"  
  
"Thanks, but I don't think that will be necessary," Yuugi said, "I just need a sword and a shield is all."  
  
"Well…" Rebecca thought for a moment.  
  
"The store here sells shields, but I saw a sign somewhere that says that there's only one sword in the entire forest, and no one knows where it is. So good luck finding it!"  
  
And with that she promptly skipped off. 


	3. At last, the end! Heh, just kidding

Tulip-Jin: (grinning) Lets have three cheers for my wonderful reviewers! Hip-Hip!  
  
Yami Tulip-Jin: (deadpan) Woo.  
  
TJ: (blinking) Uh, Hip-Hip!  
  
Yami TJ: (still deadpan) Woo.  
  
TJ: (eye twitching) Hip-Hip?  
  
Yami TJ: (sticking her tongue out at her hikari) Woo!  
  
TJ: (lifts up Millennium Mace in threatening manner) Hip-Hip, Yami?  
  
Yami TJ: (waves Giant Mallet of Doom at her hikari) Whoop-dee-doo, Aibou.  
  
TJ: (cracking up) I can't believe you just said that!  
  
Yami TJ: (sweatdrop) Shut up.  
  
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Disclaimer: We ownth not Yugioh or Zelda.

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"And why did we have to scurry through that little hole again?" Yami wondered as Yuugi pulled himself out of the 'Hole of Z'.  
  
"Because this is the only place we haven't checked for a sword yet," Yuugi sighed, "And why are you complaining? You've just been sitting on my hat this entire time."  
  
"Remember those SIX times you hit your head on the ceiling of that hole?" Yami growled.  
  
"Oops…sorry Yami."  
  
There was a tiny maze on the other end of the Hole of Z. Yuugi had just started walking down a conveniently-placed path when a loud rumble started up behind him. And when Yuugi turned…a boulder that was more than five times his size was barreling down on him!  
  
And unlike the one in the tunnel at the Duelist Kingdom, this rock was made of solid rock.  
  
Yuugi bolted down the path, screaming, the boulder right on his heels. When a left turn came up Yuugi took it, but the boulder also veered left as well. This happened again and again and again…and again…  
  
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"Yuugi! This path is going in circles!" Yami yelled, holding onto his sprinting other half's hat for all his fairy might, "Next turn go right!"  
  
"Right!" Yuugi cried, and took the next right turn.  
  
The boulder went left, as usual. Yuugi panted and sat down to rest in his tiny niche of safety as the boulder rolled by again…and again…and again, until the timing of the boulder was obvious.  
  
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There was another right-hand niche further along the path, and in that niche was a big chest. When Yuugi lifted the lid, he was greeted by a small sword that was just the right length for a person his size.  
  
"The Kokiri Sword," Yami read off the little plaque inside the chest - located right underneath the sword itself, "Legendary treasure of the Kokiri. You may borrow it if you need to, but please return the sword at some point when you are finished with it. Thank you."  
  
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Mokuba was more than happy to let them go see the Great Deku Tree after examining Yuugi's sword and shield.  
  
"Sorry to make you run around like that," Mokuba explained, "But you need to be able to fight all the monsters that are around the woods these days!"  
  
"Monsters? Like Duel Monsters?" Yuugi asked.  
  
Mokuba shrugged.  
  
"I kinda doubt it though," the black-haired boy said, before heading off to go do something else.  
  
"Finally," Yami grumbled to himself as Yuugi headed down the path, "This whole thing is a pain in the -"  
  
"Hey, what's that?" Yuugi asked, oblivious to Yami's grumbling.  
  
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Yuugi was pointing to three wrinkled, blue-ish, and pod-like things sticking out of the middle of the path. When they got closer, the pods erupted into tall, stick-like plants that chattered frantically and swayed back and forth.  
  
"Is this one of the monsters Mokuba told us about?" Yuugi wondered.  
  
"I think they are," Yami said, floating cautiously around the nearest one, "But these don't look very well. They might be diseased or something."  
  
Yuugi had to cut down the middle one in order to get by - the other two were far enough to the side that he could avoid them - and when the plant-thing was chopped down, its pod-like head fell off and left just a simple stick.  
  
"This might come in handy," Yuugi said, grabbing the stick.  
  
The ground where the plant monster had been suddenly swelled, and a new plant monster sprouted. Yuugi decided that it was high time that they start moving again.  
  
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They reached the end of the path very shortly afterwards. Yuugi stopped dead in his tracks and stared when he caught his first sight of the Great Deku Tree. He had never seen a tree this massively huge before in his entire life!  
  
"I'm back, you overgrown pencil," Yami snapped at the tree.  
  
"What a wonderful experience I was just having without you, my cranky little friend," the Deku Tree replied sarcastically.  
  
"The Tree TALKS?!" Yuugi yelped.  
  
Yami and the Great Deku Tree both sweat-dropped. The Tree regained his composure first.  
  
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"Yuugi, I have been waiting for you," the Great Deku Tree said, "You must be wondering why I have summoned you to speak with me. Well, here is the reason: Yuugi, it is time for you to start an adventure."  
  
"An adventure? Wow," Yuugi said, "What do I need to do, Great Deku Tree?"  
  
"Well, you see Yuugi," The Great Deku Tree said, "Um…this is really rather embarrassing…what you need to do is to go inside me and destroy this nasty little curse that was placed on me a while back. It's starting to become annoying. Will you do it?"  
  
Yuugi blinked.  
  
"Uh…sure, okay I guess," Yuugi finally said.  
  
"Great!" said the Great Deku Tree as a piece of its bark opened up like a door. 


	4. Spiders, spiders, spiders

Yami Tulip-Jin: Well, here's the next stupid chapter of Aibou's stupid fic. Normally she'd be here telling you how wonderful it is (yeah right) but she's busy. So here I am.  
  
Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rawwwr rawr, rawr rawr rawr rraaawwwr. (And I'm here as well, Miss I-Never-Appriciate-My-Hikari's-Muse.)  
  
Yami TJ: (pointedly stares at her aibou's deck, which is currently themed around the Red Eyes Black Dragon) You're still ticked off about that Baby Red-Eyes card, aren't you Chibs.  
  
Chibi Red Eyes: Rawwwrr, rawr! Rawwwr rawr, rawr RAWR rawr rawr, rawwwwwr! (Oh, no! Just because she's younger than me, and NOT more attractive either, does not make me jealous!)  
  
Yami TJ: (rolls eyes) Well folks, I'm conviced that this is a HUGE WASTE OF MY AFTERLIFE! Fic starting. NOW!  
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Disclaimer: Zelda and Yugioh not owned by ppl here  
  
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"Are giant talking trees supposed to be hollow, do you think?" Yuugi wondered as he climbed up the moss-covered wall as high as it went.  
  
"I always suspected that he had an empty head…so to speak," Yami replied as he fluttered around Yuugi's head.  
  
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After reaching the top, there were more of those freaky spider things to deal with before Yuugi had to jump off a platform to break a big spider web down on the ground floor. As much as Yuugi detested violence, he resolutely chopped his way through all the monsters - as well as another web-covered pit - until he finally reached the door leading to the final obstacle.  
  
"This is just like one of those RPG video games," Yuugi observed as they walked through the door, "So there must be some sort of boss monster in this room. I bet if we destroy it, we'll break the Deku Tree's curse!"  
  
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"A good plan," Yami agreed, "But you must make certain to be extra careful not to be destroyed by the monster instead, Aibou."  
  
"Gee, thanks for the pep talk," Yuugi sighed, being only a little sarcastic.  
  
Inside the boss room, there was nothing but thick roots reaching like pillars from the ceiling to the floor. It appeared otherwise deserted.  
  
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Then Yuugi heard the rustling noise coming from the ceiling. When he looked up, he found himself staring eyes to eye with what appeared to be a giant eyeball.  
  
The rest of the monster appeared, and it turned out to be a massively huge, one-eyed spider creature!  
  
"I'm starting to get REALLY sick of spiders," Yuugi muttered as he pulled out the Kokiri Sword.  
  
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The monster called Queen Gohma dropped from the ceiling and landed with an earth-shaking thud. Yuugi bolted to the side as Gohma charged right at him, and swung the sword at one of her legs. It bounced off without leaving a single scratch.  
  
Gohma turned around surprisingly fast for a monster her size and charged again, only to freeze in her tracks with a roar as Yami darted right in front of her huge eye. That close to such a sensitive eyeball, the light of Yami's fairy body was blinding. Yuugi swallowed hard and shut his own eyes tight before running up to stab the monster in what appeared to be her only vulnerable spot: her eyeball.  
  
"Gross gross gross," Yuugi gasped as eyeball goop got all over his arms, before he stabbed the sword in as far as it would go.  
  
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Gohma shrieked and fell backwards. Slowly, her body dissolved into blue smoke, leaving Yuugi's sword untouched. The eyeball goop also dissolved, but Yuugi still rubbed his arms to get rid of the disgusting sensation. He also looked like he was going to throw up.  
  
Yami, for once, didn't seem to have anything to say. With some difficultly, the fairy picked up the sword and brought it back over to his partner, who took it without a word.  
  
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Barely had that happened then a circle of blue light appeared around them and they were sucked through a vortex that led them right to…  
  
…The ground in front of the Great Deku Tree.  
  
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"Thank you for getting rid of my curse," the Tree said.  
  
"…You self-centered piece of firewood," Yami growled, "Do you know how close my Aibou came to being EATEN in there?! We should have LEFT you cursed!"  
  
"Well, there is one itty-bitty teeny-tiny thing I forgot to mention," the Tree said.  
  
"Which is?" Yami asked.  
  
"That was a death curse. So even though you broke it, it didn't matter. But don't worry! There's still plenty more for you to do, Yuugi!"  
  
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"More?" Yuugi blinked.  
  
"Yep! Take this Spiritual Stone of the Forest -" a glowing green rock appeared at Yuugi's feet, "- AKA, the Kokiri's Emerald - and go to Hyrule Castle. You must speak with the Princess of Destiny who lives there."  
  
"But, but…why?" Yuugi asked.  
  
"Well, this evil guy from the desert put that curse on me," the Great Deku Tree explained, "Because he wants that Stone. So it'll be safest if its with you and not me! And it's really important that you meet the Princess. Got it?"  
  
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"But…aren't you DYING or something?!" Yami demanded.  
  
"Well, yeah, TECHNICALLY," The Great Deku Tree sighed, "But hey, I'm a tree! It's not a big deal for me. Now get going, you lazy water-sacks! Hop to it!"  
  
And with that the Great Deku Tree turned black and stopped talking. 


	5. So THATS where the others went!

Tulip-Jin: Yay! Halloween is my FAVORITE holiday! I'll be eating free candy for weeks!  
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Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rawwwr rawr! Rawr rawr rraawrrrr rawr. (It's my fav too! And I don't even need to dress up.)  
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Yami Tulip-Jin: Yeah, you just gotta love this time of year.  
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TJ: Well, I was a super-cool headless horse-less man!  
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Chibi Red Eyes: Rawwr rawr, rawr? (Why horse-less, TJ?)  
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TJ: I couldn't find a horse to borrow in time. What were you dressed up as this year, Yami?  
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Yami TJ: (laughing) Nothing much, just the scariest thing in the known universe.  
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TJ: Ooh, what?  
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Yami TJ: A reelected President George Bush Jr.  
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TJ and Chibi Red Eyes: (shudder)  
  
Yami TJ: MUWAHAHAHAHA!  
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Disclaimer: Zelda and Yugioh not owned by anybody here  
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Claimer: This is MY plot! MY plot! Don't they understand?

* * *

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"I feel kinda bad about the Great Deku Tree," Yuugi said as he and Yami walked through the Kokiri Village to the exit out of the forest.  
  
"Really? Because I don't," Yami admitted, "He was a real pain in the-"  
  
"YUUGI! WAIT UP!"  
  
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Rebecca tackled Yuugi about halfway across the little bridge to the outside world. It was a literal tackle. And her screaming made both their eardrums ache.  
  
"Yuugi, you were going to leave without saying goodbye? YOU'RE SO MEAN!" Rebecca wailed.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Yuugi pleaded, "Just…don't be upset anymore, okay? Please?"  
  
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"Okay! We'll forgive him this time, won't we Teddy?"  
  
"RRR-Right!"  
  
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Yami sighed loudly.  
  
"Anyway, Yuugi," said Rebecca, "If you're going to go somewhere, then let me at least give you a good-bye present! Ta-da!"  
  
Yuugi stared at the little wooden egg-shaped thing in his hand and blinked.  
  
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"What is it? A flute?"  
  
"Nope!" Rebecca laughed, "It's called an Ocarina! For you see, I am not just your average child genius, I'm an amazingly multi-talented child genius as well! I know how to play the Ocarina really well already."  
  
"Well…wow, thanks Rebecca," Yuugi said, being sincere as only Yuugi could be.  
  
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"You're welcome," she said, "Okay now…get going on whatever thing you were going to do now…c'mon! Hurry up and leave! This is no time to be spending the day with mushy goodbyes! SCRAM!"  
  
Yuugi wisely decided to bolt.  
  
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Once through the last bit of forest, the heroes of this fabulous epic came to a mega-huge field. Hyrule Field was its name, of course, and there were only a few trees here and there in the field.  
  
No sooner had Yuugi started walking past the nearest couple of trees then he was hailed by a familiar voice. A very familiar voice.  
  
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"It's about time you bothered to show up, Yuugi," growled the very familiar voice of…  
  
"Kaiba?!" Yuugi yelped, looking towards the sound of the voice.  
  
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The voice had come from a huge, thin brown owl in one of the trees. It was staring at the two of them with familiar blue eyes.  
  
"Hah," Yami muttered gleefully to himself, "I may be a fairy, but at least I'm not a stupid owl. Heh heh heh…"  
  
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"While you were busily camping out in the woods, I've been waiting for you to show up for days," Kaiba growled, "Now that you're here, let's get this over with so I can find Mokuba."  
  
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"Oh, I know where Mokuba is!" Yuugi said happily, "He's in charge of the village in the middle of the woods there…perfectly safe and sound. I talked to him myself!"  
  
"…Really?" Kaiba blinked. "He's all right?"  
  
"Yep," Yuugi said.  
  
Kaiba shook out some of his feathers.  
  
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"Well," he hesitated, "Um, in that case…let's just get on with this. You're supposed to talk to some Princess, right?"  
  
"How did you know, Kaiba?" Yuugi asked.  
  
"None of your business," Kaiba snapped, "Now listen up. Just keep going straight the way you're going and you'll get to the castle. Oh, and don't be in the field at night or you'll be sorry, got it?"  
  
"Um, sure thing Kaiba," Yuugi said.  
  
"Good. Then good riddance," Kaiba said, before flapping his wings and taking off, zipping overhead towards the heart of the forest.  
  
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Yuugi followed Kaiba's advice, back-handed though it was, and arrived at the gate to Hyrule Castle Town by the middle of the next day only a little worse for wear.  
  
"I…REALLY…don't like zombies," Yuugi panted as he didn't slow down while crossing the drawbridge.  
  
"Let's just find this princess already," Yami grumbled.  
  
Hyrule Castle Town's Marketplace took up the majority of space in the town itself. And standing right next to a tree by the entrance were two familiar cloaked figures. The shorter one blinked and gasped when Yuugi nearly walked into them. Yuugi gasped too.  
  
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"Lumos? Umbra! Um, um - you'll never get my Millennium Puzzle!" Yuugi finally settled on as his greeting.  
  
"Oh, you don't need to worry, Yuugi," Lumos said, having recovered from his little heart attack, "We don't work for the Rarehunters anymore. Besides, you should hear about the stupid mess Umbra got himself into!"  
  
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"Shut up! It was YOUR stupid idea to sneak into the castle for a look at the Princess Zelda, Lumos!" Umbra yelled at his partner.  
  
"But it was YOUR stupid head that got stuck in that little drainpipe," Lumos yelled right back, "I told you, that pipe won't fit someone as tall as you, but did you listen to me? Noooo!"  
  
"Shut up shut up shut up!" Umbra yelled at Lumos.  
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Yuugi calmly exited from the conversation unnoticed at this point. 


	6. Fabulous Las Castle Town

Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rawr rawrrr! Rawr rawr rawr, rawwwrrrr rawrrr rawr...rawr, rawwwwr... (Hi everyone! In case anyone was wondering, the reason I'm putting this up solo today is...well, as you can see...  
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Tulip-Jin: (in distance) Dammit Yami, why don't you keep your stupid 'Mountain O' Spellbooks' alphabetized!  
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Yami Tulip-Jin: (also in distance) Probably because I never thought I'd need to use my copy of 'One Million Deadly Curses And Other Funny Pranks' for this situation! I THOUGHT people in this century knew when to AVOID putting some ugly idiot in charge of them!  
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TJ: (derisive snort) Shaddup and keep diggin'!  
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Chibi Red Eyes: (sigh) Rawr rawr rawrrr, rawr rawr rawr. Rawr rawr rawr, rrraawwwrr rawr raw rawr! (And now leaving the political sideshow behind, let's get back to business. Thanks for all the reviews, and now enjoy the fic!)  
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Disclaimer: Zelda and Yugioh not owned here  
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Claimer: Idea owned here!  
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"My head hurts," Yuugi said as he and Yami made their way through the crowds of people in Hyrule Castle Town Market.  
  
It was harder then it looked, and soon Yuugi ran headfirst into someone.  
  
"Urgh - sorry, sorry!" Yuugi yelped.  
  
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"Hey, wait, I know you," said the girl Yuugi had run into, "You're my brother's friend, Yuugi!"  
  
"Oh! Shizuka!" Yuugi grinned, greeting the red-headed sister of his best friend, "Wow, sorry for running into you - I had no idea you were caught up in all this!"  
  
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"Yep," Shizuka nodded, "I'm playing the role of the daughter of the ranch's owner. Lon Lon Ranch - go straight out the gates and you'll walk right into it! But the man that plays the ranch owner went to deliver milk at the castle and hasn't come back yet…"  
  
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She laughed a little when she saw Yuugi looking worried about it.  
  
"I don't think he's in any danger or anything," Shizuka explained, "He just has this tendency to take sudden and very long naps."  
  
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"Oh," Yuugi said, "Well, I was planning on going to the castle myself…do you want me to keep an eye out for him?"  
  
"Would you? Oh, that would be so great! Thank you so much Yuugi!" Shizuka said, beaming.  
  
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Feeling pretty good about things now, Yuugi headed up the big road that lead to Hyrule Castle proper. About halfway down the road there was a big tree. And sitting in the tree was a big brown owl.  
  
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"Hello again, Kaiba," Yuugi greeted his archrival cheerfully, "Weren't you going to talk to Mokuba?"  
  
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"As a matter of fact I did talk to him," Kaiba said, sounding none too happy to see Yuugi again so soon - assuming that there is ever a time that Kaiba actually sounds HAPPY, after all - "But I had to come here and make certain you actually managed to find your way to the castle."  
  
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"Well, here we are," Yuugi said after a moment's hesitation.  
  
"Obviously. Which means I'm leaving now."  
  
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And with that, Kaiba the Owl flapped away again. And so, Yuugi and Yami continued down the road until they reached a huge gate. It was closed and locked shut. And standing guard right next to the gate was Kemo.  
  
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"What'dya want?" He grumbled when Yuugi approached him.  
  
"Um…we kinda need to see the Princess?" Yuugi said.  
  
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"Oh, you need to see the PRINCESS, do ya? And I'm sure its VERY important and you need to see her RIGHT away," Kemo said, extremely sarcastically.  
  
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"In that case…" Kemo continued, "…SCRAM! BEAT IT! No one's allowed to see the princess! As if she'd even want to talk to YOU, you little punk!"  
  
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And since Kemo was three times his size, Yuugi decided to take Kemo's 'advice' and left at a quick walk.  
  
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"If I had hands that man would be begging for mercy five minutes ago," Yami growled, "Just who does he think he is, I mean REALLY…"  
  
"I appreciate your rage and frustration on my behalf, Yami," Yuugi said, "But I don't think sending Kemo to the Shadow Realm will be helpful."  
  
"Helpful, maybe not," Yami conceded, "Extremely satisfying, most definitely…"  
  
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The two of them were just nearing the tree where Kaiba had been waiting for them before - he was long gone at this point - when Shizuka called out a hello from the side of the road.  
  
"Did you reach the castle yet, Yuugi?" Shizuka inquired.  
  
"Not yet," Yuugi answered, "And I don't exactly have a good shot at forcing that guard to open it and let me in, either…"  
  
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Shizuka seemed to think about this for a bit.  
  
"Well," she finally said, "I think I know another way you could get in, Yuugi…" 


	7. OMG, what's that behind you!

Yami Tulip-Jin: Wow, people are actually reading this fic. That's pretty weird.

Tulip-Jin: Be quiet, non-helpful Yami. People appriciate quality work, ya know!

Yami TJ: (blinks) In this country?

TJ: (refuses to dignify that with a response)

Yami TJ: Then again, who said that **this** was quality work? (snickers)

TJ: (pulls out Millennium Mace) I am an Authoress/Fangirl. You have insulted my fanfiction. Prepare to die.

Yami TJ: (steps on switch)

TJ: (is flattened by large safe)

Yami TJ: (smirks)

TJ: (walks out of safe completely unharmed - and holding both her Mace and her Yami's Giant Mallet of Doom) Yami, you _really_ need to watch more cartoon shows. Good thing they have TVs in every hospital room!

(TJ charges at Yami TJ, who immediately runs like the wind)

Sign that was tossed on the ground because it took too much time to stick upright: We are currently experiencing difficulties. Go on and enjoy the fic.

Disclaimer: We no own Yugioh or Zelda

Claimer: Behold the wonderous plot that is MINE!

* * *

Yuugi eyed the vines dubiously. Even if he was able to climb to the top of the steep wall that lined the main road - and at night as well - there was no guarantee that he'd be able to sneak past every guard around the castle. 

And even if he turned out to be amazingly skilled at sneaking around, what was he supposed to do with the little egg that Shizuka had insisted that he take? Even though he'd stuck it in a pocket, Yuugi could still feel the egg twitch now and then…it was kinda creepy.

"We might as well move while we still have the cover of darkness," Yami finally said, and so Yuugi started climbing up the vines - hoping all the while that this wasn't poison ivy.

Up top, they could see a bunch of men in suits scattered all over the road. However, for some reason the suits never once noticed Yuugi creeping around behind them. A short climb up a partially broken wall and another short drop later, Yuugi was standing right beside the castle's moat.

A quick dip in the moat later and Yuugi was soaked. But more importantly, he was past all the guards. The only obstacles before him were several small crates and a man that was sleeping.

Just then, the sun rose. 

"**COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!**"

Yuugi and Yami both screamed in surprise as the weird egg Shizuka had given them suddenly hatched…into a full-grown chicken. Ah, the freakish miracle of life!

"Note to self," Yami mumbled as he landed on Yuugi's shoulder, "Don't let Yuugi carry any more strange eggs."

"I heard that," Yuugi said as he scooped the docile little chicken into his arms.

"It would have been wasted otherwise," Yami retorted.

In the sunshine, they could now see things clearly, including the sleeping man that had, incredibly enough, slept through all of this racket. A man with long silver hair and a well-known, slightly disturbing love of a certain demented cartoon rabbit.

"It's Pegasus!" Yuugi said, "Wow, I guess he must be the owner of Lon Lon Ranch that Shizuka told us about…"

"Yuugi, do you see that?"

Yami fluttered to the nearest wall of the castle as he spoke. There was a drainpipe here that was just the right size for Yuugi to crawl through. Unfortunately, the only way either of them could think of to reach the hole - piling the crates in the shallow part of the moat to make a bridge - wasn't going to work because Pegasus's body was blocking the way.

Shaking Pegasus didn't work. Neither did cursing in his ears, although Yami pulled out some really nasty words for the occasion. The chicken in Yuugi's arms - which Yuugi had decided to name Chikki - clucked to itself, and Yuugi got an idea.

"I wonder if…"

He held Chikki out in front of Pegasus' face. It looked the sleeping man up and down with its beady chicken eyes and took a deep breath. 

"**COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!**"

That did the trick. Pegasus jumped right to his feet, spluttering inarticulately as he tried to find the source of his sudden awakening. When he finally noticed Yuugi standing next to him, the silver-haired ex-owner of the Millennium Eye broke into a huge grin.

"_Yuugi-boy_! What a wonderful surprise! I haven't seen you for simply ages!" Pegasus greeted him, "Honestly, you never call, you never even write…its like you're…like you're pretending to be dear old Kaiba-boy!"

"Um…hello to you too," Yuugi said, sweat-dropping.

"Oh, NO!" Pegasus gasped, "I must have dozed off again, how dreadful! That makes it the fifth time so far…I'd better get going! Oh, and anytime you want to visit, Yuugi-boy, stop on by my new place - Lon-Lon Ranch! Don't be a stranger!"

And with that, Pegasus bolted for the nearest exit, silver hair streaming behind him as he put on a surprising turn of speed.

"Well Aibou, I don't know about you, but I've been traumatized enough for one morning," Yami said. 

With no further ado, Yuugi pulled and shoved the crates into position and climbed into the drainpipe. It was dark and Chikki clucked reproachfully as its feathers got soaked. At least this water was clean.

Inside the castle walls were even more guards in suits. These were just as inattentive as the guards outside and while here and there he had close calls, Yuugi finally managed to make his way past them all and into an enclosed garden.

Chikki wriggled out of Yuugi's arms and began pecking at bugs. Over on the far side of the garden, Yuugi and Yami could see someone with long pale hair dressed in a fancy dress. They were looking into a window, standing with their back to Yuugi, but when Yuugi got close enough the princess -because that's who this had to be - heard his approach and turned around.

Yuugi's jaw dropped.


	8. Yo ho, yo ho, a princess's life for me!

Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rawr rawr rawr! Rawwwr rawr rawr rawr, rawrrr rawr rawr. (Welcome back everybody! I'd like to take this time to say, thanks for all your support.)

Tulip-Jin: Yeah, its reviews from people like you that keep people like me from shriveling up and dying from a lack of reviews!

Chibi Red Eyes: Rawr rawr rawr, rawr rawr rrrraawwrr rawr rrraaawwr rawr. Rawr rawr rawr! (Right now, we're running a Review Drive to donate reviews to fics that need it badly. You'll be helping out a good cause!)

Yami Tulip-Jin: Yeah, the Anti-'Please, no, I have a family!' Cause, 'cuz thats what you're gonna be saying if my Aibou doesn't get any reviews! I'M the one that has to deal with her when she starts shriveling up!

TJ: Ah, I'm not _that_ bad, am I?

(crickets chirp)

TJ: Am I??

Yami TJ: I've been advised by my lawyer not to answer that question.

TJ: (grumbles under her breath)

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Disclaimer: We own not Yugioh or Zelda

Claimer: We own the plot and the idea! Nyah nyah nyah nyah-nyah!

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"**_BAKURA?!?!_** YOU'RE the Princess?!?!" Yuugi cried.

And as much as Yuugi was startled by this turn of events, Ryou Bakura looked twenty times more mortified. His face was a glowing crimson beacon of embarrassment.

"Er…um…hello Yuugi," Ryou mumbled, keeping his eyes pinned on the absolutely _fascinating_ patch of dirt next to their feet.

Yami, on the other hand, was practically vibrating with the laughter he was holding back so as not to embarrass Ryou even further. Especially since the other boy made a very _lovely_ princess…

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The Authoress and her Muses will now pause to allow you to finish your bouts of laughter. 

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You may now proceed to the rest of the fic.

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"So, um," Yuugi said, after taking a minute to recover his composure, "I guess this means that you're the person I'm supposed to talk to, Bakura."

"…Well, I suppose so," Ryou replied hesitantly, "Or…maybe not. I'm supposed to talk to someone with a big green stone of some kind…as well as a fairy…"

"That's okay - as you can see, Yami is my little fairy partner," Yuugi pointed to the still-shaking crimson fairy.

---

Yami stopped laughing to himself after hearing the last three words and sweat-dropped.

'And I used to be the _tall_ one,' he thought to himself morosely.

---

"And I bet this is the green stone you're waiting for," Yuugi continued as he pulled the Kokiri's Emerald out of another of the many huge pockets his green tunic possessed.

"That's great," Ryou said with a weak smile, "You're exactly the person I was waiting for after all! 

"Although I can't say I have very good news for you, Yuugi."

---

Ryou's expression fell a little.

---

"It can't be that bad," Yami ventured.

"Yes it can. An evil sorcerer from outside of Hyrule is after the Triforce."

"What's a Triforce?" Yuugi asked.

"I'm not exactly certain myself," Ryou answered, "But it appears to be this triangle-pyramid-thing that contains the power of the three goddesses that originally created Hyrule."

Ryou pointed to a spot on his dress. There, three yellow triangles were stacked in a pyramid shape, leaving an upside-down triangle-shaped hole in the middle.

"How come I didn't hear about these three goddesses before now?" Yuugi wondered aloud.

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"Well, for starters you never asked _me_," Yami said, "Before I went to find you, Aibou, the Deku Tree told me all about the three goddesses."

---

"Hey Yami, tell me about the three goddesses," Yuugi said, being only very slightly sarcastic.

"Not now Aibou - its still Bakura's turn to talk."

"Oh yeah, sorry Bakura."

---

"It's quite all right," Ryou replied, "Anyway, the evil sorcerer wants the Triforce so he can make a wish on it and rule the world. Luckily for the world, he doesn't have the keys to the Sacred Realm where the Triforce is…at least not yet." 

"That's the realm where the Triforce is," Yami quickly explained to Yuugi.

"What are the keys to the Sacred Realm Bakura?" Yuugi asked, "If we could get them before this evil sorcerer does, we could stop him from ever getting to the Triforce."

"That was my idea as well," Ryou answered, "But if we managed to get to the Triforce first and make our own wish…"

---

"Then I'd finally be free of this accursed little body!!" Yami yelled, slightly caught up in the moment.

---

Wisely, the other two ignored him.

"Then we can stop him from taking over the world for good," Yuugi said, "That's a great idea Bakura! All we need to do is find the keys!"

"We have two of them already," Ryou agreed, "That green Spiritual Stone, for one. But there are two more stones we need. And we also have this."

Ryou pulled out an Ocarina from a pocket of the dress. It was bigger than the Ocarina that Rebecca had given them, and it was blue.

"This is the Ocarina of Time," Ryou explained, "The way into the Sacred Realm is hidden inside the large Temple of Time that's in town."

"…I do remember seeing a big cathedral," Yuugi agreed, "All right! So we need to get the other two spiritual stones and then we're set. Doesn't sound too hard…"

---

"…There is one thing," Ryou said after a minute of hesitation, "The evil sorcerer. He's here - in the castle - right now."

"Right **now**?!"

"He's meeting with the King as we speak," Ryou said, pointing to the window he'd been looking through before Yuugi's arrival.

Cautiously, Yuugi and Yami peered inside the window. They saw lots of suits/guards, and they saw the King sitting on his throne. The King was actually Rebecca's grandfather.

Then the 'evil sorcerer' approached the throne and knelt at the King's feet. Yuugi and Yami recognized him instantly.

---

Platinum hair flaring up impossibly, deeply tanned skin, and a glowing sennen eye permanently marking the forehead defined the features of the sorcerer - that being one Yami no Malik. With his head bent down, Yami Malik's hair blocked his smirk from the King, who seemed to see nothing amiss.

"He's the King of the Gerudo Thieves - the people that live in the desert to the west of Hyrule," Ryou explained, "He says he's here to make a peace treaty with Hyrule, but I knew from the first moment I saw him that he came here for the Triforce. I told the King about that but he didn't believe me."

---

"Now its even more imperative that we collect the last two Spiritual Stones," Yami piped up.

"Here," Ryou said, handing Yuugi a slip of paper.

"It's a note that will tell people you're doing a job for the princess, so they won't try to stop you from collecting the Spiritual Stone," he explained.

Yuugi tactfully refrained from commenting on the paper's pink coloration and slipped it into a pocket.


	9. Blondes really do have more fun

Tulip-Jin: Woo-hoo! Everybody loves this idea!

Yami Tulip-Jin: Yeah...great, whatever.

TJ: (blinks) Man Yami, what bit YOU in the butt this morning?

Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rawwwr rawr, rawr rawr rawwrrr. Rawwwwwwwwr! (I saw her, she was pigging out on leftovers. Too much turkey!)

Yami TJ: Why I outta...(falls over and goes to sleep)

TJ: (blinks)

Chibi Red Eyes: (sighs)

TJ: ...All of a sudden I want some turkey.

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Disclaimer: Yugioh and Zelda not mine

Claimer: Idea mine

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"I'll stay here and protect the Ocarina of Time," Ryou said, "My, um, attendant will help you leave the castle undetected."

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"But…what about Chikki?"

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Ryou blinked and Yami sweat-dropped.

"Aibou, the chicken will be just fine in this garden - right?"

"Sure," Ryou nodded, not about to question this weird subject.

-

The fowl in question barely glanced up from pecking around when Yuugi walked past it, heading for the archway that they had entered with. And standing in the shadows of the archway was a tall figure.

When they got close enough, the figure stepped into the light and revealed itself to be Mai in all her black-leathered glory.

-

"Hey there Yuugi, long time no see," she greeted Yuugi cheerfully, "Did you miss me?"

"Wow, Mai, I didn't know you were at the castle," Yuugi greeted her back, also cheerfully.

"I'm working as an attendant for the princess," Mai said, "You know, your friend Bakura makes a very lovely princess…"

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A barely audible and very exasperated groan came from where Bakura was still standing.

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"Oh, Yuugi," Mai continued after a moment's thought, "I need to check something with you. Do you have one of those egg-shaped ocra-thingys?"

"Yes…" Yuugi said, puzzled, as he pulled out the Ocarina Rebecca had given him back in the forest.

"That's great," Mai grinned, "If you're any good at that thing, I have this song you MUST learn how to play!"

-

Then she handed Yuugi a small slip of paper with musical notes on it.

-

"It's called 'Zelda's Lullaby'," Mai explained, "And its supposed to have some sort of mystical powers…I'd help you practice playing it, Yuugi, but I need to get you out of here before one of the suits finds you here…it wouldn't be good. Besides, I was never all that musical anyway…"

-

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Mai continued with her long stream of one-person conversation as she lead Yuugi and Yami through a secret passageway that opened up right near the drawbridge entrance to Hyrule Castle Town.

"…And there we go. The big field."

-

"Thanks a lot, Mai," Yuugi said.

"Don't mention it," Mai replied, "You see that big mountain, Yuugi? Its called Death Mountain. Some people called 'Gorons' live there, and they have the Spiritual Stone of Fire. And over THAT way is Lon Lon Ranch - I'd check it out if I were you Yuugi, they're supposed to be a top-class establishment."

"Thanks," Yuugi said again.

-

"Now then, I'd better get back to being the attendant to her Ladyship Princess Bakura," Mai said as she turned around and headed back for the castle.

A very faint and VERY exasperated groan came from the direction of the castle. Shrugging it off as a gust of wind, Yuugi walked out into the field.

-

-

"Should we head for Death Mountain then, Yami?" Yuugi asked his fairy partner/darkside.

"Hmm…perhaps we should instead go to this Ranch place," Yami answered, "After all, we know that both Pegasus and Jou's sister are there, and its close as well, so we might as well stop by."

"I guess that's a good idea, but…" Yuugi said doubtfully.

-

-

"That's interesting, I think its time for the sun to set," Yami randomly thought out loud, looking up for no particular reason.

When he looked down, Yami was all by himself. The only sign of Yuugi was a green-hat wearing spiky-haired dust cloud, heading for the Ranch as fast as the lightside could run and then some.

-

"Heh heh. Sucker."

Yami chuckled evilly to himself, flapping his fairy wings and zipping after his disappearing partner.


	10. I'm KuKu for Cucco Puffs!

Yami Tulip-Jin: Well, here I am again, putting up this stupid chapter of this stupid fic while my stupid Aibou is off doing something else. And yes, I think that whatever she's doing is, in fact, stupid.

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Tulip-Jin: (is sitting at computer, typing)

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Yami TJ: Believe it or not, folks, she's working on this fic right now. Watch and be amazed at how I can tell.

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TJ: (stops typing, scrolls back up to what she's just written, and reads it, laughing hysterically)

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Yami TJ: And when I said the very idea of this fic kept her up laughing 'til 3AM...I was being serious. Now I'm just waiting for her head to explode.

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Disclaimer: No one here owns Yugioh or Zelda, aside from the unholy idea of mixing them together. Oh, and Chikki the Chicken. We own him too.

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"That WASN'T funny, Yami!" Yuugi was yelling as the pair entered the ranch.

"It's not my fault you have something against zombies," Yami countered.

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"Maybe its because ONE of us just so happens to keep rooms of EVIL MUMMIES in their soul?!" Yuugi shot right back.

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Yami grumbled under his breath as Yuugi, satisfied with scoring a point, headed towards the nearest of the two buildings. It looked like a stable, and it was. There were several empty stalls, but the two closest to the door each had one cow.

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"I wonder what sort of ranch this is," Yuugi wondered aloud.

"The dumbest ranch ever, is what," came an angry voice from behind them.

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Yuugi turned around and found himself staring straight into the stomach of a tall, blond, and very unhappy individual.

"Bandit Keith?" Yuugi gasped - after looking up to see the face of the person behind him.

-

"Well, well! If it ain't Little Yuugi!" Bandit Keith grinned, "Hey twerp, nice hat!"

"Hmph," Yami snorted, "Nice overalls, hick."

-

The American Duelist growled and changed the subject.

-

"So what brings a couple'a weirdos like you to a worthless dump like this?" Bandit Keith asked.

"We were looking for Pegasus…" Yuugi started, then took a quick step back as Bandit Keith slammed the pitchfork he was holding into the floorboards.

-

"Oh, that no-good PUNK is here all right," Keith snarled, "He's the one running this pathetic excuse for a ranch. But I'M the one that has to do all the work around here! Pegasus doesn't deserve to run _anything_, even a dump like this! One day I'll be in charge, and then he'll learn what it feels like to clean up after some no-good loser!"

-

-

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Not wanting to provoke that pitchfork, Yuugi hurriedly left the stable and headed for the other building. This one looked like a sizable house, and it was - but the first floor was almost covered in chickens!

"Chikki cousins!" Yuugi said happily.

-

Yami blinked.

"Aibou, is it me or are you obsessed with chickens?"

-

"I'm not obsessed," Yuugi said, his arms full of three squawking chickens, "I can stop anytime I want, see?"

As proof, Yuugi let the chickens go. Exactly five seconds later, Yuugi dove for more chickens.

-

"CHICKENS!" Yuugi yelled as he grabbed the fowl.

"WHY! WHY!" Yami screamed at the ceiling, "WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU GUYS?!"

-

'Man, Yami's crazy when it comes to ceilings,' Yuugi thought to himself as he happily petted chickens.

-

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However, in all the commotion, Yuugi had found something on the floor that wasn't a chicken - it was a person sleeping.

"Hey, I found Pegasus!" Yuugi said.

Pegasus yawned, woke up, blinked upon seeing Yuugi's face directly above his head, and then broke into a huge grin.

-

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"YUUGI-BOY! Oh, I just love it when you drop by for a visit!" the silver-haired man said as he sat up.

-

"And I see you've discovered my delightful little Super-Cuccos," Pegasus added as he spotted Yuugi's armload of chickens.

"What are 'Super-Cuccos'?" Yami wondered.

-

The fairy/pharaoh jumped in midair as Pegasus turned his attention Yami's way.

"Oh, it's the _Other_ Yuugi-boy!" Pegasus exclaimed, "Wow, somehow I remember you looking differently…you're not half the lad you used to be!"

-

"Shut up," Yami snapped.

-

Nonplussed, Pegasus deftly plucked the hovering Yami out of the air and held him in front of the alleged 'Super-Cuccos'. One tried making a snack out of Yami, but without even looking Pegasus jerked Yami back and away from danger. Yuugi was too busy petting the chickens to notice.

"As you can see, my darling little Super-Cuccos are an amazing feat of Cucco-Breeding that I've been working on for quite some time now - because hey, I can't spend all my retirement bothering Kaiba-boy. Quite simply, they're chickens with all the irresistibility of my oh-so wonderful cartoons!"

-

"Oh good," Yami said with relief, "I thought Yuugi was going insane."

-

"I heard that," Yuugi said without looking up from his chicken-petting, "Although I'd really like to stop petting them now. My arms are getting tired."

"That's the only teensy problem I have to fix," Pegasus admitted, "Once you start petting the Super-Cuccos, you can't stop. They're just that irresistible!"

-

"What?!" Yami and Yuugi yelped.

-

-

"Isn't there anything you can do?" Yami demanded.

"…Well, there is one thing that might still work," Pegasus admitted.

"My arms hurt," Yuugi groaned, still petting the Super-Cuccos.

-

"Alright! Be right back!"

-

Pegasus ran for the stairs, tossing Yami over his shoulder as he went. Unable to slow down in time, Yami was instantly pecked out of the air by one of Yuugi's Super-Cuccos. Yuugi currently being unable to help, Yami flapped his little wings as hard as he could, trying to break free of the beak of a now-irritated chicken. But no matter how hard Yami yanked the chicken's head around, he couldn't break loose.

This little drama might have ended badly for the two of them - especially for Yami - if not for the sudden shout of "Heads up!" from Pegasus, and the following creamy white cascade that was poured down on them from above.

-

-

"Ah yes, **DROWNING** is exactly what I preferred to being _EATEN_," Yami yelled from his new spot in a puddle on the floor.

-

A dripping-wet Yuugi sniffed his hands.

"That smells like…**milk**?!"

-

"YEP!" Pegasus laughed, holding up a now empty three-gallon jug with a cow's face on the side, "For you see, it is a little-known fact that being covered in milk reduces the desire to pet chickens! And because _I_ make the milk, it's a guaranteed double market! Eat your heart out, Kaiba-boy!"

-

-

All the chickens, including the Super-Cuccos, were now clucking angrily in the corner farthest away from the milk-covered pair. Yuugi sighed in relief as he realized he no longer wanted to pet chickens.


	11. Only in America

Yami Tulip-Jin: (taps foot impatiently) Okay, that's it. I want a turn on the damn computer! AIBOU!

-

Tulip-Jin: (sticks her head in from the next room) WHAT?!

-

Yami TJ: (blinks) ...Aren't you on the computer?

-

TJ: (death-glares at her Yami) You know my favorite show's on this time of day! And when I'm watching - **NOBODY INTERRUPTS IF THEY WANNA LIVE! YA GOT IT?!**

**- **

Yami TJ: (rolls eyes) Hikaris...if its not sugar, its TV. Oh well, at least I can use the computer now...

-

(Yami TJ heads for computer, only to find the Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon using it)

-

Yami TJ: Chibs? What...EXACTLY...are you doing on the computer?

-

Chibi Red Eyes: (eyes glazed over) Rawr...rawr....rawwr... (Must...beat...Minesweeper...)

-

Yami TJ: (grumbles under breath as she drags the small dragon to the door and kicks her outside) Are you trying ta kill yourself?! Too much Minesweeper and you're head'll explode! Why am I doing this anyway, I'm not your mother!

-

(Yami TJ returns to computer....and finds TJ has beaten her there.)

-

Yami TJ: (eye twitches) Aibou...your show?

-

TJ: Oh, that finished a while ago! Now its Pinball Time!

-

Yami TJ: (expressionless) ...I...see. Let me respond to that in the following way.

-

(Yami TJ pulls out Giant Mallet of Doom, and with it wacks TJ through the nearest wall.)

-

(Mere moments later, TJ returns through that same hole, waving the Millennium Mace and screaming Xena's battle cry. Cue massive dustcloud fight.)

-

(And while the other two are fighting, Chibi sneaks back in via the hole and starts playing Minesweeper again.)

-

-

-

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Disclaimer: We don't own Zelda or Yugioh

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Claimer: We own the idea! No touchies!

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* * *

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Safely outside both the house full of strange chickens and the stable where an unhappy Keith was lurking with his pitchfork and overalls, the two heroes of this epic tale wondered where to go next.

"Shizuka is supposed to be around here _somewhere_," Yuugi sighed.

-

Yami was sitting on Yuugi's shoulder, his wings too milk-logged for him to fly for a little while still.

-

"What about looking behind the stable?" Yami asked, "This ranch looked bigger from the outside, as I recall…"

"Good idea, Yami," Yuugi said, and headed behind the stable.

-

-

As they walked past the building, the two of them could hear a faint rumbling noise. The closer they got, the louder it grew. It almost sounded like there was a highway hidden behind the stable.

The reality of what was back there was even more astounding.

-

There was a big, grassy paddock that took up most of the space inside the ranch walls. Going in a circle around the outside of the walled paddock was a dirt track.

-

-

But the freaky thing was that the whole thing was filled with motorcycles…specifically, motorcycles that each had a horse's head sticking out of where the headlight was supposed to go.

-

-

The horse/motorcycles were grazing just like regular horses would. Apparently they didn't need gasoline.

-

"…This is just unnatural," Yuugi said when he was finally able to talk again.

-

-

"Well, I guess it could always have been worse," Yami added as they got closer to the paddock's only entrance.

-

-

"Oh, sure," Yuugi agreed, his voice surprisingly steady, "They could have been rhino heads attached to tanks."

-

-

When Yuugi headed inside the paddock, one of the nearby horsecycles ambled over - puttered over, really - and sniffed him. Yuugi petted the thing's head, slightly surprised at how realistically alive the horse-part felt.

-

Once he got the horsecycle to _stop_ sniffing his hair - apparently it liked how Yuugi stank of fresh milk - Yuugi was able to make his way to the paddock's center, where he had spotted two reddish figures.

-

The taller one turned out to be Shizuka. The other one was a baby horsecycle, red in color. You could tell it was young not just because it was little, but because the motorcycle part of its body was actually one of those electric scooters.

-

-

"Hello again Yuugi," Shizuka greeted him as she looked up from petting the baby's head, "Did you finally get to meet the Princess?"

-

"Yep!" Yuugi said, "And the chicken that came out of the egg you gave me actually helped me get in there! Thanks a bunch, Shizuka."

-

-

Shizuka blushed, embarrassed at being thanked.

"Well, since you came all the way here," she said next, "Why don't you say hi to this little friend of mine? Her name's Epona, and she's just a little foal now, but one day she'll be a big strong mare."

-

"How can you tell its gender?" Yami wondered to himself.

-

-

When Yuugi tried to pet Epona, the young horsecycle reared back on her back wheel, whinnying and then zipping off with a quick 'putt-putt-putt' sound.

-

"Did I do something wrong?" Yuugi asked.

"I guess she's a little shy around strangers," Shizuka said, "Epona is just a baby, after all…I think I can get her to come back, though."

-

Shizuka put her fingers to her mouth and began whistling. First a low note, then a high note, then a note that was lower than the second one but higher than the first one. Then she repeated the three sounds.

At the sound of the whistled tune, Epona started coming back over, but ground to a halt with another whinny when she spotted Yuugi.

-

-

"Oh well, I guess it was worth a shot," Shizuka said, "It's too bad. She loves hearing that song."

Yuugi's face was screwed up in sudden concentration, before he rummaged in a tunic pocket and pulled out the Ocarina he had gotten from Rebecca.

-

"Shizuka," Yuugi asked, "Um…do you think you can teach me how to play that song you just whistled?"


	12. Now who didn't see that one coming?

Tulip-Jin: Hiya Hiya Hiya! We're back from Xmas vacation!

-

Yami Tulip-Jin: Feh. Some vacation. Aibou was broke so we ended up staying home this year.

-

TJ: Don't mind her. She's just annoyed because all she got was lumps of coal.

-

Yami TJ: (blinking) What are you talking about? I'm mad because Chib's still on that Xmas Pacific Cruise dealie she won for herself as a present. That coal was a fantastic gift - its a _flammable projectile_! You talk about my coal like its a bad thing.

-

TJ: For NORMAL people it is - Santa Claus gives bad people coal and good people tons of toys. He knows when you're sleeping and he knows when you're awake and all that jazz.

-

Yami TJ: Wait a second...you mean some old guy is spying on me all year long?

-

TJ: (nods)

-

Yami TJ: (turning to face north side of house) YOU SICK OLD _PERVERT_!!!!

-

TJ: (sighs and rolls eyes)

-

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Disclaimer: We own not Yugioh or Zelda

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* * *

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Yuugi turned out to be a fairly quick study of the Ocarina. Ten minutes of practice later, he had committed Epona's song to memory and was now working on the 'Zelda's Lullaby' tune he'd gotten from Mai.

-

Shizuka had excused herself to finish some of her chores, Epona was happily nuzzling Yuugi's milk-scented hair, and Yami was fluttering around, making certain that the milk hadn't permanently damaged his wings.

-

"I think I've finally got it," Yuugi said happily, playing a riff of the Lullaby as proof.

-

-

Yami yawned loudly, dipping slightly in midair.

-

"That's great Aibou…just so you know, I am falling asleep over here…"

-

"I guess that must be why it's called a Lullaby," Yuugi suggested, "Now, where should we go next? I guess we need to go and get that Fire Stone from Death Mountain…"

-

-

Right before Yami could answer, a box fell on him from above. It landed on the ground (and on top of the aforementioned fairy) with a soft, anticlimactic 'thump'. Epona snorted and moved away, startled by the box's sudden arrival.

-

"AHH! YAMI!" Yuugi yelled, rushing to grab the mysterious box off of his now squished partner, "Yami, are you okay?!"

-

-

"……What's a Yami?" Yami wondered in a dazed voice as he floated back up.

-

-

From far, far overhead, there came the sound of a owl laughing maniacally.

-

-

Yuugi opened the box. Inside was a folded up piece of paper. It was a letter.

"_Dear Yuugi_," it began -

-

-

"_HI YUUGI! It's me, REBECCA! How have you been? I heard from Mokuba that you're exploring stuff outside the forest. That sounds like fun. I wanted to leave the forest too but I can't. Its SO not fair!!! GRRRR! So that means you have to come back and meet me at my secret hiding place. I won't tell you where it is because it's a secret, so you should ask Mokuba. Just so you know, he only knows where it is because I had to tell him about it. In exchange, he said his brother can deliver this letter right to you. SO COME HERE QUICK OR ELSE!!!!! Love, Rebecca._"

-

-

"…This might just be a hunch," Yami said, recovered from being squished now, "But I _think_ we might need to go back to the forest, Aibou."

-

-

-

At least the forest wasn't very far away from the ranch. After a quick series of goodbyes to Epona, Shizuka, and Pegasus - who was sporting a Super Cucco on his head at the time - Yuugi got to the forest entrance in record time. Even though it was only now sunrise, Yuugi had gone so fast that he hadn't attracted a single skeleton.

-

"I'm impressed," Yami said as Yuugi panted for air, "It seems to me that you could have easily made that track team thing, Aibou."

-

-

Luckily, Yuugi was panting too hard to exact the revenge he desired against his other half before they entered the Kokiri Forest. It seemed exactly the same as it had been when they'd left it. Yuugi remembered seeing a sign somewhere pointing to Mokuba's tree-stump house, but nailed next to the door was a note.

-

It said: '_Am in the Lost Woods (behind my house)_'

-

-

After climbing up some sticky vines that were growing on the rock face behind Mokuba's house, Yuugi passed a sign that pointed the way to the Lost Woods.

Less than a minute later, Yuugi found himself walking past that very same sign again.

-

-

"I suppose this is why they call them the Lost Woods," Yuugi sighed after making his fourth pass of the sign.

-

-

"This place is almost exactly like my soul room," mentioned Yami when they made their next pass of the sign.

-

"Okay then, Escher," Yuugi grumbled - tired and not particularly thrilled with his partner's nonchalant tone, "How do we stop going in circles?"

-

-

"Who's this 'Escher' person?" Yami asked, "You've mentioned him before."

"Not now, Yami," Yuugi sighed.

-

-

Shrugging it off - assuming fairies have shoulders with which to shrug - Yami took the lead. In less than five minutes, and with no more passes of the sign, they came to a huge hollow tree trunk that was lying on its side in the middle of the woods.

The forest was so dense that whatever was on the other side of the tree was hidden from view. And the trunk was so long that they couldn't see the other end from where they were.

-

"Wow, and I thought they'd take another twenty minutes at least," came Mokuba's voice.

-

From the top of the trunk peeped out Mokuba's familiar face. Then Seto Kaiba (the World's Greatest Owl) stuck his head out as well.

"Yuugi," greeted Kaiba snidely, "What took you so long?"

-

Before either Yuugi had a chance to respond to that, Mokuba laughed it off with a short, "Aw c'mon Seto, this is the Lost Woods - even I have trouble getting places in here," before addressing them directly.

-

-

"You're supposed to go right through this hollow log," Mokuba explained to them, "On the other side's some place called the 'Sacred Forest Meadow' or something…"

-

"Your little girlfriend seemed pretty anxious to see you again," Kaiba added with a chuckle.

-

-

Yuugi sighed, having distinct recollections of Rebecca's enthusiasm in the past, but after bidding Mokuba and Kaiba good day he headed into the dark tree-trunk tunnel. Much to Yami's annoyance, the fairy/pharaoh served as their flashlight.

On the other side of the log, there was a huge open clearing fenced in completely by flat stone walls. The only way out besides the log was a huge gate. The clearing itself was filled with tall, thick grass that came up to Yuugi's elbows.

-

There was no sign of Rebecca.

-

"Is _this_ the Sacred Forest Meadow place we were supposed to go to?" Yami wondered.

-

"…Maybe Rebecca's on the other side of that gate, what do you think Yami?" Yuugi asked.

-

"Good," Yami replied, "She won't be able to reach us through the bars, in that case."

-

-

Deciding to check the gate out, Yuugi started walking through the tall grass. But before he got halfway across the little clearing, there was a sharp growl and a big black wolf sprang out of hiding, blocking Yuugi's way. Not to mention looking very threatening as it did so.

-

Naturally slightly upset by this turn of events, Yuugi jumped back with a cry of alarm. This seemed to encourage the wolf, because it took a few steps forward to close the gap, growling quite fiercely.

- 

Yami zipped in, trying to distract the wolf with a flash of fairy light. He was successful in that the wolf yelped, but it managed to blindly whack Yami into the arms of his aibou with one paw as it rubbed its eyes with its other paw.

-

-

"Oooowwwww," whimpered the wolf, "N-No _fair_! That really _hu-hurt_!"

-

-

Yuugi and Yami blinked in astonishment as the talking big, black wolf rubbed its eyes some more.

-

"…The wolves talk in this forest?" Yami finally managed to ask.

-

"Of course we talk!" snapped the wolf, whose eyesight had mostly recovered, "How else can you hear me calling you a big mean jerk, you big mean jerk!"

-

-

"…But," Yuugi said next, "Yami only did that because he thought you were going to eat me."

-

"Huh? Eat you?"

The wolf seemed openly astonished.

-

"I wasn't going to _eat_ you," it said next, "Just scare you away! I'm supposed to guard the Sacred Forest Meadow from intruders! There's a special Temple in here, you know. We wolves have to keep all the bad people away from it."

-

-

"I didn't know there was a Temple," Yuugi said.

-

"You didn't?" asked the wolf.

-

"Nope," Yuugi confirmed, "We only came here because we're supposed to be meeting someone in this Meadow."

-

"She's blond, hyper, and too smart for her own good," Yami described, "You seen her anywhere, Wolf?"

-

-

The wolf shivered with a whimper. 

"You're supposed to meet _her_?! That crazy kid keeps coming and going and she's WAY too scary to growl at," the wolf said, "Even the older wolves won't mess with her. And she's a Kokiri, which means she'll be around for a LONG time, too…"

-

"Wolf, you have my eternal pity," Yami told the wolf.

-

-

"Um, can we go through the gate now?" Yuugi asked.

"Huh? Oh, sure," said the wolf, "And I'll tell everybody that you're not one of the bad people, so they won't growl at you."

The wolf clapped his front paws together. Instantly the gate swung open.

-

"Thank you very much," Yuugi called after the wolf as it turned and vanished into the grass.

-

-

Now the two adventurers continued on. There was a winding path filled with huge hedges, which lead to a long staircase. At the top of the stairs was another clearing. Jutting out of the wall directly ahead of the stairs was the entrance to some sort of ancient building. However, the stairs to that entrance were long gone. There was also some sort of stone platform, which filled most of the clearing.

-

Sitting on a tree stump to the side of the platform was Rebecca. And the instant she spotted Yuugi, she jumped up.

"Oh, YUUGI! It's about TIME you finally got here!!" she greeted him, "Its not nice to keep a lady waiting, you know! Right Teddy?"

"RRRight, Rebecca!" said Teddy the fairy/teddy bear.

-

-

Yuugi and Yami sweat dropped. Then Yuugi stepped forward.

-

"So, um, Rebecca," Yuugi said, "What was so urgent that you needed to talk to me right away about?"

-

"Actually, nothing," Rebecca grinned, "I was so BORED, but you weren't around to talk to! Luckily, I know EXACTLY how to fix that!"

-

-

Rebecca whipped out an Ocarina, almost identical to the one she had given Yuugi.

"Yuugi, you still have yours, right? You didn't lose it, did you?! Have you been practicing at all?! I bet you haven't!"

"Um, its right here, and yes in fact I have been practicing with it," Yuugi said as he pulled out the Ocarina.

-

"Okay, then," Rebecca grinned, "Time for a little music lesson, Yuugi! I, Rebecca the genius, will be your teacher for today! PAY ATTENTION!"

-

Yuugi jumped in place. Yami, who was watching everything from a safe distance, suddenly felt very happy to be in a body that had wings for escape.


	13. Its ZombieRiffic!

Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rrrrawwrr rawr rawr rawwwwr. (Welcome to the new chapter, everyone.)

-

Yami Tulip-Jin: And personally, I'd like to report a miracle.

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Chibi Red Eyes: Rawrrr? (What miracle?)

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Yami TJ: It's chapter 1-3, and my aibou's not cowering under a blanket made of four-leaf clovers and horseshoes sown together.

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Tulip-Jin: Well, that's for two reasons. One, I sold that blanket over Ebay for twenty-four cents and a barrel of pocket lint...

-

Yami TJ: (to self) So that was the chewy sandwich she was eating the other day...

-

TJ: And secondly, I've decided to enbrace the spirit of this chapter - DOOOM! Check out all the skeletons I found to decorate the house with!

-

Yami TJ: (blinks) Hey, waitdaminute...AIBOU! THOSE ARE **MY **SKELETONS! YOU RUINED MY TROPHY DISPLAY!

-

Chibi Red Eyes: Raawwr rawr rawr rawr raawwr? (So do I really want to know why they're trophies?)

-

TJ: Probably not.

-

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Disclaimer/Claimer: I only own the things made by me - news flash, that doesn't include Yugioh OR Zelda. GASP!

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* * *

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The song Rebecca taught Yuugi was very perky. Yami called it best when he said it was like Rebecca, but in a good way. Rebecca said it was named Saria's Song, after the original writer. But when Yuugi wanted to know more about the original writer, Rebecca promptly booted him down the stairs with a yell about how he was supposed to be doing something important, right, and so he couldn't sit around and be lazy.

-

The pair crossed through the Sacred Forest Meadow without seeing any signs of the wolf they had met earlier, and walked back through the hollow log.

-

-

Mokuba and his brother were still there, waiting for them. After a few more snide comments from Kaiba about Yuugi's 'girlfriend', it was back through the Lost Woods and then into Hyrule Field, heading for Death Mountain at last!

-

-

Much to Yuugi's pleasure, they reached the edge of the Field just as the sun set. Here, there was a large roadway leading up and into the hilly area at the base of the mountain.

At the top of the hill were the gates to a village. The huge sign hung over the top of the open gateway welcomed Yuugi to Kakariko Village.

-

Since it was nighttime, the village was quiet and dark. Almost everyone was indoors.

-

Yami and Yuugi soon found the only exception standing right in front of a big tree that was growing in the middle of the village. It was the unusual-looking character that they had dueled once, known only as Strings.

-

-

As was typical of Strings, he was standing perfectly still, not even blinking.

-

-

Yami flitted around String's bald head a couple of times, but he still didn't even twitch.

-

"So much for asking if anyone was still awake to talk to," Yuugi sighed quietly.

-

-

-

There was an instantaneous reaction from Strings. He jumped in place, ran in a circle around Yuugi, and gestured in a specific direction - past the huge windmill - before returning to his previous motionless state.

-

-

-

For lack of any other ideas on what to do next, the two took this strange advice. There was a little path leading around the windmill. It was a path that clearly didn't see much use, and when they reached the other end Yami and Yuugi quickly found out why.

-

Nestled snugly in the hilly land behind the windmill was a particularly large graveyard.

"Well this is pleasant," Yami muttered sarcastically as Yuugi cautiously started walking past some of the tombstones.

-

He paused at a very large stone tablet, covered in faded writing. It looked like some kind of message was carved into it, but the words were in a language neither of them could understand.

"What could it mean?" Yuugi wondered aloud.

-

A dark voice came to them from out of the night - directly behind their backs.

-

"_Here lies those fallen in service to the Royal Family_," said the creepy voice, "_Trespassers beware, for in this place the Shadow Folk guard these souls…_"

The creepy evil-sounding voice would have continued, but Yuugi - who was frankly getting VERY sick of the whole scary-undead-monsters-are-everywhere quality to Hyrule - whipped his sheathed sword out and whacked the owner of the creepy evil-sounding voice hard in the head.

-

-

When Yuugi opened one eye to see what he had hit, he found a grumpy Bones sitting on the ground, holding his head in pain.

"Aw, man! Nobody's got any sense of humor anymore," the zombie duelist growled to himself, before suddenly noticing who he had been whacked by.

-

"Uh, no way! You're that Yuugi kid, aren't you?!"

-

'And this guy is how old?' Yuugi wondered, more than slightly annoyed about this particular topic.

-

-

Nevertheless, Yuugi helped Bones to his feet and apologized for trying to bash his head in with the sheathed Kokiri's Sword. Bones managed to take it in stride.

"I suppose I should expect that when I'm spooking people," Bones admitted, "But what's a guy like you doing around here?"

-

"Um…" Yuugi trailed off, uncertain.

"This graveyard is the only place that's open at night?" Yami offered.

-

Bones lit up.

-

"You bet it's open! Graveyards are always best seen at night, you know," Bones said knowingly, "That's when the ghosts come out to play…"

"And that's why I run my little side business after dark," he added, sounding rather smug.

-

-

"Business?" Yuugi asked.

"Oh yeah, I was going to put the sign out tonight," Bones said, pulling out a big wooden sign that he had dropped, "Check it out!"

-

'_**Scare your friends and yourself with the never-ending horrors of one of Kakariko Graveyard's own Heart-Pounding Bone-Chilling Graveyard Tours! Tours only between Sundown and Sunup. For further details, feel free to consult Bones, the Kakariko Graveyard's resident manager/mortician…but only after dark!**_'

-

"Muwahahaha!" Bones laughed, "Isn't it going to be awesome? Hey, I got it! I'll give you a free complimentary tour tonight - that way, I can really rake in the customers!"

-

-

"Well, I don't know…" Yuugi started.

"Oh please please PLEASE!" Bones begged him.

-

"Fine, just stop moaning already," Yami snapped.

-

-

"Excellent! Wait right here while I put up the sign," Bones instructed, "And then…_THE HORROR SHALL BEGIN!_"

-

Bones ran for the entrance to the graveyard, cackling loudly to himself as he went. Leaving his two premier tourists to wonder if perhaps the moaning had been a better plan to go with.


	14. To the land of the Mole People

Tulip-Jin: Yay! Its snowing! You guys know what that means?

-

Yami Tulip-Jin: Me ignoring you?

-

TJ: (makes face) Noooooo...

-

Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rawwr rawr rawr? (Shoveling the driveway?)

-

TJ: (big grin) Great! Shovel's by the garage door! Thanks a bunch, Chibs!

-

Chibi Red Eyes: Rawr? Rawwwwwrrrrrr... (Huh? Damn lazy human...)

-

(Chibi Red Eyes goes outside. Not bothering to use a shovel, she uses an Inferno Fire Blast to blast away the snow)

-

Chibi Red Eyes: Rawr rawr! (All done!)

-

Yami TJ: Huh? Nice. One question, Chibs. Who's filling in that huge, smouldering hole that used to be our driveway?

-

TJ: Did someone say Huge, Smouldering Hole? You can't fill it in - those are the best holes of them all!!!

-

Yami TJ: Then you build a bridge over the hole, or it's bye-bye smoking pit.

-

TJ: You can count on me! Now, first I'll need some wood...any witches 'round here?

-

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Disclaimer: See other chapters, clueless person

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As for the graveyard tour itself, Bones had managed to do pretty well with it, despite the rather bland cemetery he had to work with.

-

-

Not only did he rig up a few of the scary surprises that had filled the tunnel Yuugi remembered not very fondly from Duelist Kingdom, he told such outrageously scary stories about every single grave - and how every single person buried in there had died outrageously scary deaths - Yuugi was quite willing and able to give Bones an honest assessment of how well his business was going to do…assuming Bones didn't manage to scare away all his customers first.

-

-

But when Yuugi walked away from the cemetery, Yami fluttered around his head and demanded that they go back at once.

"Are you insane?!" Yuugi snapped, "I'm going to be having nightmares for weeks now, and you want to go BACK?!"

-

"I'll go back by myself if I have to," Yami replied calmly, and immediately turned and flew back towards the graveyard.

-

Left alone on a dark path, his head now filled with the spooky horrors Bones had described so well, it took Yuugi less than a minute to realize that he'd much rather stick with his yami/nightlight.

-

-

Bones had gone to bed - he lived in a little wooden hut inside the graveyard, next to the entrance - and the two of them walked past all the graves, heading for the back.

-

-

-

There was an open section in the farthest back of the graveyard that hadn't been part of the tour. Here were only three tombstones: a particularly large one, and on either side of it two regular-sized tombstones.

Something else was peculiar about this section. A miniature storm hovered right over the large tombstone. When you walked from the back to the front, the storm died down into nothing really quickly, but back here it was windy and rainy and rather unpleasant.

-

-

"Why did we have to come back here, Yami?" Yuugi finally asked after looking around and seeing nothing else of interest.

"I sensed some strong shadow magic back here," Yami answered, "Now its hiding, but when I sensed it, it was as if someone opened a portal to the Shadow Realm…"

-

"Oh great, now we have the Shadow Realm to worry about too!" Yuugi growled.

-

In his frustration, he kicked one of the regular-sized tombstones. And very soon regretted that when a dark mist flowed out of the stone. The mist grew and coalesced into the shape of…

A large pumpkin with a straw hat and VERY big teeth. Also known as Pumpking, the King of Ghosts.

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"GHOST MONSTER!" Yuugi screamed, bolting for safety.

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Unfortunately, he tripped over the other regular-sized tombstone, disturbing its occupant. This one was a fully armored knight…minus its head. Thus its name of the Headless Knight.

-

The two ghost approached Yuugi, looking very menacing and scary. Yuugi thought that this was the end, until Yami's voice cut into the scene.

"_Cut that out!_"

-

Pumpking and the Headless Knight took one look at the fairy menacing them and jumped backwards. There they waited, while Yami tugged on Yuugi's hat until the hikari was finally willing to get back up.

-

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"Okay then," Yami continued in his best 'I'm Pharaoh so you listen to me or else' voice, "What are you two doing here? Tell us right now or else its back to the Shadow Realm with the both of you!"

-

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The Headless Knight, sticking his sword into the ground, began explaining. At least, that was what they thought he was gesturing about. But since he lacked a head - and therefore, a mouth - there was only silence.

Finally, the Pumpking slapped his fellow ghost's arm, apparently shutting him up before explaining things himself.

-

"We're supposed to keep people from finding the secret buried under that big tombstone," said the Pumpking, "If we had known you were the one that wished to see it, Sire, we would have never attacked you!"

"See that you don't forget in the future," Yami snapped at them.

-

-

After the ghosts bowed and vanished, Yami was suddenly aware of the slightly P.O.'d look Yuugi was giving him.

-

"…Do I even _want_ to know why those monsters obeyed you?" Yuugi finally asked.

Yami gave him a non-arm shrug.

-

"They're Duel Monsters. Five thousand years ago, I was King of Games. Monsters don't forget those sorts of things, you know."

-

-

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The large tombstone was the oldest there. Hidden in the grass right next to it was an old lever for something. It was made of wood. When Yuugi pulled in experimentally, blocks rose out of the ground in just the right way to tip the stone over so that it fell backwards.

-

Under the tombstone was a deep hole. Luckily, there was also a sturdy ladder. Yuugi climbed down the ladder and found himself walking down a corridor through a crypt. Things only got worse when they reached a large open room. The middle of the room was almost totally blocked from side-to-side by a moat of steaming green liquid, and there were several things in the room. They looked a lot like dead bodies, but standing around. And they had wooden masks over their faces.

-

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"Not more zombies," Yuugi grumbled.

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-

On the opposite side of the room, there was a door leading deeper into the crypt. Yuugi was all for heading back the way they had come - the faster the better - but Yami was insistent that there was something important past that other doorway that they needed to check out.

-

Unfortunately, the zombie-things were in this room to prevent anyone from going any further. When Yuugi tried ducking past them and around the edge of the smoky green moat, the nearest one turned towards him, opened its mouth, and screamed.

-

It wasn't like a regular scream at all. Volume-wise, it was as loud as a normal person's speaking voice, but when the sound waves of the scream hit him, Yuugi's entire body seized up, totally paralyzed. And because he had been in mid-run, when his leg froze in position off the ground, Yuugi was unable to keep his balance and fell over.

-

As the zombie-thing approached him, moving incredibly slowly, Yuugi frantically tried to move, but his body remained locked in place. But, at the last second before one of the zombie-things' hands could grab him, Yuugi's body broke through the paralysis. As if they had never been stuck in the first place, his limbs propelled him forward and out of harms way.

-

-

Yuugi hurriedly yanked out the Kokiri Sword and whirled to face this monster. It was opening its mouth to scream again. Not hesitating for an instant, Yuugi slashed at the zombie monster. It recoiled, a deep gash down its chest.

-

-

-

Yami made himself useful at this point and latched onto the top of the zombie's mask, yanking it backwards and tipping the monster off-balance. As it fell over, it gave out a short scream. While Yuugi was now safely out of the way, Yami's left wing was not so lucky.

-

One wing frozen stiff, the other buzzing like crazy, Yami couldn't keep himself in the air and fell. He was heading for the glowing, smoking water, but Yuugi caught him in the nick of time.

-

- 

There were no more serious obstacles. Just one long tunnel, leading into the crypt's final room. Much to Yuugi and Yami's astonishment, from a hole in the ceiling came a shaft of moonlight.

-

"I could have sworn we were too deep underground for a moon-roof," Yuugi thought out loud, before turning to examine the large stone that dominated the room.

-

It was covered with writing. Although it was very dark, even with the moonlight, Yami gave off enough light that he could read the words. Luckily, he also could understand them and translated what they said.

-

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'_A rising sun will eventually set, a newborn's life will fade. Moon to sun, sun to moon, give peaceful rest to the living dead._'

"That's unusual for a gravestone, isn't it?" Yami wondered aloud afterwards.

-

-

"Yeah…" Yuugi blinked, "Hey, what's this down here?"

-

Scribbled on the stone, almost completely hidden in the shadows below the inscription, was what looked almost like…

-

-

"They're musical notes!" Yuugi said, amazed.

"Do you think playing them will be a good idea?" Yami wondered.

-

Not answering his other half, Yuugi studied the notes intently, before nodding to himself and pulling forth his Ocarina.


	15. Sunrise, Sunset, Sunrise, Sunset, Sunris

Tulip-Jin: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

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Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rawwwr rawr rawr rawwwwwrrrr? Rawr rawr rawr. (TJ's fallen asleep already? Something must be wrong with her.)

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Yami Tulip-Jin: Yeah, its called school. She thinks that if she hibernates 'till spring, she'll be so far behind that they won't want her to come anymore.

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Chibi Red Eyes: Rawwwr rawr? (You can do that?)

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Yami Tulip-Jin: She'll try...and I'll be the one that drives her to school, leaves her there with a sleeping bag, and then takes a LONG vacation until summer. It's all coming together... (evil cackling)

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Chibi Red Eyes: Rawwr, rawrrr rawr rawr rawr... (Great, now they're **both** sleep-deprived...)

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Disclaimer: See last chapter

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Hesitantly, then with more assurance, Yuugi played the song. The result was staggering. A column of light appeared where they were standing, and when it faded, Yuugi and Yami were left blinking in the column of bright sunlight coming from the ceiling.

-

'Wait a second…' Yuugi thought, 'How can there be sunlight if it's the middle of the night?'

"How long have we been down here?" he wondered out loud. "That song wasn't very long at all…is it morning already?"

-

"I think its too early for this much light," Yami answered, investigating the scribbled song, "Look at what else was written here!"

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"_Restless spirits wander where they don't belong_," Yuugi read, "_Bring them calm with the Sun's Song._' What restless spirits are they talking about?"

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"…Zombies?" Yami offered, and fluttered away with a short chuckle when Yuugi swatted at him.

-

Still, when they made their way back through the zombie-filled room, Yuugi was utterly delighted at how one riff of the 'Sun's Song' froze the zombie-creatures in place, making the walk back much more pleasant.

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That meant that Yuugi was **really** unprepared for when he made it back aboveground and figured out what time it was. They had gone down the hole around midnight, but now it was noon! According to his and Yami's hasty computations, they had been underground all of an hour at most.

-

Yuugi tried playing the Sun's Song again. Within seconds the sun had dropped out of sight in the west and the moon had risen up to take its place. Playing the song again turned midnight back into high noon.

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"This song can control the passage of the moon and the sun!" Yuugi exclaimed, "So that's what all that 'sun to moon' stuff meant!"

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Yami wasn't really listening to his aibou's realizations. He was busily glaring, first at the hole they had just exited, then at the Ocarina in Yuugi's hands, then up at the sun.

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"There is something VERY wrong with this concept," Yami muttered.

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Kakariko Village was much more lively during the day. When Yuugi made his way back to the big tree where they had found Strings, the bald ex-mind puppet was gone. Standing in almost the exact same spot was a much more familiar and welcome face.

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"Honda!" Yuugi greeted his friend, "It's you!"

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"Huh? Yuugi!" Honda exclaimed when he spotted the owner of the enthusiastic greeting, "Man, I was _wondering_ where everybody else was! Um, what's with the hat? And that glowing thingy?"

-

"Don't even start any 'glowing thingy' crap with me," Yami growled, perched comfortably on Yuugi's hat.

-

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"That's Yami," Yuugi said, "Don't mind him, he's just going through some religious issues."

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"Whatever you say man," Honda shrugged, "So, have you seen anybody else in whatever crazy place we've all ended up in?"

-

"It's called Hyrule," Yuugi said, "And yeah, I've seen lots of people - Mokuba, Kaiba, Rebecca, Bakura, Pegasus - even Bandit Keith and Shizuka! And Bones is over in that graveyard over there too."

-

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"Did you say Shizuka?" Honda said, a gleam in his eye, "Did she ask about me, Yuug? C'mon, you can tell me!"

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"Break the bad news gently now," cut in another voice, "She clearly must have talked about me the whole time Yuugi saw her!"

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"Duke, you're here also!" Yuugi greeted the newcomer - the inventor of Dungeon Dice Monsters and Honda's rival for Shizuka's affections.

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"You wish, 'Dukey-boy'!" Honda retorted.

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"Shut up! You're just jealous because you know you'll never be as lovable by the ladies as I am!"

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"The only thing I need to know," Honda grinned, "Is who's the boss. And its me! So get back to work, Duke, or else you'll get fired!"

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"Hah! You can't fire me," Duke snorted, "I quit!"

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"Um," Yuugi said, slightly unnerved at being in the middle of this argument, "What are you guys talking about?"

-

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"Oh? Oh yeah, I almost forgot! For some reason," Honda explained, "I'm the Head Carpenter of the carpenters working on improving Kakariko Village. You see all the half-completed buildings, Yuug? When my guys get done with stuff here, this town'll be better than ever!"

-

"And it just so happens," Honda added with a smirk, "That Dukey here is one of my loyal workers!"

"Loyal shmoyal," Duke grumbled, "I don't know the first thing about carpentry. I've been spending my time cleaning up after those other two nitwits."

-

-

As if on cue, a pair loud, arguing voices came from the top of the nearest staircase.

"Watch where you're swinging that beam, Rex!"

"Why don't you try shutting your mouth for once and lift your end already!"

-

"This thing weights a ton! Where is it supposed to go?"

"Over there, duh - Weevil, watch where you're going - whoa -"

-

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"Not again," Duke groaned.

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"Uh-oh…LOOK OUT BELOW!"

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"RUN!" Duke yelled.

Yuugi, Duke, and Honda dove out the way barely seconds ahead of the runaway beam and its two carriers. Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood were screaming their heads off, unable to let go of the bulky beam.

-

-

Down another staircase, there was the sound of a colossal crash. When the three went to go check it out, they found Rex and Weevil sprawled on the ground, the beam broken into several pieces.

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"I don't wanna go to school mommy," Rex mumbled dizzily.

"My name's Weasel and I like jugs," Weevil echoed, stars spinning around his head.

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"As you can see," Duke sighed, "The only one of us actually making any progress is Espa - and **that's** only because he's got his five brothers helping him out."

-

"Relax," Honda laughed, "We've got plenty of time! Who knows how long we're gonna be here, anyway? So, Yuug, where are you going?"

-

"Up Death Mountain, I think," Yuugi said with a shrug.

-

"Well, the only road up Death Mountain is that way," Honda said, pointing back up the stairs Weevil and Rex had gone plummeting down, "Good luck on that, I guess."

-

-

-

On his way to the road, Yuugi paused to watch Espa Roba and his brothers. They were hard at work, paying their observer no mind, and seeing them build vaguely reminded Yuugi of ants. They swarmed over each piece of building work and when they left, a wall or something like that stood it its place.

-

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Up at the highest part of Kakariko Village, the road leading up the mountain was blocked by a gate. Standing next to the gate was a guard. When Yuugi got close enough, he recognized the guard as Croquet, Pegasus' right-hand man.

-

"Greetings, Yuugi Motou," Croquet said, calm as always.

"Um, hello," Yuugi said, "Uh, can I go through this gate?"

-

"This road is very dangerous," Croquet said, "Only those people with express permission from a member of the Royal Family of Hyrule are allowed to pass through it."

-

-

At first, Yuugi had no idea what Croquet was talking about, but then he remembered the slip of paper Bakura had given him. He handed it over right away.

-

Yuugi and Yami - now over his earlier huff - watched in amazement as Croquet pulled out a Duel Monsters card from the pink folded paper.

-

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"Glory of the King's Opposite Hand?" Croquet inquired, showing them the blank card.

-

-

"…Sure," Yuugi said.

-

"Very well. You may pass through as you like," Croquet said, triggering the gate's opening mechanism.

"Err, thank you," Yuugi said.

-

-

But when Yuugi tried to walk past Croquet and go up the road, Croquet cleared his throat expectantly.

-

"What now?" Yami asked.

"Death Mountain is an active volcano," Croquet replied, "Metal shields are required."

-

-

"Active volcano?" Yuugi gulped.

-

-

"We don't have a metal shield," Yami answered Croquet.

-

"Here you go," Croquet said, handing over a large metal shield.

-

-

It was so large that when Yuugi strapped it to his back, over the wooden Deku Shield, he couldn't get it off again in a hurry. In fact, if he was attacked, Yuugi figured, it would probably be easiest to crouch down with the shield on his back like a turtle.

-

"You may go now," Croquet said, then turned back towards the village and gave the pair next to him no further mind.

-

-

Yuugi groaned when he saw how the path sloped. With this heavy shield on his back, it was going to be a very tiring hike.


	16. The Happiest Place in Hyrule

Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rawwr, rawr rawr rawr, rawwwwr rawr rawr! (Well folks, since those other two are currently MIA, I am happy to present the next chapter!)

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Disclaimer: See other chapters

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And if the path being sloped wasn't bad enough, the monsters in the path made things even **more** fun. By now, Yuugi was so tired that instead of trying to jump out of the way of danger, he opted to roll out of the way. He ended up retracing a lot of his steps, since rolling most often sent him back downhill.

-

That wasn't the half of it. Croquet hadn't been kidding about Death Mountain being an active volcano. The ground was very hot, and the sun didn't help at all. Plus every so often the mountain would rumble and shake, making Yuugi lose his balance. Hence more rolling.

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-

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When the sun set, and only partially because there were no skeletons popping out of the ground on Death Mountain, Yuugi plopped onto the nearest patch of level ground and went straight to sleep. He was so tired that he slept straight through until morning.

-

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The second day of hiking up Death Mountain was easier. Not only were the four-legged hopping monsters staying on the lower parts of the trail - places Yuugi had already gotten through - but the path was flatter and easier to travel.

-

It looked like the road had been rolled flat by some giant steamroller here. This clear part started at a large rubble pile, which was tucked neatly into a corner crevice, and lead up and into the mountain. The actual trail split off and went straight up, towards the top, but Yuugi decided to see who was keeping this other road clear first.

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Besides, the other way he'd have to rock-climb.

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Even with Yami using his wings as a miniature fan, Yuugi was not about to court heat-stroke. So he was _very_ relieved when the well-used road headed into a shady tunnel.

-

-

"I guess this is why these 'Goron' people have the stone of Fire," Yuugi sighed as he sat down to take a breather in the shade.

-

"Perhaps," Yami agreed, "But shouldn't we have seen some of those people by now? There have only been rocks, more rocks, those weird plants, and barely even any monsters."

-

"They probably stay in the shade where its cool," Yuugi shrugged, "Not like us crazy adventurers. We might even find someone in this tunnel we're in right now."

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Rejuvenated by the rest, Yuugi headed deeper into the tunnel. The floor sloped slightly downwards, and it seemed to grow warmer the further they went. Yuugi was just wondering if the 'Gorons' actually lived in the volcano when the tunnel opened up.

-

Past the end was an entire underground city!

-

The city was shaped like a pit, with four levels including the bottom. Right now, Yami and Yuugi were on the top level. There were holes in the walls of each level - some were doorways, others showed signs of stairs - and there was one other weird thing about this place.

-

Except for a few large rocks scattered about, the city was completely empty.

-

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"This is becoming very tiresome," Yami complained, as Yuugi took a seat to think.

-

Just as he was about to sit down on the nearest of the big rocks, it moved!

-

"Whoa!"

-

Very freaked out, Yuugi jumped away. He had his hand on the Kokiri Sword when the rock unfolded into a person! It was a very strange person, with thin arms and legs attached to a body of stone, but it was a person nonetheless.

-

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"Oh?" said the person, looking around until he spotted Yuugi.

Then he grinned a big, friendly grin.

"Ah ha! Welcome, stranger!"

-

The rock-man was being very friendly, and Yuugi, being the trusting person that he is - plus he and Yami shared a suspicion that his sword wouldn't hurt something made of rock - replied back in an equally friendly tone.

-

"Hi! Are you one of the Goron people?"

"That's right!" grinned the rock-man, "I'm Narka of the Gorons, pleased to meet you! Welcome to the bustling metropolis of Goron City!"

-

"This is 'bustling'?" Yami wondered as they looked over the still-deserted looking town.

-

"Oh, so all those funny rocks are really people!" Yuugi exclaimed, "I'm sorry I tried to sit on you, Narka."

-

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"No harm done, even if you'd did it," Narka laughed, "We Gorons have bodies as tough as stone, and hide as nearly as lovely. Stone is our greatest asset - and it makes for fine eating too!"

-

Narka's stomach growled ferociously at this point.

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"Why don't you eat, then? There seems to be plenty of stone around here," Yami pointed out.

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"Well, stone, that's _everywhere_," Narka sighed, "But we Gorons mine all the eating rock out of a place called Dodongo's Cavern. That rock is the tastiest and the healthiest - and now that the mine's been blocked up, we'll probably all starve to death."

-

"That's _awful_!" Yuugi cried, "Isn't there anything we can do?"

-

"Not really," Narka shrugged, "But don't worry about it. We Gorons are tough! We'll pull through. So, what brings you around these parts, Stranger?"

-

-

Yuugi was still too upset about the Gorons' food shortage, so Yami answered for him.

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"We heard something about a Spiritual Stone of Fire…?" the fairy inquired.

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"Stone? You must mean the old redstone!" Narka said.

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"It used to be kept right over there, until our Big Brother took it away."

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Narka pointed to a wooden platform. It was suspended over the middle of Goron City by tightly stretched ropes. There was a small pedestal that might have held something, but now it was empty.

-

"Our Big Brother took it away because of the food shortage," Narka explained, "He said that it was very important and needed to be protected, especially from hungry Gorons who might not know better! You'll need to talk to him if you want it."

-

-

The Big Brother of the Gorons - who was also their leader - lived down on the lowest level of Goron City. Yuugi headed down the many staircases until he reached the bottom.

-

A Goron curled up by a large, decorated stone slab was happy to point out that the slab was the door to the room where the Big Brother had locked himself - and the Spiritual Stone - away.

-

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"He said he was waiting for a messenger from the Royal Family to come, then he'd open the door," the Goron said, "I think they were supposed to have some sort of proof they were from the Royal Family?"

-

-

"Unfortunately, we don't have that note from Princess Bakura anymore," Yami sighed.

"We **do** have the song Mai gave me," Yuugi pointed out, "Its supposed to be a secret of the Royal Family or something like that, according to her."

-

"…Alright, its worth a shot," Yami agreed after a moment's thought.

-

When Yuugi played the Zelda's Lullaby, the Goron by the stone curled up and started snoring. Yami landed on his partner's shoulder, fighting off a yawn. But most importantly, the stone door rolled to the side and out of sight, leaving the way open.


	17. Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hutt

Tulip-Jin: Yup, its good to be popular!

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Yami Tulip-Jin: And how would you know that, person-that-I-only-hang-around-with-for-free-cable?

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TJ: Well, for starters, I don't pay for the cable. Chibi does that.

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Yami TJ: What! So what am I doing sticking around with a loser like YOU, then!

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TJ: ...I make the fudge.

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Yami TJ: Oh ho? Fudge! Oh my precious, precious fudge! We loves it, we do. Preccccccioussssss...

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TJ: O-kay...mental note, no more Lord of the Rings for the yami.

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Disclaimer: We don't own Yugioh or Zelda

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At first they thought that they were going to have to head down another long tunnel, but this path only lead a short way before Yuugi found himself climbing up some stairs and into a big, fancy room.

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Clearly this was the private abode of the Big Brother of the Gorons. It was decorated with rugs, paintings - on the walls - and a big ugly statue took up the entire back wall. So it was obvious to Yuugi that this Big Brother person was very important indeed.

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But the last thing he expected to find was the lanky, blinking, and perpetually-confused-looking teenager that was standing there waiting for him.

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"Hey, hiya Yuug'!" grinned the blond, "Long time no see!"

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"**_Jou_**? _You're_ the Big Brother of the Gorons!" Yuugi was flabbergasted.

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"So?" Jou snorted, "Who says I can't be king or whatever of a buncha rock-guys?"

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"No one," Yuugi reassured his best friend, "I was just startled is all. I wasn't expecting you to be here."

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"Hey, don't worry about it! I wasn't expecting _me_ ta be here either!" Jou grinned, "By da way, Yuug, nice hat."

"Um, thanks," Yuugi said, "And that's a nice, um, weird red jacket you have there Jou."

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"What, dis thing?"

Jou tugged on the sleeve of the very large red coat he was wearing over his regular clothes. It was long, going all the way to his knees.

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"Yeah, I gotta wear dis thing 'cause of da volcano. Up where da secret temple is, its so hot dat without one'a these things, I'd pop like an overcooked hot dog!"

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"What a splendid image," Yami said dryly.

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"Speaking of hot dogs," Jou continued, "You wouldn't happen ta have any food witcha, would ya Yuug?"

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"Sorry," Yuugi sighed, "And I was starting to get kinda hungry myself…getting up this mountain is hard work."

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"Jonouchi," Yami interjected, "Surely you don't have to eat only rocks, like the Gorons…"

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Jou shook his head.

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"Nah, but inside dat Dodongo's Cavern place is da only place on Death Mountain with food for people like us. Believe me, I checked EVERYWHERE. Now I'm so hungry I can't think straight…"

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Yuugi yelped when Jou toppled over backwards. He landed in a seated position, safely on one of the soft rugs, but was clearly too hungry to get back up or even consider working on Yuugi's own problem. This was especially obvious when Jou tipped over and landed on his back.

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"Isn't there some way to snap him out of this funk?" Yuugi wondered.

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"They say music soothes the savage be-" Jou's belly rumbled at this point - "Ah, the savage stomach, aibou," Yami suggested.

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Smirking - just a little bit - at his partner's save, Yuugi pulled out his Ocarina. But what song - if any - would do the trick? Zelda's Lullabye would probably send Jou to sleep, and Epona's Song wasn't perky at all…

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"Right, perky, got it," Yuugi chuckled to himself as he ran the notes in his head once, then started playing.

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Saria's Song did the trick. After the first couple of notes, Jou's feet were twitching. By the time Yuugi finished, Jou had jumped from the floor, straight into the air, and was precariously balanced on one foot while he enjoyed the rest of the effects of the music.

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"Holy smokes!" Jou crowed, when Yuugi had stopped playing, "When did you start playing music, Yuug? Whatever dat song was, I feel like I could run ta Duelist Kingdom an' back!"

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"I'm glad I was able to help," Yuugi mumbled, blushing.

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"Oh, dat reminds me! I totally forgot, but I was waiting for somebody from da 'Royal Family of Hyrule' when ya showed up. Come ta think of it, someone played a song like dat right before ya came in. Did ya see who it was?"

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"That was me," Yuugi said.

"You?"

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Jou's pleased look abruptly faded away.

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"You ain't pulling my leg, are ya?"

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Jou looked hopeful that Yuugi was trying to pull a fast one over him, and his face fell even further when he saw that Yuugi was telling nothing but the truth.

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"Aw _man_, why did da Royal Family have ta send you, Yuug?"

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"What's wrong with me?" Yuugi couldn't believe his friend was being so mean!

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Seeing the look on Yuugi's face - and possibly also noticing how Yami was buzzing angrily - Jou was quick to explain himself.

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"Da thing is, I was waiting 'cause I sent a letter ta da Royal Family, asking them ta send somebody ta help out with this food shortage," Jou explained, "Whoever they were gonna send would have ta help fix up Dodongo's Cavern."

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"I heard it was blocked up…" Yuugi started.

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"Well, actually we had problems before then," Jou admitted, "The Dodongos - big an' nasty lizards who live in da caverns - started showin' up in huge numbers. They're real dangerous, and it was too dangerous ta send even da toughest Gorons inta da mines after dat…"

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Here, Jou scowled.

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"And as if things weren't bad enough, **he** showed up."

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"He being…" Yuugi prompted.

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"It was Yami Malik, right?" Yami said, when Jou had refused to answer Yuugi.

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"Yeah," Jou growled, "Dat psycho jerk blocked up da entrance ta Dodongo's Cavern, and said he won't unblock it again unless we hand over the Goron's greatest treasure."

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"That's the Spiritual Stone of Fire, right?" Yuugi asked.

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"Huh? How did you know about it?" Jou wondered.

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"I bet it looks sort of like this," Yuugi said, pulling out the Kokiri's Emerald for a moment so Jou could see it.

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"Hey, dat's da same sort of thing!" Jou exclaimed, "Well, except dat it's a different color…you collecting them, Yuug?"

-

-

"Yep," Yuugi said, "Its to stop Yami Malik from taking over Hyrule."

-

-

"All RIGHT!" Jou yelled, "I'm behind ya all da way, Yuug! I'd be happy ta give ya dat Spiritual Stone if yer gonna take down dat Millennium-Magic-using pointy-hair-wearing little freak!"

-

-

-

…There was a VERY long and frigid silence. Jou blinked as he realized exactly what he'd just said, while Yami and Yuugi both gave the blond very nasty glares.

-

"Err, no offense, Yuug'," Jou mumbled.

"None taken, and thank you," Yuugi said, "But I couldn't _possibly_ just take the Stone and leave everyone on Death Mountain to starve to death! I'll go and fix your Dodongo problem myself!"

-

"But, how?" Jou asked, "Its blocked by a huge rubble pile! All the Gorons are too weak with hunger ta move any of the rocks, and they're the only ones who can carry such heavy things!"

-

"Isn't there any other way to get through, though?" Yami wondered, "Surely there must be some way to blast that cavern open again!"

-

-

"Blast it open? OOOOOOHHH, I **forgot**!" Jou exclaimed.

-

"What?"

-

"We can blow da rocks away with bombs! Why didn't I think of dat sooner? …Wait, no, I remember…"

-

-

"What _now_?" Yami grumbled.

-

"We can't use bombs 'cause da supplies have all run out," Jou sighed, "We don't even got any bags for carryin' bombs in! Thanks ta dat damn rubble pile!"

-

-

"The Gorons kept all their bombs in Dodongo's Cavern?" Yuugi asked, now completely lost.

-

-

"Nah, that'd be stupid," Jou said, "I don't know exactly how it works, but the Gorons make their bombs from Bomb Flowers, and those Flowers mostly grow in dark places - like da Cavern. And even if ya did have one, they're too heavy ta lift if ya ain't a Goron!"

-

-

-

There was a long pause as the three of them thought through their options.

-

-

-

"What do these Bomb Flowers look like?" Yami finally inquired, "Perhaps there are some growing in other places around Death Mountain?"

-

"Well, they're round and black," Jou said, showing the shape and size with his hands.

-

"Wait a second…I think I saw one of those on our way up here," Yuugi interrupted.

-

-

"…I remember that," Yami agreed after a moment of thought, "It was up on a ledge, overlooking that…pile of…rubble…"

-

-

"That's awesome!" Jou cried, "That means ya can use dat ta get inta da Cavern!"

-

Jou rummaged in a pocket of his big, red jacket. He pulled out a pair of small bracelets. Each one had a single bright ruby for decoration.

-

"What are those for?" Yuugi asked.

-

-

"Put these on," Jou explained, "And you'll be able ta lift da Bomb Flowers. These are Goron Bracelets! I'd use them myself, but, heh heh…they don't fit me."

-

-

Yuugi was able to slide the bracelets on without difficulty, and they were just the right size for his wrists. They did look a tad flashy, but Yuugi just pulled the sleeves of his tunic over them and that was that.

-

"You **real** sure you wanna do dis?" Jou asked him as Yuugi was preparing to leave.

-

"Yep! I'll be fine - plus I have Yami," Yuugi added.

-

-

"Good luck, man," Jou said as he waved them farewell, "Break a leg!"

-

-

"…That's only lucky in a theatre, Jou," Yuugi replied, after a moment of thought.

-

-

"Oh. Oops."


	18. Annoying Fiery Pit of Monsters: Part 1

Hastily Erected Sign: Yeah, we're just this lazy. Enjoy the chapter now!

Disclaimer: Check other chapters

(PS, what's with the editing, yo?)

* * *

- 

It wasn't nearly as hard to get the cavern open as Yuugi had thought it might be at first. The ledge with the Bomb Flower growing on it - which looked and was completely impossible to reach from the main trail - was actually accessible via a short walk up a smooth little path, starting right by the entrance to Goron City.

In front of the Bomb Flower was a sign that said: _Dangerous Plant. Do Not Pick._ Next to the sign was a rolled-up Goron, who introduced himself as Obbo.

"Its my job to stay here and keep people from disturbing this Bomb Flower," Obbo explained.

"But we need it for something very important," Yuugi protested.

"Nope, can't help you," Obbo said, "Y'see, this is no ordinary Bomb Flower. Most of the Bomb Flowers grow in dark places, like caves. But this one is sitting out in the sunlight! That means its absorbing heat from the sun, which means it could explode at the drop of a hat! Its far too overpowered for anyone to make a bomb out of, either."

Then Obbo firmly shoved them back down the way they had come. Not to be defeated so easily, Yuugi waited for the hungry Goron to curl back up before sneaking past him.

The Bomb Flower itself weighed only about as much as a football, something that confused Yuugi until he remembered he was wearing the Goron Bracelets. And when Yuugi picked it up, it started glowing and the top started hissing.

"Wow, what a weird plant," Yuugi thought out loud.

"Um, Aibou?" Yami mentioned when the glowing and hissing started getting very loud, "Isn't that thing going to explode at some point?"

Yuugi yelped - that little fact having slipped his mind - and immediately flung the Bomb Flower over the side of the ledge. It landed in the pile of rubble, and smoked quietly for a few more seconds, before:

**KA-BOOM!**

"That Goron wasn't kidding about that thing's power," Yuugi exclaimed as he watched the little pieces of gravel - all that was left of the formally huge boulders - rattle around the mountainside.

When the dust finally settled, Yuugi and Yami headed down the path to check things out. An entrance to a cavern of some sort marked the spot where the rubble pile had once lay. Undaunted - well, okay, maybe just a little daunted - the two brave heroes of our story headed into the dark depths of the hole.

A hole that soon turned into a tunnel, which opened into a massive cavern. And as if to disprove any very last stirrings of doubt about whether this was the correct place or not, a humongous lizard's skull dominated the far wall completely.

This was, in fact, Dodongo's Cavern.

And it was also **very** hot, probably due to the large open lava pools in the middle of the room. The molten rock cut off the entrance to the Cavern from the mining tunnels Yuugi and Yami could see in the side walls.

"Oh, great," Yuugi groaned, "Gorons must be impervious to lava - I wish Jou had mentioned how to get past these things…"

"…Yuugi, take a look at this," Yami called, having flown over to the nearest patch of lava.

"Maybe you can climb over using this rock?"

Floating in the lava was a wide, flat rock. Gases coming from the lava kept the rock from sinking and melting away. It was even able to bear Yuugi's weight, as long as he was careful. Facing with the prospect of third-degree burns all over his legs - assuming that he would still HAVE legs afterwards - Yuugi was very careful.

The mine tunnels seemed to have been carved willy-nilly, winding around and returning to the main cavern at random. And they were filled with Dodongos.

Baby Dodongos.

The little lizards were buried in the warm sand that made up the tunnel floors. When they detected Yuugi walking near them, they wriggled out of hiding and sprang at him, trying to sink their sharp little teeth into what they saw as a free lunch.

When they bounced off Yuugi's metal shield - or hit a wall when Yuugi jumped aside to safety - the baby Dodongos would glow very brightly and then blow up.

"Yami, I don't feel so good about seeing all those little infants dying right in front of me," Yuugi mentioned after an hour of this.

"Just think of all those nature documentaries you watch in science class, Aibou," Yami pointed out, "If all those lizards grew to adulthood, they'd starve to death because there wouldn't be enough food for all of them."

"Wow, and here I usually fall asleep during those movies," Yuugi said.

"I know. I switch with you when that happens."

Not certain how to respond to that, Yuugi kept going. After another hour, they reached the higher mine levels. Here the floors were all solid rock, so there were no more baby Dodongos to worry about.

Which was great, because they had more than enough trouble dealing with the grown-up Dodongos.

"WHY DIDN'T WE GET TOLD THAT THEY BREATHE _FIRE_!" Yuugi screamed, bolting to avoid the fiery blast of an armor-plated lizard which was **way** more than twice his size.

And when Yuugi finally managed to stick his sword into the Dodongo's only weak spot - its tail - it turned out the adult versions blew up too. Taking out chunks of the ceiling as they did so.

"That's IT! We're taking a break, right now!" Yuugi wheezed when they finally made it to the next big open area.

Thankfully, this particular section of the mines was completely Dodongo-free. In fact, it was the newest section of Dodongo's Cavern that the Gorons were excavating their chosen rocks from. The tunnel leading onwards wasn't even properly smoothed over yet. But at least there was plenty of room for Yuugi to plop down on his back and groan with relief at this chance to rest.

"You know what, I don't think I'm cut out for this heroic business," Yuugi said after a few minutes.

"You're doing fine so far," Yami replied, floating lazily overhead.

"First there was that boulder," Yuugi pointed out, counting off on his fingers, "Then that huge spider, then skeletons in the big field,_ then_ the zombies in the graveyard, and then there all this business with the volcano…if I didn't know any better, Yami, I could swear someone was out to get me."

When only silence responded to him, Yuugi struggled to a sitting position - wincing at the sound his spine made after lying on top of the metal shield - and looked around for his suddenly absent guardian spirit/fairy.

"Yami?"

"Hmm?" came Yami's voice from around a pile of rocks, "Oh, sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

- 

"I can see that," Yuugi retorted, climbing to his feet and going to see what was so much more interesting than a rendition of his woes and miseries (thus far).

Yami was perched on top of a wooden chest.


	19. Annoying Fiery Pit of Monsters: Part 2

Tulip-Jin: WHAT! Almost nobody cares to enjoy MY fic! Yami! YAMI!

Yami Tulip-Jin: Ugh, what do you want NOW, aibou?

TJ: Who's that super-powerful glowing guy you named the ceiling after?

Yami TJ: One, that would be Ra - aka The Boss of all Bosses, and Two, what are you babbling about - _ceilings_!

Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rawwwr rawr rawr, 'rawr rawr rrraaawwr', rawr? (You're always looking at the ceiling and saying, 'Why me, Ra? Why ME!', remember?

Yami TJ: ...No comment.

TJ: ANYWAY, getting back to MY problems...Yami, go tell your Ra-sun-god-guy to smite the readers who don't review, K? Thanks, you're great, don't ever change.

Yami TJ: (eye twitches) I'll smite you in another couple of seconds, you insensitive modern-aged twit...

Disclaimer: Ownership of Zelda or Yugioh not to be found here - you'll just have to steal it from someone else.

* * *

- 

After staring at it in shock for a couple of seconds, Yuugi pulled the chest open. Inside was a leathery brown bag, filled with some large lumpy things. When Yuugi peeked inside, he was slightly unnerved to see what looked like dozens of Bomb Flowers inside the bag.

"What are these things?" he wondered.

"Here, there's another of those plaque-things in here," Yami said, floating inside the chest for a better look.

"_Caution: Chest contains one Dodongo-stomach-leather bag of Industrial-Strength Grade-A Bombs. Please do not play with the dangerous mining equipment. Thank you._"

"…Why do they need a warning against something like that?" Yuugi asked, then quickly shook his head and added, "No, don't tell me, I REALLY don't want to know."

Sticking the bag of bombs into a pocket, Yuugi and Yami ventured forward. Much to their surprise, the roughly carved - or blasted, as they now realized - tunnel lead right to the main cavern. Even more surprising was that they were up on a high ledge, near the ceiling.

"I thought those passages were slanting upwards too much," Yami said when they were done taking in the view.

"I guess they were working up here, too," Yuugi thought aloud, "Hey, there's even a bridge over there!"

Heading for the bridge, our heroes found themselves positioned above the huge skull in the back of the main cavern. There was some miscellaneous equipment scattered on the bridge, and on the skull itself as well - including a rope ladder to reach the skull from the bridge.

It was hard to tell what the equipment was for, because except for the stuff on the bridge itself, everything had been ripped to pieces. Even the lower half of the rope ladder was missing. The skull had a wide hole in the top of it, and the claw marks all around the edge showed what had come out.

"I think I know what happened now," Yuugi said, "The Gorons were trying to dig behind that huge skull, but when they made the hole wide enough…"

"Out came all the Dodongos," Yami finished, "And that's where we need to go in."

"You sure?" Yuugi asked.

"Well, think about it. Those lizards didn't apparently have any reason to invade the Gorons' mines before…so, if we put a stop to whatever's driving them out of their natural territory, the Gorons should be able to take care of things themselves."

Even though he was only partially convinced by his Yami's eloquence - do to a few minor concerns about the missing lower part of the ladder and if there were any other Dodongos who had heads big enough for such massive skulls - Yuugi scrambled down the rope ladder, dropped down the rest of the way when the rope ran out (only a COUPLE of meters) and entered the space inside the hollow skull.

In this area, the tunnels seemed to be natural. Yuugi thought they had been formed by lava in some fashion. He was no geologist, but there were a few areas with flowing lava to give him the general idea.

If the mining tunnels had been full of Dodongos, the lava tubes were _packed_. In some places, Dodongos trying to take a bite out of a passing Kokiri/Duelist or Guardian Fairy/5000-year-old-Pharaoh-spirit ended up with chunks of the walls instead, or even other Dodongos, because the enormous lizards simply had no room to move in.

Judging from all the explosions this resulted in, the passing heroes suspected that there was going to be plenty of space when they were done back here.

And then they reached a place, deep down where the rock was hot from the nearby volcano, where there were no Dodongos at all.

"Oh, **this** is a good sign," Yami mentioned sarcastically.

Around the next bend, the tube suddenly got very tall and very wide. Which made the pile of rubble seem that much bigger in comparison. And this one wasn't about to budge, bombs or no bombs.

Fluttering around while trying to find a way past this obstacle, Yami discovered a branch in the lava tube that was in the wall, near the ceiling. Yuugi would definitely never have been able to reach it without the aid of the piled rocks.

"I wonder how much further this goes," Yuugi wondered aloud as he continued forward in this new tunnel.

"While I'm starting to wonder if this tunnel is particularly safe to be using," Yami said, hovering by the wall, which seemed to be full of uncomfortably deep cracks.

Before Yuugi could think of a response, he felt the floor start to dip underneath his feet. There was the sound of rock shattering as a large section of the floor Yuugi was walking on broke off from the rest and fell into the large, empty space that just so happened to be directly underneath it.

Yami yelled in shock, while Yuugi screamed in panic, but much to their embarrassment the floor section hit a curved wall and Yuugi's stone-sled slid to a safe halt with him still safely onboard.

Right into the HUMONGOUS lake of bubbling lava that dominated most of the also humongous cavern. Yuugi very quickly bailed as the chunk of stone sank into the liquid rock.

"Well, that explains why its so hot in here," he muttered, before a loud SLAMMING sound behind him got both his and Yami's total attention.

Complimenting the humongous cavern with the humongous lake of lava was a humongous Dodongo.

"This is just not my day," Yuugi groaned to himself as he prepared for a surely unpleasant battle.


	20. Victory party at the Goron Buffet

Tulip-Jin: Oh boy! Loyal reviewers! Me likey!

(long pause)

TJ: ...Hey, isn't this the part where my yami makes some sort of crude remark, thus eliciting a pummeling (by me) and starting a huge fight? WHERE IS SHE!

(guy runs up, hands TJ note, then runs away)

TJ: Lets see..._Dear Aibou, your story still sucks. Would be here myself to say that, but..._HEY! She's in Las Vegas! Why don't **I** get ta go ta Las Vegas!

(another guy with another note runs it to TJ)

TJ: This says..._Dear Aibou, scratch previous. Am now..._NOW SHE **OWNS** LAS VEGAS! How'd that happen? Wait, no, I don't want to know...

(third guy with yet another note)

TJ: And here we have..._Dear Aibou...please send five-hundred thousand in bail and enough extra for bus fare to Atlantic City. Police in Las Vegas are better at crushing the mafia than I thought. Love, Your Yami. PS..._WHAT! WHAT'DYA MEAN, I HAVE TO RETURN THE SLOT MACHINE YOU GOT ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY!

Disclaimer: We no own Yugioh and/or Zelda.

* * *

- 

Amazingly, except for some bruises - from hitting walls - a slight burn - got too close to the lava - and a bit tongue - an accident - Yuugi got off the battle pretty much intact.

With all the rolling and running Yuugi had been doing since the very beginning of his hike up Death Mountain, he was more prepared than he thought to deal with his monstrous new foe.

Although King Dodongo _might_ have just been going easy on what he saw as a ridiculously easy snack. Other Dodongos - even though the next largest was only a third of his size - had armor and possessed a tendency to blow themselves up rather than be eaten more or less alive - as was his preference.

This was just some little two-legs with a metal stick, plus some light-bulb-thingy.

So the last thing King Dodongo expected, when he opened his mouth to roast the tender two-legs to perfection, was to have a bomb land right in his gullet. And then explode.

Dodongos were not especially armored on the inside.

"Its working, aibou! Keep it up!" Yami cried, fighting to be heard over the pained roars of the massive dinosaur.

In between the attempts at flash-frying Yuugi, the huge Dodongo had a tendency to roll up into a heavily spiked ball and try to run him over. This was amazingly easy to dodge, since King Dodongo couldn't see where he was going all rolled up, only stopping when he slammed into a wall.

After munching on his fourth bomb, King Dodongo was in so much pain that he couldn't control his rolling at all…veering left and into the bubbling lava lake.

Yuugi covered his eyes and ears as best he could, while the monster screamed and writhed in a vat of burning death. Surprisingly, the addition of a King Dodongo to the lava caused it to cool and harden over.

The only thing left, when Yuugi looked again, was King Dodongo's head, burnt to a crisp.

Then a circle of blue light appeared, right by the head.

"I guess that means we can get out of here now," Yuugi sighed with relief.

"Yep…um, and you just **might** want to hurry, Aibou," Yami said, looking at something behind them.

Yuugi turned to look and gasped. Coming out in droves of the hole they had made by their entry were Dodongos. Lots and lots of Dodongos. Fear of the giant dinosaur had kept the beasts away from the biggest area they inhabited, but now they were free to come back.

And they looked hungry.

"Why does this keep happening, why does this keep happening, WHY!" Yuugi complained as he sprinted for the magic circle of escape.

Before the nearest Dodongo could take a bite out of them - and they were all lunging forward as fast as their two legs could take them - Yuugi and Yami were warped through the vortex to safety. When Yuugi could see straight again, he found himself standing right in front of the entrance to Dodongo's Cavern.

Jou, Narka, Obbo, and some other Gorons were waiting for him.

"All RIGHT! Yuug' did it!" cheered Jou.

"Three cheers for the Champion Dodongo-Basher!" Narka cried.

"GROUP HUG!" bellowed Obbo and the other two Gorons.

"**GAAH!**" Yuugi yelled, suddenly finding himself about to be on the bottom of a pile of four very heavy Gorons.

At the very last minute, Jou grabbed his hand and pulled Yuugi out of harms way.

"Sorry," the blond shrugged, "I forgot ta mention…look out for those Goron Hugs - real spinecrackers!"

"That wasn't the only thing he forgot," Yami muttered, under his breath where Jou couldn't hear him.

"So, man, how's about a big feast ta celebrate, eh?" Jou grinned.

"Definitely," Yuugi groaned, "I'm so hungry I could eat one of those exploding lizards…"

"Good thing dat's what's on da menu then, hah hah!" Jou laughed.

"Say what?"

It took Jou much badgering, but after Yuugi finally agreed to try a Double-Decker Dodongo-Burger - heavily doused in ketchup to disguise whatever taste it had - he agreed that the giant lizards weren't so bad after all.

Jou and the Gorons, meanwhile, were stuffing their faces. The Gorons were eating almost as messily as Jou was, and Yuugi was pelted with chipped-off pieces of rock the entire meal. But at least the Goronade tasted good, even though Yami and Yuugi made a point not to ask where **it** had come from.

"Oh, and before I completely forget, Yuug…here ya go!" Jou announced, pulling out the Goron's Ruby and handing it over.

The Gorons, full for the first time in months, all cheered loudly. Then Yuugi had to dodge another 'Group Goron Hug' before it was finally time to leave Goron City.


	21. More escapades on the mountain of DOOM!

Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rawwr, rawr rawr rawr...rawr rawr rawr! (Ahhhh, Spring is here at last...and we know what that means!)

(outside)

Yami Tulip-Jin: DIE, PESKY WEEDS! DIIIIEEE! (sounds of ground being pounded by oversized hammer)

Chibi Red Eyes: Rawr, raaawr rawr rawr rawr rawrrrrrr rawr... (No, not Yami TJ working on her Wacky Tabaccy of Doom patch...)

(in another room)

Tulip-Jin: DIE, RABID DUST BUNNIES! DIE! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Chibi Red Eyes: Rawr rawr rrrrrrrrawwrr rawr rawr... (Not even TJ's spring cleaning frenzy...)

(sounds of multiple explosions)

Chibi Red Eyes: Rawwwwr rawr. (Oh forget it.)

Disclaimer: Zelda and Yugioh NOT owned here!

* * *

- 

"Where'ya going now, Yuug?" Jou asked his little friend as he was seeing him off from the gate.

"Actually…" Yuugi began.

"No idea whatsoever," Yami chimed in.

"Oh," said Jou, "Well, actually…I think I know someplace you should definitely check out. Up in a cave right by the top of Death Mountain, dere lives dis big fairy. Dey say you can get a wish or something up dere…but watch out 'cause da mountain is real active up by da top."

"Gee, thanks," Yami replied.

Yuugi wasn't too thrilled with the idea, either, but he figured Jou wouldn't send him off on a wild goose chase and so, when he hit the part of the trail that lead the rest of the way up Death Mountain, Yuugi turned off the rolled-flat part and started rock-climbing.

Thankfully, the sun set before he was halfway up, making it a much cooler trip.

"This isn't so bad," Yuugi mentioned when he scrambled to the top of the cliff and found a wide, flat lane leading to the next wall of rock he would have to climb.

"Keep an eye out, Aibou," Yami cautioned as they set forth.

Having learned more than enough about how annoying this volcano could be over the last day or two, Yuugi was more than happy to proceed slowly and cautiously.

Unfortunately…

"WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME!" Yuugi wailed as he bolted down the flat lane as fast as he could, running with all his might to avoid the rain of semi-melted rock now spewing down on them from the crater.

The volcanic rain only ceased when Yuugi reached the shelter of the next cliff, where the hot rocks wouldn't be able to hit him anyway.

"I have to say," Yami said thoughtfully, "They weren't too far off, naming this place 'Death' Mountain."

"But _why_ is the volcano trying to kill **me** specifically!" Yuugi demanded.

Since Yami didn't have an answer for that, Yuugi waited until he caught his breath and then started scaling the cliff. It was very flat, but because it was very rough Yuugi found more than enough handholds.

Up top, there was a tiny open area. This was where the only road up Death Mountain ended. Yuugi eyed the extremely close crater suspiciously, but the volcano seemed to have finally given up…for now.

"So, where's this fairy we're supposed to be looking for?" Yami wondered, after they had waited for a while with nothing happening.

"Maybe it says on that sign?" Yuugi wondered.

Sure enough, there was a sign. It was one of those signs shaped like arrows that pointed to whatever they were talking about.

One pointed to a nearby cave - the entrance of which was rippling with heat waves - and said: _This way to Death Mountain Crater. No access to secret temple from here. (Shh! It's a secret!)_

The other was pointed at a solid rock wall and said:_ Secret Fairy Fountain located here. (Shhh! It's a secret too!)_

_- _

"Okay, and now we have yet another thing to add to my list of weird signs that I've seen here in Hyrule," Yuugi sighed.

The rock wall was actually a fake rock wall. A bomb took care of it quite easily. The tunnel it revealed was dark at first, but after a few meters Yuugi found the dirt floor had been replaced by tiles. The walls and ceiling were tiled as well.

"Looks like the secret fairy redecorated," Yuugi noted, with approval.

"Sick of underground tunnels, are we?" Yami teased.

Yuugi would have found something truly devastating to say as a comeback, but he was distracted by the glow of light up ahead.

The glow was coming from the vast chamber that the tunnel was leading them to. In the center of the room was a wide, though shallow, pool of water. More water was constantly being pumped up from the bottom and flowed out from the middle and over the sides, where it was drained away.

"Now this is a nice change," Yuugi said, "The only liquid is _water_ and not lava or smoking green poison…"

"…So, how do we get this fairy's attention, Aibou?" Yami asked after another minute.

When they realized that neither of them knew what to do, Yuugi sweat-dropped. Yami growled threatening remarks about Jou under his breath.

Then Yuugi glanced down.

"Hey, look, its that Triforce thing," he said.

"It must be a clue," Yami agreed.

Yuugi pulled out his Ocarina.

"I get the feeling we'll be playing this thing a lot," he thought out loud, before playing 'Zelda's Lullaby' on the theory that it wouldn't hurt.

After he finished, the fairy's fountain was very quiet. Then, with a flash of pink light and a massive splash of water that left Yuugi and Yami completely soaked, the fairy of the fountain appeared. Unlike Yami, she looked like a full-sized person. She had enormous green butterfly wings (ala Fairy's Gift) and was also wearing…

…A Burger World uniform!

"ANZU!" Yuugi yelped.

"Yuugi?" Anzu blinked.

Then she screamed and dove back into the fountain, drenching Yuugi and Yami again.

"Um…Anzu?" Yuugi addressed the waters of the fountain carefully, "Are you all right?"

"No I'm not all right!" her voice came back from the waters, "The holes in the back of the uniform…for my wings…well, the top doesn't quite stay on anymore, okay!"

Having a wonderfully hormonal teenager moment, Yuugi contemplated this idea for a bit.

Then Yami bonked him in the head a couple of times to get the horrible image out of their heads.

During this interval, Anzu apparently took the time to change, because when she reappeared (soaking Yami and Yuugi for the third time in a row) she was wearing the outfit she'd worn during Duelist Kingdom.

"Okay, so…" Anzu began, "What's with the hat, Yuugi?"

"What's with you being a fairy, Anzu?" Yuugi retorted, not too thrilled to be teased AGAIN about his hat.

"Hey!" Yami snapped, "If **she's** a fairy, and **I'm** a fairy…why does she just have those wings and _I_ get stuck being a light-bulb, huh!"

"I think its just because I'm a Great Fairy," Anzu said, "So, what's up?" 

"Pretty usual, 'save the world' and all," Yuugi sighed, "So, do you grant wishes?"

"Not really," Anzu replied, "But I can make your sword better if you want…or even dry you guys off? Sorry about that splashing by the way…"

Cheerfully accepting the offers, Yuugi was dry and waving his sword around in minutes. Anzu had magically sharpened the blade, which had dulled on the Dodongos' armor, and now it would never grow dull again, or so Anzu claimed anyway.

After mentioning that there was another Fairy Fountain over by Hyrule Castle that they needed to check out, Anzu bid her friends a fond farewell, and then dove back into the fountain…leaving Yuugi and Yami to find their way out, once again soaked with water.


	22. The Adventure of the Clueless Ones

Random Sign: Because we're too damn lazy to have a REAL job.

Disclaimer: See previous stuff

* * *

- 

Outside the Fairy Fountain, the last person either Yami or Yuugi expected was waiting for them, perched on the signpost.

"Hi, Kaiba! What brings you here?" Yuugi greeted his archrival in his normal, happy way.

Yami just glared at Kaiba from his perch on Yuugi's hat.

Kaiba huffed and puffed himself up before replying.

"Mokuba told me I should go and make certain you weren't dead yet," Kaiba said, "It _appears_ that you're alive."

"Not for this stupid volcano's lack of trying," Yami grumbled.

"Hmph," Kaiba smirked, "You can't even climb up a mountain? Pathetic."

"Hey, Kaiba," Yuugi said, "Um…can you possibly give us a ride back down the mountain to Kakariko Village?"

"And why would I ever consider doing something like that?" Kaiba growled.

"Because," Yuugi said with a grin that was slightly evil in nature, "You _owe_ me, remember? For…_you know_."

"I remember," Yami smirked.

Infinitely less than thrilled, Kaiba agreed to give them an airlift to Kakariko village. Despite a near-almost-accidental-brush against the mountainside, the ride was fairly smooth. So it was sort of disappointing when Kaiba dropped them on top of one of the houses in the village, and then flew away really fast.

"_PEASANT!_" Yami shrieked after the departing owl.

Instead of complaining, Yuugi began looking for a way off the roof. All the rough-and-tumble in the Dodongo's Caverns was coming in handy now, because when Yuugi dropped from the roof to a ledge - and from the ledge to the ground - he couldn't help but think how much easier it was with a shorter drop and softer landing area, and **not** about how he'd just jumped off a two-story building.

As it was nighttime, there was once again no activity in Kakariko Village. Even Strings, who was once again sitting underneath the tree where they had seen him before, ignored them completely.

Which wasn't good, as Yuugi and Yami conferred to figure out where they should go next, only to discover they had no idea where the last Spiritual Stone was supposed to be.

"I say we go ask Princess Bakura. She - I mean He - is the one that sent us on this quest, that means she - uh, he will know where to go now," Yami suggested.

Agreeing with his darker half, Yuugi headed down the staircase that connected Kakariko Village to Hyrule Field. Of course, since it WAS still nighttime, that mean the skeletons in the field were up and kicking.

This time, though, Yuugi possessed a secret weapon.

When the first batch of skeletons charged for him, the hikari played the Sun's Song on his Ocarina. This turned night into the middle of the day, making all the skeletons sink back into the ground. Taking the chance to walk as slowly as possible, Yuugi had to play the Sun's Song four more times before he finally reached Hyrule Castle Town.

Unfortunately, security at the castle had tightened up since their last visit. Even taking the secret route that dodged all the guards, Yuugi discovered that someone had welded a grate onto the drain he had used to get in the first time, preventing future short people from impromptu visits.

But it wasn't a total loss. The suspicious-yet-out-of-the-way-boulder by the main gate turned out to be hiding a secret hole just the right size for Yuugi to crawl through. And now that he actually had explosives, Yuugi was able to enter this tunnel, and discovered the second Fairy's Fountain waiting for him.

Anzu was the Great Fairy that popped up when he played 'Zelda's Lullaby', soaking Yuugi and Yami through once again. This time she was wearing her school uniform.

"Huh?" Yuugi wondered, "Anzu, weren't you just at that Fountain at the top of Death Mountain?"

"Um…uh…no I wasn't?" she offered.

Yami and Yuugi sweat-dropped.

This time, Anzu gave Yuugi a 'special new power'. It was a little orange ball, suspended in a transparent diamond-shaped box.

"Its called 'Din's Fire'," she explained, "When you use it, it causes a big flash of fire to attack all your opponents at the same time. Pretty hot, eh?"

"Very interesting," Yami said, "Anzu, would you by any chance know where we should go for the next Spiritual Stone?"

"Not really, sorry," Anzu shrugged, "Is there someone else you can ask?"

And, much to Yami and Yuugi's annoyance, there was. But thankfully, they didn't have to ask her in person anymore. Instead, Yuugi went out to Hyrule Field and played 'Saria's Song'.

There was a long pause afterwards. Then, faintly, Yuugi and Yami heard a sound. A most familiar sound…the sound of a telephone ringing.

It rang five times, giving them false hope that the person on the other end of the line would not answer. But then their hopes came crashing down.

_/Hello hello! Rebecca the Genius speaking/_

_- _

"You called her, YOU talk," Yami hissed at Yuugi.

"Um…Hi, Rebecca. This is Yuugi," Yuugi said.

_/Oh, YUUGI! You finally played the song I taught you! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG! I WAS GETTING SOOO WORRIED ABOUT YOU/_

Before Yuugi could even begin to think of an answer to this, Rebecca continued talking without waiting for a reply.

_/ANYWAY, what's up, Yuugi? Is your quest-thingy going okay an' all/_

"Well, actually, that's what I needed to talk to you about," Yuugi said, jumping on the opportunity, "Rebecca, do you know anything about the three Spiritual Stones?"

_/Spiritual Stones? Let me see………/_

_- _

There was a pause.

_/EUREKA/_ Rebecca suddenly bellowed.

"My hearing! My precious, precious **hearing**!" Yami cried, having accidentally floated in the way of Rebecca's voice.

_/You're so lucky I'm such a genius/_ Rebecca giggled, _/There are three Spiritual Stones - Forest, Water, and Fire - one for each of the three special peoples. The Kokiri, the Gorons, and the Zoras./_

"Who are the Zoras?" Yuugi asked.

_/I don't know. But I think they live in Zora's Domain, and that's up at the head of the river./_

"Um, okay," Yuugi said, "Thanks Rebecca."

_/Oh Yuugi, you know I LOVE to help you out! Now get going - and if I get charged extra on my phone bill for this, YOU'RE gonna pay! (click)/_

And there was much blinking.


	23. The Easy Part: Or, not really

Yami Tulip-Jin: Hello again, all you silly mortals and whatnot that keep encouraging my Aibou in this stupid fic. Now, unless you're equally foolish, you'll turn your attention to the chapter below and read it. After reading, you WILL review, and to those of you who know what happens when you don't review from experience...hah, guess what, none of YOU are around anymore. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: Yugioh and Zelda not owned here

* * *

- 

As soon as our heroes recovered from their stunned stupor, they began heading for the river. It was close by, and so Yuugi began walking on the bank, heading upstream.

Surprisingly, even though the sun set as they were walking, no skeletons popped out of the ground right next to the river. Leaving Yuugi and Yami to enjoy their pleasant moonlight stroll, constantly wondering what the catch was.

That 'catch' turned out to be Zora's River.

Never before - or again - would Yuugi ever come across a river that was so damn COMPLICATED.

The first complication was that the gateway on the riverbank was blocked - filled with huge boulders. The two adventurers didn't get a chance to contemplate the weirdness of a gate being there at all because a certain someone was perched on the wall of the gate and smirking at them.

"For someone who doesn't really like us, you sure do seem to be stalking us fairly accurately, Kaiba," Yami greeted the big brown owl.

"Enlightened self-interest," Seto Kaiba retorted, "If you two fools die, how am I supposed to defeat you and reclaim the title you stole from me?"

"Stole from you? I wouldn't have even dueled you if you hadn't destroyed my Grandpa's card!" Yuugi protested.

"And since when do YOU actually acknowledge that Yuugi and I are two separate people that are sharing his physical body?" Yami added.

There was a long silence.

"…That's not the point," Kaiba finally answered.

"Oh, I think it is," Yami retorted.

"And you guys just keep telling yourselves that," Yuugi muttered under his breath, ignoring the continued squabbling of his darker half and his archrival as he headed for the gateway and determined the solution to getting past all the huge boulders.

Since that answer turned out to be one of his Grade-A Bombs, there soon followed an explosion. The boulders were blown to bits, and Kaiba took that as an excuse to fly away at top speed.

"Would you believe it, I think Kaiba's getting smarter against his will the longer he stays an owl?" Yami mentioned afterwards, "Its certainly a great _physical_ improvement for him as well, don't you think Aibou?"

Rolling his eyes, Yuugi just answered, "Whatever you say Yami," before heading down along the bank.

Unfortunately, that didn't go very much farther before they reached a tall iron fence. The fence was covered in big spikes to discourage people from climbing it, and at that it was very good - Yuugi took one look and didn't even bother to consider it as an alternative if nothing else worked.

And there was a spot where the river narrowed right there, it would be perfectly easy to jump to the other bank…

Yuugi stopped thinking things would be easy right before he hit the water. He'd forgotten that he was still wearing his heavy metal shield, and that had weighed him down too much to make the jump across the river. 

And the current was **FAST!**

**-**

**- **

Before he could do a thing about it, Yuugi was sucked down the river, around a bend, and over a short waterfall, before he finally hit the slow and shallow part of the river that flowed through Hyrule Field. The gateway was several yards further upstream than Yuugi was now.

"Bad river…_scary_ river," he gasped as he scrambled back onshore.

"Wow, that's one fast river all right," Yami agreed, only slightly freaked out about his hikari almost drowning.

Gladly, Yuugi immediately shucked the metal shield. Unbelievably, there was one pocket in the tunic that was the perfect size for the huge thing, and Yuugi felt much lighter with just the wooden shield - oh, and his sword, of course - strapped to his back.

So it was easy to jump over that narrow part of the river.

And over the next narrow part, even though a resident octopus-thing did spring up to spit some rocks at the passing Duelist.

Then it was up over an arch, jump to a high ledge, jump to an adjoining ledge before jumping into the river - this part shallow and with handy logs to grab before getting dragged back downstream again - and then more running and climbing and jumping and running, until at last Yuugi was past the part of Zora's River that was really more like three rivers, all running into each other and then separating and then rejoining again…

Oh, and did we mention they were all filled with more octopus-things and more of the springy monsters from Death Mountain?

"Too much more water, and I'd need to turn into a fish," Yuugi joked as he and Yami rounded the last bend of the river, which was now flowing through a narrow chasm.

"…And there you go, my fishy-Aibou," Yami said a minute later, when the two of them finished gawking at the massive waterfall blocking their path.

"Hardy-harr-harr, Yami."

And while the waterfall itself was big and obvious, the way past the waterfall was almost more complicated than the previous stretch of river. Yuugi had to scramble around a rocky ledge, which stuck out, twisted around, and then ended abruptly, leaving him splashing through the shallowest part of the water to the ladder that was the ONLY way to reach the other ledge, which also twisted around a whole lot.

This second ledge ended at the flat, not-at-all-climbable wall of the canyon.

"…This just gets better and better," Yuugi commented, "Water water everywhere, and not a door in sight."

"…Um," Yami piped up, "Well, there's always that metal plaque thingy you're standing on, Aibou."

Except for the sound of rushing water, there was a second of utter silence.

"Yami," Yuugi growled, "…It's a LOT more helpful if you just say, 'Hey look! Writing!'"

"…But where's the fun in _that_?"

Yami the fairy/Pharaoh was promptly swatted out of the air by a pointy green hat.

While he recovered from his other self-inflicted pummeling, Yuugi read the message on the plaque. Something about a river sleeping with the King of Hyrule, he swiftly determined.

'When I said I was going to be playing this a lot, I didn't know how right I was going to be,' Yuugi sighed to himself mentally, before pulling out his Ocarina and playing 'Zelda's Lullaby' for what seemed like the hundredth time. Or maybe it was just the fourth time, as he wasn't really keeping an accurate count.

However many times it really was, the song worked - just like it had worked all those other times before. The waterfall slowed down in the middle, revealing a tunnel carved into the wall that lead - hopefully - to their destination.

Yuugi still had to jump over an impressively high gap to reach said tunnel, but he made it with barely any slipping-backwards-into-the-river issues at all.


	24. It's all Greek to me

Tulip-Jin: YAY! I have hard-core fans!

Yami Tulip-Jin: Somehow, I doubt that's possible...but hey, I've got nothing better to do - Hey, Aibou, what makes you say that?

TJ: They're the ones that keep reviewing, silly!

Yami TJ: (blinks) ...Ah.

TJ: (sighs) Now if there were only more of them...

Yami TJ: Ugh, hikari you're pathetic. Oi! YOU! Up there! The one reading the fic! Review and die! Don't review and also die! Uh - And in either case of death, we can't be sued unless you're immortal!

TJ: Because immortals _don't_ die...**now** who's pathetic.

Disclaimer: Zelda and Yugioh not owned by us

* * *

- 

The massively beyond-huge cavern that Yuugi and Yami reached next was Zora's Domain.

This, they could tell right away. Possibly because the sign right at the doorway said 'Welcome to Zora's Domain', and possibly because the whole place was filled with fish-people who were probably the Zoras.

So in Zora's Domain there were Zoras, and water. In fact, most of the cavern's immensity was located deep underwater. There was another huge waterfall in here as well.

But this was all stuff Yami noticed, being the desert-guy that he is.

Yuugi was busy gazing upon the Zoras. A Japanese person, surrounded by raw fish, and particularly a teenage one that hasn't eaten in a while…

"Aibou? You're drooling," Yami nudged his hikari.

"Sorry," Yuugi mumbled, wiping his chin.

"…You know what, I think I'll go talk to the Zoras," Yami suggested, "While you stay here and don't move. At all. Think you can manage that?"

"…Yeah," Yuugi replied, "I guess we should, um, find out which fish is in charge and all…"

Yami zipped away, down the ledge which was almost all the not-underwater area there was here. Up ahead, the way split into two paths, one going down to the water, and the other going up a huge flight of stairs. The nearest Zora was standing by the water, though, so Yami went that way.

Zoras were even weirder up close. White and blue scales, a finned-tail-thing going out of the back of their heads, and they were all naked.

'It's like the Greeks all over again,' Yami told himself, not questioning where this disturbing memory was coming from.

The Zoras all had the same disdainful expression on their faces as well. The one Yami was approaching seemed torn between amusement and more amusement at the light-bulb coming over to talk to him.

"What are _you_ supposed to be?" the Zora asked.

"…Shut up," Yami retorted - something in his brain telling him that this was the proper way to address Greek-imitation-fish-people, "I want to talk to whoever's in charge here."

"Good for you," the Zora replied sarcastically, "I don't know, why don't you try going, say…_upstairs_? Where the _sign_ says, 'Zora King's Throne Room'?"

"…Hmph," Yami huffed, turning and heading back to where Yuugi was waiting and trying in vain to ignore the pleadings of his stomach.

He had to be nearly dragged to and up the stairs, but once all that fish was out of his sight Yuugi was able to walk upstairs on his own. And that was only for the few steps before Yuugi got it into his head that the King of the Zora's had to be a truly _big_ fish.

And that's when Yuugi started to run.

Yami had almost caught up with his Aibou - who, he feared, was becoming more hopelessly insane by the second - when Yuugi reached the top of the stairs…and fell into a big pool of water with a huge SPLASH!

"_GAH! COLD!_" cried the mortal, dragging himself ashore right away.

Yami sweat-dropped, but his embarrassment at his other half's antics was cut short by a hearty cry of, "Ahoy there, land-lubbers!"

Off the top of the miniature waterfall - which just so happened to fill the pool Yuugi had just become so closely acquainted with - jumped a tall figure. He landed in the water with a massive splash, and that was followed by another one as he jumped out of the water again, to land right next to our two heroes.

It also just so happened to be Mako Tsunami.

"Ah, Yuugi! Long time no see!" Mako grinned.

"Hi Mako!" Yuugi greeted the Duelist of the Sea cheerfully, all thoughts of eating him long since thrown to the wayside, "It's good to see you! How is everything?"

"So, Mako is the King of the Zoras…" Yami mused to himself, "Hmm, the _fish_-people. **Wow**. Well, I sure didn't see THIS coming."

"WAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!" Mako laughed, "It is wonderful to see you again as well, Yuugi. Welcome to the greatest place a fisherman could ever DREAM of visiting!"

"Yeah, we saw the Zoras on the way in," Yuugi said.

"…Well, yes, I do remember trying to spear a few of them when I first arrived," Mako mentioned sheepishly, "But actually, Zoras are almost as good at fishing as my father is, and as I hope to be. There are so many fish here…big fish, HUGE fish! A big catch everyday! I LOVE it here!"

"Good for you, Mako," Yami replied, "At least someone's enjoying this twisted dimension…by the way, you wouldn't happen to possess something called a Spiritual Stone…?"

"I'm not sure," Mako said, thinking.

"Well, it looks sort of like these," Yuugi said, pulling out the other two Spiritual Stones for Mako to see, "But its probably blue."

"…I do recall hearing of such a stone," Mako said, still looking thoughtful.

"Great!" Yuugi exclaimed.

"But I don't have it."

"Not great," Yuugi sighed.

"That stone belongs to the Zora Princess," Mako explained.

"Okay, we'll go ask her for it," Yuugi reasoned, perking up again, "What does she look like?"

"Ah, the Zora Princess!" Mako sighed, "What she looks like…"

- 

There was an expectant pause.

"…I haven't the _faintest_ idea!"

Yami and Yuugi face-faulted.

"How can you **not** know what she looks like if SHE'S the Princess and YOU'RE the King!" Yami demanded.

"Because I never got a chance to meet her!" Mako protested, "She was missing before _I_ ever got here!"


	25. In the halls of the King of Fish

Yami Tulip-Jin: Stupid hikari, stupid lawyers, why can't I just blast 'em to the Shadow Realm...

Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rawrrrr? Rawr rawr rawr, rawwwr? (Huh? What's wrong, Y-TJ?)

Yami TJ: Because I scared almost all the reviewing people away with my threatening dealie last chapter, my oh so lovable Hikari is making go to one of those 'unlearn your homocidal tendencies' programs. ...Wait, did you just call me 'Y-TJ'?

Chibi Red Eyes: Rawwr...rawrrr? (Uhh...no I didn't? )

Yami TJ: Okay then.

Chibi Red Eyes: Rawwwrrr rawr, rawr rawr rawrr rrrrawwr? (So anyway, what's the program called?)

Yami TJ: 'The Do's and Don't's of Violent Interpersonal Relationships'. We get to learn about _SHARING_! Oh _GOODY_!

Chibi Red Eyes: (sighs and mutters) Rawr rawr raaawwr rawrrr... (If the kindergarden class fits...)

Disclaimer: We no own Yugioh and/or Zelda. You got that?

* * *

- 

"So, lets get this straight," Yami said when they were all seated - all of them tired from standing up for so long, "The Zora Princess, who has the Spiritual Stone we need, is missing."

"Yep," Mako said.

"And all of the Zoras are busy searching for her?"

"Up and down the river," Mako confirmed.

"And they haven't found her yet."

"Unfortunately, that is so."

"…Well, what can we do to help the search?" Yuugi asked.

"The Zoras are capable of swimming from their Domain to Lake Hylia in under an hour," Mako grimaced, "Even I am not that good a swimmer. As much as it pains me, I have been leaving the search to those better equipped."

Yuugi looked disappointed. Possibly in hope of making the other Duelist feel better about not being able to do a thing to help - Mako having since noticed Yuugi's freakishly selfless streak **long** before this adventure - Mako said, "Well, since we have nothing else to do…let us go fishing!"

"…I guess…sushi does sound good," Yuugi thought aloud.

Yami sighed to himself, but before Mako and Yuugi could go ahead with their fishing plans, a Zora ran up the staircase. This one wasn't completely naked - it was wearing a metal helmet that had an open back for his tail-fin-thingy.

"Your Majesty!" the Zora cried, "The search party from Lake Hylia has returned! They have found what appears to be a clue to the whereabouts of the Princess!"

"A clue? Let me see this clue," Mako cried, jumping to his feet.

The Zora guard handed over what looked like a glass bottle. In fact, it really was a glass bottle, and rolled up inside was a piece of paper.

"What does the note say?" Yuugi asked, unable to read it over Mako's shoulder for the obvious reason.

"It says, '_Dear anyone - I am trapped inside Jabu-Jabu, please for the love of all that is right and good in the universe get me out of here!_'," read Mako.

"What's Jabu-Jabu?" Yuugi asked next.

"…That's the fish that the Zora's see as a guardian deity," Mako explained.

"…Then doesn't that mean that the bottle in your hand had to go out through the backside of a fish?" Yami wondered.

There was a brief pause in their conversation as Mako threw the bottle away and went to go wash his hands. Even the greatest fisherman has his limits when dealing with certain parts of fish anatomy.

"Okay, so let's go see Jabu-Jabu then," Yami suggested when Mako returned.

"OK," Mako said, "This way."

He lead the three of them - the Zora guard was following them - up the small, winding ledge to the top of the little waterfall that he'd jumped from. The waterfall was fed by a stream going through a tunnel, and blocking the tunnel was a thick metal gate. Mako pushed it open and they all continued down the tunnel, until they saw the light.

That light was the sun, of course, and the tunnel ended right at the edge of a huge lake. A short ways over, the water poured out in what had to be the big waterfall blocking the entrance of Zora's Domain from Zora's River.

Except for the stone platform rising up out of the water, there was nothing in the lake but themselves.

Them and the HUGE fish who decided to stick his head up to say hi.

"And that is Jabu-Jabu," Mako said.

"WHOA!" Yuugi yelped, "That's a big fish alright!"

"The biggest," Mako grinned, "Lord Jabu-Jabu has been revered by the Zoras for generations. Only those with special permission - the attendants - are even allowed to see him."

"Special permission?" Yami inquired.

"…They, um…well, Jabu-Jabu is fed a meal of fish four times a day," Mako mentioned.

"Um," Yuugi interrupted, "Hey, Mako? Is Jabu-Jabu supposed to be so…green around the gills?"

Sure enough, the mega-sized fish wasn't moving too much, and looked distinctly ill.

"None of the Zora have been able to figure out why," replied the Duelist of the Sea, "But Jabu-Jabu has been ill since before I got here - since before the Zora Princess disappeared, even. Ever since a strange man from the desert came by, according to them."

"Yami Malik," Yami growled.

"Well, the Zora Princess must have been eaten by Lord Jabu-Jabu," Mako continued, "Now, how shall we get her out? Harming Jabu-Jabu is _completely_ out of the question."

For a few minutes, there was a long silence as they tried to think of a way. And it was Yami that came up with the answer.

"We need to make Jabu-Jabu throw up," Yami said.

"Fish vomit? **Lovely**," Yuugi grimaced.

"Its either that or YOU get to go INSIDE the fish and pull the Princess out yourself, Aibou," Yami retorted, "And that's one BIG fish right there after all…"

"Someone find us a _HUGE_ bucket!" Yuugi declared.

Now, the only question was - how do you make a whale-sized fishy blow itself some chunks? Once again, Yami came up with the answer.

But the credit _really_ went to Yuugi's Grandpa's one-time participation in a College Chili Cook-off. Grandpa had recently recreated his prize-winning meat dish, and from that Yuugi and his friends had learned to be VERY wary of the things Grandpa made for dinner.

The main ingredient of Grandpa's chili?

Five pounds of pure wasabi.

Luckily, the Zoras were able to find that much wasabi. They also brought up a bunch of large fresh fish. And it was left to Yuugi and Mako to coat and stuff each and every fish with the wasabi. Then the load of green-covered fish was carried up to the platform and left sitting right under Jabu-Jabu's nose.

The giant fish blinked, and then lunged for the offered meal, almost swallowing the huge serving platter in its feeding frenzy. Surely a big meal would be just the thing for its queasiness and stomachache! The load of food had just hit Jabu-Jabu's belly before the huge fish noticed that something was wrong. Very, VERY wrong.

Instead of the expected deliciousness, there was only **BURNING!**

**-**

**- **

And so, Jabu-Jabu writhed, choked, and finally relieved its pain with the biggest episode of chunk-blowing Yuugi had witnessed since Jou's brilliant Tequila-Chugging Contest last year.

Zoras ran around screaming, trying to avoid the rain of nastiness their Guardian Deity was sending down upon them. Having thought about this part beforehand, Yami, Yuugi, and Mako were safely sheltered in the tunnel.

It wasn't just spicy fish and vomit that came out, though. Something the size of Yuugi sailed through the air, screaming its lungs out, and landed with a big splash near them.

"What the -!" Yuugi gasped, "Is **that** -"

"It _is_," Yami agreed, equally incredulous, "So THAT'S what happened to him!"

"Who are we talking about?" Mako asked, pointing to the green-haired kid who was attempting to wash himself off in the water, "Who's that?"

"That is Noa Kaiba," Yami explained, while Yuugi splashed over to actually offer a hand to the green-haired Kaiba.

- 

"Huh? Oh, Yuugi Motou!" Noa exclaimed, "What are you doing here?"

"Even if I told you, you wouldn't believe me," Yuugi answered.

Meanwhile, Jabu-Jabu wasn't quite done hurling yet. With one last massive - and disgusting - hacking sound, it spat out something bluish, wobbly, and made of tentacles. It landed on the platform with an oozy splat.

"GIANT JELLYFISH!" Mako crowed in delight, dashing towards the icky thing, "BOIL IT! GRILL IT! BIG FISH!"

"Who is that? Or do I not want to know?" Noa asked.

"That's Mako. He's supposed to be the King of the Zoras - those fish-people," Yuugi explained.

"He's a crazed fisherman," Yami added.

"Yami!" Yuugi scolded, "Mako is not _crazed_."

"He threw a harpoon at us when we met and called us a 'big catch of fish'!"

"And the nice way to say that is _overly enthusiastic_," Yuugi replied.

"Well, I _guess_ this is better than being dead," Noa mused.

"Guess again," Yami retorted, "**You're** supposed to be the Zora Princess."

"WHOA!" Noa yelped, "Don't I get any say in this!"

"It could be worse," Yuugi mentioned.

"Yeah, you could be stuck as a fairy," Yami agreed sarcastically, "Boy, isn't it _lucky_ that _some_ people aren't flying balls of light with wings, _hmm_?"

"I think I sense a little tension here," Noa smirked.

"What tension? We're **fine**."

"Noa," Yuugi interrupted, "You wouldn't happen to have some big blue jewel thing? It's called a Spiritual Stone and we sort of need it for something…"

"You mean _this_ thing? Sure, take it," Noa said as he fished inside a pocket, "If I hadn't picked this stupid thing up, that fish wouldn't have gone crazy trying to **eat** me…"

The Spiritual Stone of Water - a.k.a. the Zora's Sapphire - was shaped like a ring of blue and gold, and sparkled in the sunlight. Yuugi and Yami felt relieved - FINALLY, their weird little quest was over!


	26. The end, the end, or so they thought

Tulip-Jin: Yay! Spring is here!

Yami Tulip-Jin: And I care since when now?

TJ: Shut up Yami. Don't you know this is the season for getting twitter-paitted?

(Yami TJ stares at her hikari, before pulling out Giant Mallet of Doom)

Yami TJ: I am an evil spirit. You have quoted from _Bambi_ before me. Prepare to die.

(cue dustcloud fight)

Disclaimer: Figure it out already! My fingers hurt from repeating this so much!

* * *

- 

After a night of feasting on fish, the two heroes of our epic felt _more_ than ready to take the Spiritual Stones to Princess Bakura. Out the entrance tunnel they went, TOTALLY unprepared for the full-force waterfall waiting for them.

On the other hand, being sucked downriver at full speed DID save a lot of time…

Yuugi wrung himself out, and they proceeded the rest of the way to Hyrule Castle Town on foot.

"So, how exactly are we supposed to talk to Bakura?" Yami asked, "It wasn't particularly easy or possible last time…"

"Maybe Mai'll help us get in…" Yuugi suggested, before pausing.

"Hey, Yami, how long has that huge cloud been over there?"

"…You mean that dark and menacing cloud, located _right_ over our current destination?"

Yuugi broke into a run, Yami buzzing worriedly right at his shoulder. Dark and menacing clouds had appeared before, after all…inside those clouds, one usually found the Shadow Realm.

The drawbridge was up, barring entry to Hyrule Castle Town.

"Not a good sign," Yuugi muttered.

"Heads up!" Yami snapped.

Yuugi looked up, and saw the problem right away. The drawbridge was lowering…right onto the spot where he was standing. Yuugi scrambled to safety just before he became the Pancake Formally Known as Yuugi.

He didn't get to enjoy his safety long, though - a motorcycle was bearing down on him from inside the town. A white motorcycle with a horse's head and a sidecar.

The horsecycle neighed in surprise, while its driver barely swerved in time to avoid hitting them. That driver was Mai. Sitting in the sidecar was Ryou Bakura - still in a dress.

Yami spotted - Yuugi didn't, as he was too busy trying to save his own life - how because of the swerve, Bakura dropped something he'd been holding, which fell into the moat. He didn't get a chance to tell Yuugi, though, because the reason Mai was driving her horsecycle into the distance without checking what she'd almost smashed into was approaching.

A huge, armored black horsecycle, flames shooting out the tailpipes, roared down the drawbridge. Its driver screeched to a halt almost directly in front of Yuugi, causing the horsecycle to rear onto its back wheel with a piercing whinny.

-

"Well, well! What DO we have here?" sneered Yami Malik.

"**You**…" Yami snarled, while Yuugi took a hasty step backwards and pulled out his sword and shield.

"I don't suppose you pathetic FOOLS are going to tell me where those two escapees have gotten away to, hmm?" Yami Malik smirked.

"Drop **dead**," Yami snapped back.

In response, Yami Malik whipped out the Millennium Rod. Black energy gathered at the head of the short staff, which without any warning the evil spirit flung at Yuugi.

Even with the protection of being behind his wooden Deku Shield, Yuugi was sent sailing with the impact of the powerful magic.

-

"_NO!_" Yami shrieked, heading for his hikari's still form instantly.

"Thanks for the idea, Pharaoh!" Yami Malik yelled, before wheeling his horsecycle around and roaring after Mai and Bakura.

"Yuugi, speak to me!"

"…_Owww_…" Yuugi groaned, "I landed on the Goron's Ruby…"

"…Let me guess," he added once he had scrambled back to his feet, "That wasn't good, right?"

"You really need to ASK?"

"Point taken. What do we do now?"

Yami fluttered over to where he'd seen something fall into the moat. Sure enough, there was something blue sitting at the bottom of the water.

It took some doing, but the fairy/Pharaoh was able to haul it to the surface by himself - where Yuugi then fished him out. The blue object in question was, in fact, the Ocarina of Time Ryou had shown to them before.

There was a little piece of pink paper stuffed into the wooden instrument.

'_Wasn't able to stall any longer_,' the note said, '_Can't let evil guy get this. Play Song of Time to get to Sacred Realm and Triforce_.'

Also scribbled down was a series of notes.

"We'd better hurry and get to that Temple of Time place," Yami said, "Yami Malik will be coming back as soon as he realizes Mai and Bakura don't have the Ocarina of Time…"

"Let's go then!" Yuugi exclaimed, heading towards the huge cathedral.

The townspeople were all standing around in little groups, talking about how crazy it was for those two horsecycles to nearly run down everything in their paths. No one noticed Yuugi crossing the Marketplace and entering the deserted grounds of the Temple of Time.

The inside of the cathedral-like Temple was mostly empty. The only things in the room was a small pedestal-type of thing, and the gigantic pair of doors it was sitting in front of.

Thankfully, the directions carved into the pedestal were far more complete than one scribbled little note. There were three little circles where the Spiritual Stones were supposed to be placed - each marked specifically for their specific Spiritual Stone. Yuugi put the Stones in their proper place.

And then it was time to play the Song of Time. The Ocarina of Time was a little big for Yuugi's hands, but the hikari managed as best as he could. When he'd committed the scribbled notes on the paper to memory, Yuugi faced the door and played it.

The song was a little eerie, and what was even more eerie was what happened next.

The three Spiritual Stones stood up on their ends and began spinning, while the giant Triforce symbol on the equally giant stone door glowed brightly. Then the door slid open.

"…Now why aren't any of the locked doors in my soul room as easy to open as that?" Yami wondered to himself.

Perhaps cautioned by this thought of the MANY booby-trapped doors located within the soul room in question, Yuugi headed in through the giant doorway slowly and carefully. However, there were no traps of any sort.

Instead, there was a tall and wide hallway, leading to another room. And sticking out of the platform in the middle of this room was a blue sword.

"Oh, wow!" Yami exclaimed, "Hey, that must be the Master Sword!"

"…You knew there was a sword back here?" Yuugi demanded.

"_Hardly_," Yami retorted, "There's a map on the wall here. See?"

And sure enough, there was a map of the room fastened to the wall, right to the left of the entrance. On it were two dots. Written by the dot in the middle of the room were the words, '_Legendary 'Master Sword'. If you are evil, Do Not Touch._'

Written by the dot at the entrance to the room were the words, '_If you can read this, then You Are Standing/Sitting/Floating/Lying/Etc Right Here-ish-ly._'

Yuugi took a moment to sweat-drop, before walking up to the Master Sword.

"So, do we pull out this sword then?" he wondered.

"…I don't see how it would hurt…unless you dropped it on your foot like a clumsy person would," Yami replied.

"…Yami, remind me to explain the concept of a 'rhetorical' question to you at some point," Yuugi sighed, before going to pull out the Master Sword.

It was a big sword, going almost to Yuugi's head. And it was heavy - and stuck good and tight. It took Yuugi and Yami several hard pulls to get the thing loose.

And when a beam of bright light shot out of the pedestal the sword had been stuck into, they both started to wish they hadn't.

ESPECIALLY when **someone** burst into hysterical laughter right behind them.

"You FOOLS are so EASY!" Yami Malik cried, roaring with laughter, "Thanks for doing my work FOR me!"

Yami Malik strode right past the boy and his guardian spirit/fairy, and into the bright white light. When Yuugi and Yami tried to follow him in, in hopes of stopping whatever evil plan he was going to put into place, they both felt their bodies freeze up, just as they both blacked out.


	27. But we know better!

Yami Tulip-Jin: Hello, welcome to the fic, etc etc etc..._man_ this is a pain in the rear.

Tulip-Jin: (in another room) AUGH! THE PAIN! THE INSIDIOUS PAIN OF IT ALL!

Yami TJ: (smirks) Oh YEAH, I almost forgot about that...aibou's car is temporarily in the shop. So she needs to walk if she wants to go anywhere. Cue the sore feet.

TJ: (in other room) **IF I EVER FIND YOU, CHIBS, I'LL MAKE YOU WISH YOU'D NEVER BEEN HATCHED! **

Yami TJ: And did I mention that Chibs oh-so-kindly cut off cable so that TJ'd _have_ to leave the house in order to not sit around being bored to death?

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Disclaimer: Zelda and Yugioh not owned here

Claimer: The plotline is MINE! MUWAHAHA!

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And for a long time, nothing happened.

Until something did happen, thus ending the time of nothing and ticking off those people who preferred the nothing to any sort of something to no end. But that's a different story.

"…Hello? Hello?" said a voice.

'…Whoever that is,' came a deep and annoyed mental voice, '…Stop talking so loud…'

"…It's time to rise and shine!" the loud voice added.

'Mmm…five more minutes,' muttered another mental voice, similar to the first one.

The non-mental voice's owner sighed, and muttered, "I didn't want it to come to this…" before taking action.

"**OH BOYS! HURRY AND WAKE UP BEFORE YOUR OMELETES GET COLD AND RED-COLORED AGAIN!**" bellowed the voice, directly into it's listener's ears.

"_NO GRANDPA! NOT THE STOVE!_" both half-asleep voices screamed automatically in response, before they finally woke up.

"…What the?" Yami blinked, being the first to regain his senses.

Okay, the last place had been…inside the back room of Temple of Time, where they'd pulled the big sword and…let their enemy walk right into the place they were supposed to NOT let said enemy get to…

"…What time is it?" Yuugi groaned, his head feeling all buzzing and headache-filled.

When the two of them turned to look at one another, there was another minute of silence as they contemplated the situation. Then they jumped back with cries of shock.

Things had gotten a little…_different_…with their situation.

Specifically, Yami was no longer a little red fairy, and Yuugi was no longer a pointy-eared little midget with a green hat.

Now _Yuugi_ was the little fairy - purple in color - and _Yami_ was a pointy-eared slightly-taller-midget with a green hat.

"AUGH! I've been downsized!" Yuugi yelped in dismay.

"I HAVE HANDS!" Yami crowed, a little overly enthused with this turn of events.

_Too_ enthused for Yuugi's liking, if the sudden head-bopping was any indication.

"Now, now! Calm down, boys! You've got a bit of a situation you need to deal with right now anyway…" laughed the voice that had woken them up.

And that voice was the voice of Yuugi's/sort of Yami's Grandpa.

"Grandpa!" Yuugi said happily.

"Um…hi," Yami said, still not having quite gotten the hang of the 'Grandpa of my Aibou is my Grandpa' thing yet.

"…Uh…where are we?" he asked next.

The place they were at was the weirdest place the two adventurers had seen yet. The room stretched out so far that they couldn't see the walls, the ceiling…OR the floor. The three of them were standing on a pillar in the middle of the room, and from the middle of the pillar was flowing water, which poured endlessly into the depths of the room.

None of them were getting wet, though, since they were each standing on a little platform of their own. Grandpa's was one of a ring of six, and Yami's/Yuugi's was inside the ring.

"Welcome to the Temple of Light, boys," Grandpa grinned, "And, as it turns out, I am the Sage of Light!"

"Temple of Light? Are you sure this isn't the temple of bottom-less chasms?" Yami remarked.

"I'll admit the design is a little much," Grandpa replied, "But its only possible because we're inside the Sacred Realm."

"Well, that's good!" Yuugi piped up, "We needed to go to the Sacred Realm to get the…what's wrong, Grandpa?"

"If you're looking for the Triforce, this Realm is the wrong place," Grandpa signed, "That Evil Malik fellow grabbed it already, and has been using its powers to rule Hyrule with an iron fist for the last seven years."

"Wait…did you say 'seven' '**years**'?" Yami said.

"…And that's how long you two have been trapped in here as well," Grandpa added.

"WHOA! Not good," Yuugi yelped.

"Great…now we need to get the Triforce away from Yami Malik," Yami sighed, "_That'll_ be fun…"

"Luckily for all of us, I know how to help," Grandpa smiled.

"How Grandpa?"

"As I said, I'm the Sage of Light. That means I can use my Sage-powers to help you defeat the Pharaoh of Evil." 

"**Hey!**"

"Not _you_ Yami," Yuugi sighed, "But even so, I get this feeling that we're going to need more help."

"Correct!" replied Grandpa, "Of the Sages, I'm the only one who's powers have apparently awakened. You need to go out and find the other five, if you want to stand a chance."

"Standing a chance sounds nice," Yami stated dryly.

"So Grandpa," Yuugi said, "When do we get started?"

"Right now," Grandpa laughed, clapping his hands together, "See you later, boys!"

And before either of them could protest, they were both caught up in a beam of light and sucked away.


	28. Zoinks!

Sign: Here is fic. Review or...something else will happen. Don't know what yet - am lazy.

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Disclaimer: Usual stuff, blah blah...

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"What a trip," Yuugi groaned as they fell out of the beam of light, "Do we have to do that again anytime soon?"

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"I hope not, but probably," Yami replied, shifting the weight of their fighting equipment around to a more comfortable position.

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Along with Yami's being taller, several objects they had been holding seemed to have vanished. Yuugi's Kokiri Sword and Deku Shield had mysteriously gone missing, and Yami was wearing the mysteriously-less-ultra-heavy metal shield and the Master Sword strapped in their places - the sword was calmly sitting inside a weird scabbard that had appeared out of nowhere…mysteriously.

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"So, what do we do now?" Yami continued, looking around the mysterious and annoying little room in the back of the Temple of Time that they had mysteriously returned to.

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"We have to find those other Sages," Yuugi said, and blinked, "But where are we supposed to look?"

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"…It would be nice to get a HINT or something now and then," Yami agreed, growling at the ceiling, which was shrouded in mysterious shadows.

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"Who're you talking to, Yami?"

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"…Never mind, Aibou," Yami sighed, "Let's start with getting out of here."

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They started walking to the doorway - well, Yami walked, and Yuugi fluttered around a bit, trying out his new wings - and were almost at the door when they heard the noise of someone clearing their throat.

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"Excuse you, hikari," Yami said.

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"Ah-hem…"

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"Huh? I thought that was you," Yuugi said.

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"Ahem ahem…"

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"Well, I don't see anyone else here," Yami retorted, "So it either came from you or it came from me, and it didn't come from ME…"

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"AH-hem."

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"Well, if I'm _me_ and you're the _other_ me," Yuugi shot back, "That means it didn't come from me either!"

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"But who else is there?"

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"You could try turning around," said the mysterious person who had been making all the 'ahem' noises.

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Hikari and Yami looked at each other, blinked, and slowly turned to look at the pedestal where they had just been standing.

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And standing where they had just been standing was a tall, mysterious figure. In fact, it also looked exactly like…

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"YAY!" Yuugi cried, "It's SANTA!"

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The mysterious figure face-faulted.

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"Aibou, what the hell is 'Santa'?" Yami demanded.

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"You know, Santa Claus! He spies on kids to see if they've been bad or good," Yuugi explained, "And he gives out presents."

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"Wait, I _remember_…" Yami said, looking alarmed, "He's that old fat pervert pedophile who spies on kids that you told me about last winter!"

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"…I am NOT Santa Claus," pointed out the mysterious figure.

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"Oh really? I was looking forward to sending you to the bottomless depths of torment in the Shadow Realm," Yami said, looking very disappointed, "…Can I send you there anyway?"

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"…No."

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"But if you're not Santa," Yuugi said, "Then who are you supposed to be?"

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"I am -" began the mysterious person.

"And for another matter, why are you suddenly so fixated on that weird kid's stuff anyway?" Yami interrupted, turning to scold his other half, "Are you getting high off your own fairy dust or something?"

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"You're just jealous," Yuugi replied.

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"Of **what?**" Yami demanded.

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"DO YOU MIND!" screamed the mysteriously-ticked-off mysterious person.

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"What now?" Yami groaned, "Can't you see we're busy here?"

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"Not as busy as you should be," grumbled the mysterious person, "I am here to tell you where the Sages are."

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"Really?" Yuugi said, "Why didn't you say that earlier? We were just wondering where we were supposed to go next!"

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"Yeah, what took you so long to speak up?" Yami added.

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The mysterious person face-faulted again.

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When the mysterious person FINALLY had our heroes' full attention - after another hour or so - they said, "You must find the five sages, who are trapped in their temples. One is in the woods, one is on top of a mountain, one is under a lake, one is filled with some dead people, and one is out in the sand. Only then, with the support of all six Sages, shall you be able to take down the Pharaoh of Evil."

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"**HEY!**"

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"Not YOU, Yami!" Yuugi snapped.

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"Wait! There's one more thing!" the mysterious person said when Yami and Yuugi were about to argue their way out.

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"You can't get into any of the Temples without the secret treasures in Kakariko Village!"

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"I don't know why," Yuugi said to Yami as they continued walking outwards without looking back, "But I think we need to visit Kakariko Village."

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"I guess we might as well," Yami shrugged.

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Leaving the mysterious person behind to groan about how unfair his mysterious job was…mysteriously.


	29. Showdown at the Old Lon Lon Ranch

Tulip-Jin: Whoops, this should have been up days ago...

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Yami Tulip-Jin: Why bother? Its not like anyone likes this fic anyway.

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TJ: (eye twitches) Oh yeah? Name one person who doesn't like it!

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Yami TJ: Well, for starters, there's me.

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TJ: (grins fiendishly) But **I** like it, and since you're supposed to be another version of me this go-around, that means _you_ really DO like it!

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Yami TJ: (thinks this over) ...Ra-Damn-It! Guess there's only one thing to do... (wanders off)

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TJ: ...Yep, really don't like the sound of that...

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Disclaimer: Yugioh and Zelda not owned by anyone here

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Seven years did not do good things for Hyrule Castle Town Market. It was empty and all the buildings were crumbling.

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And the **very** many evil zombie creatures living in it didn't help matters much.

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Yami hacked all the ones he had to go near in half and ran like the wind on his scrawny little legs. It became leg when the upper halves of one of the screaming zombies managed to paralyze it.

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Because this put him off balance, Yami fell into the moat on his way out…but mostly the reason he fell into the moat was because that the bridge was broken and he was mostly looking behind them in case the zombies were following.

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"I think I just found a reason to enjoy being a fairy," Yami groaned, dragging his soggy self out of the water.

"Me too," Yuugi said, feeling just a _little_ smug about being both high and dry.

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"Well, I refuse to wander around the field being attacked by ugly bags of bones like you did," Yami snapped.

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"Too bad," Yuugi replied, "It's a couple of day's walk to Kakariko from here."

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"_Ah_, but you have shown me that its less than a day's hysterical screaming run to get to Pegasus's ranch from here," Yami reminded his other half.

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Before Yuugi could retaliate in some truly devastating fashion, Yami was wind sprinting towards Lon Lon Ranch. Being in better shape than his counterpart (see: taller), Yami got there way faster.

While waiting for Yuugi to catch up - you could see him if you squinted, like a little purple dot heading this way - Yami checked out the sign right in front of the entrance. Weird, it was different now…

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At the time of their last visit, seven years (apparently) ago, it said, '_Lon Lon Ranch! We're great! How'ya doing?_'

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Now it said, '_Keith's Ranch. Mess with me and get trapped in a cave for the rest of your life. Pegasus sucks eggs!_'

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"How warm and inviting," Yami muttered sarcastically as he waited for Yuugi.

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An hour later, after Yuugi FINALLY got there, they headed in to find the ranch looking almost the same as normal. Except there was no sign of Pegasus - all the chickens were outside instead of inside - Shizuka was hiding inside the barn, and Bandit Keith was standing around the horse corral like he owned the place.

Which he apparently did now.

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"Yeah, that 'King Marik' guy's a nutso-freak," Bandit Keith was proud to explain, "But at least he ain't some prissy little coward like that jerk Pegasus! Now this ranch is in the hands of its **rightful** owner!"

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"I doubt _that_," Yami retorted.

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Keith was minus his overalls and pitchfork, but he still managed to lean in menacingly as he growled, "Is that right? You think I don't deserve to run this ranch, huh twerp?"

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"That's exactly right," Yami said, "In fact, Keith, I challenge you to a duel! And if I win, you'll return this ranch to its rightful owner!"

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"HAH!" Keith laughed, "I'll take you on, twerp! But not in a duel. Let's see how you handle a real, old-fashioned race! We'll each pick one of those horse-bikes and whoever finishes first is the winner!"

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"All right," Yami agreed.

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"And when I beat you," Keith grinned, "I get to do anything I want to your scrawny little ass! Like…run you over a couple of times, hah! Still want to give it a shot, twerp?"

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"Unlike _some_ people, I don't turn back from challenges like a _coward_," Yami shot back, earning a nasty look from Keith.

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"This isn't a really good idea, you know," Yuugi buzzed as Yami entered the horse cycle-filled corral, getting to choose his ride first.

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"In fact, it's a really BAD idea. Why do you keep doing this? You don't need to accept EVERY challenge for ANYTHING that comes your way…"

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"Whenever you're done complaining, help me figure out which one I should use," Yami sighed.

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The horsecycles, for the most part, were nearly identical. They puttered around the corral and sniffed at their visitor's hair calmly - and slowly, which was probably a bad sign.

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"These are all the useless ones," Yami griped, "That cheater…"

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"Wait!" Yuugi yelped, "What about that red one, over there? It looks kinda familiar…"

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That it should, since it was the horsecycle named Epona that Shizuka had introduced Yuugi to, oh so very long ago. But instead of being a scooter with a foal's head, the mare - assuming it was actually female - was now a full-fledged rose-red motorcycle with a horse's head.

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And she rolled away from them faster than any of the others, too.

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"How am I supposed to ride her if she won't come anywhere near me?" Yami groaned as this happened ten more times.

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"…I remember!" exclaimed Yuugi, "Play that song on the Ocarina! You remember, the one Shizuka taught me?"

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"I remember," Yami said, pulling out the Ocarina of Time - as the other Ocarina was one of the things that had vanished…mysteriously - and played the song from memory.

Epona rolled right up with a happy whinny.

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Yami spent five minutes figuring out how to actually drive the horsecycle, before taking Epona out of the corral and over to where Keith was standing.

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"Your turn," Yami said, but the annoying blond just laughed.

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"I got MY ride right over here," he said, pointing to the perfectly conditioned horsecycle standing right beside him.


	30. And Guess Who Wins!

Tulip-Jin: (somewhere in distance) **FREEEEDDDDOOOOOOOMMMMM!**

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Yami Tulip-Jin: (blinks) ...Oh, great, what the HECK is she screaming about now?

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Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rawwwr rawr, rawr rawr rawr rawr, rawrrr rawwwr...raaawwr... (If you must know, I caught her watching Braveheart the other day, and now...well...)

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Yami TJ: ...And it would be the end of the school year, wouldn't it...**DAMMIT AIBOU! GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT MAN-SKIRT! DON'T ACT LIKE YOU CAN'T SEE ME SCREAMING OVER HERE!**

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Chibi Red Eyes: (sighs) Rawr rawr raaaaawwwr rawwr... (I never should have come back from vacation...)

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Disclaimer: Yugioh and Zelda not owned here 

Claimer: Is this my idea? My plot? Oh WOW, I had no IDEA! (she typed sarcastically)

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"Get ready to lose, twerp!" Keith crowed, gunning his horsecycle's engine.

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Yuugi had wisely opted out of participating and was currently perched on the corral wall, right at the start/finish line. He REALLY didn't think this was such a good idea…especially for himself, since he was rather smallish and squish-able now…

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Yami ignored Keith and focused on doing what he did the best: namely, being the best. The object of the race was to go around the corral track once, and whoever got back to the start/finish line first would be the winner.

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"Okay, we'll start on three, twerp," Keith grinned, "Ready?"

"You just worry about keeping up," Yami snapped, Epona snorting in agreement.

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"That's really funny," Keith laughed, "All right, on three. _One…Two_-**THREE!**"

And Keith gunned his engine and roared off. Yami cursed under his breath and headed right after him. Leaving Yuugi-the-fairy coughing in a cloud of dust.

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When the dust settled, the hikari took to the air, in order to get a better view of the race.

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Thanks to his little stunt, Keith was in the lead.

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But Epona was apparently faster than Keith's pre-chosen horsecycle, because Yami caught up by the end of the first turn.

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And naturally, Bandit Keith was doing everything he could to avoid being defeated - the horsecycles whinnied shrilly as Keith veered sharply into Yami, who had to slow down in order to protect himself.

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"You can do it, Yami!" Yuugi cheered, even though no one would be able to hear him over the sound of the engines.

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Down the far side of the corral the two raced, and every time Yami pressed for the lead, Keith would swing his ride into the other's path, forcing the spirit back. It wasn't technically cheating, but it was still playing dirty. So naturally, right before the end of the race, Yami managed to turn Keith's own trick against him.

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Yami attempted to pass Keith on the outside during the last turn…and when the American veered and slowed to stop him, Yami nimbly veered Epona to Keith's other side and surged ahead.

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The line was close, too close, and though Keith pushed his horsecycle to its maximum speed, Epona was already going far faster, and Yami won by a full length.

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"Yami! Where did you learn to _drive_ like that?" Yuugi demanded of his other half after the other slowed to a stop and Yuugi could zip over and congratulate him.

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"…Well, you remember Honda, right?" Yami admitted, a little embarrassed.

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"Of course I do," Yuugi blinked.

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"So, do you also remember the time his motorcycle…'mysteriously' ended up in the backyard?"

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"Uh-huh…wait a second. That means you're the one who stole Honda's bike!" Yuugi gasped, "And you taught yourself how to drive it? You could have killed yourself doing that, you unbelievable **idiot!**" 

"_Hardly_ - I am already dead, you know," Yami replied, not exactly thrilled with Yuugi's response.

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It was about at that point the two of them remembered Bandit Keith, and wondered where he had gone to. Well, Keith hadn't gone too far - only to the spot on the barn wall where his trusty pitchfork had been hung up. And now Keith was zooming at them at full speed, pitchfork at the ready -

"You little twerp! NO one makes a fool outta Bandit Keith!" Keith yelled.

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Yuugi yelped and Yami - thankfully still on Epona - had the sense of mind to get moving and out of the way of that pointy pitchfork.

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Keith and his pitchfork chased Yami and Yuugi around the corral twice…until Epona's speed allowed Yami to get close to the other from behind and scare his horsecycle into screeching to a halt and dumping its rider.

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"Why I oughta -" Keith growled, jumping up and running at the two, pitchfork still at the ready.

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Yami waited, and waited, and then he waited some more, until Keith was almost close enough to strike - and then Yami proceeded to Mind Crush Bandit Keith.

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Keith fell to the ground face-first, twitching, pitchfork still in hand.

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"…Was that _really_ necessary?" Yuugi wondered.

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"Oh come _on_," Yami sighed, "It's hardly anything more than a full frontal soul lobotomy, aibou. Stop being so squeamish!"

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It took Yuugi another five minutes finish bonking Yami painfully on the head before he went to coax Shizuka out from her hiding place. Upon learning of the events outside, she cheerfully thanked the ranch's saviors and asked if they had a chance, could they pretty please stop by Kakariko Village, because that's where Pegasus had decided to stay with Bandit Keith on the rampage.

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As a special thank-you gift, Shizuka offered them the use of their own personal horsecycle. Of course, Yuugi and Yami both agreed on Epona, who seemed quite taken with her new little weirdo masters.


	31. Here we go again

Yami Tulip-Jin: (stares at reviews) Oh no. You _didn't._

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Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rawrrr? ...Rawr rawr... (What is it? ...Hoo boy...)

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Yami TJ: (eye twitches) You DIDN'T!

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Chibi Red Eyes: Rawwwrrr **rawr** rawr rawrrr rawwwrrr... (So **that's** why TJ went for her utility closet...)

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Yami TJ: I'm doomed. DOOMED! AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?

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(Nearby closet which is labeled 'TJ's Utility Closet of Doom - do not feed the animals' bursts open with confetti and fireworks)

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Tulip-Jin: _**BOO**-YAH! ONE-ZERO-ZERO! HUNDREDTH-REVIEW PARTY TIME!_

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Yami TJ: RUN! FLEE FOR YOUR AFTERLIVES! SHE'S GOT **PIXIE STICKS!**

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(Nearby audience runs away screaming - as does Yami TJ. Chibi Red Eyes sensibly flies away instead)

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TJ: (blinks) Where'd everybody go?

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Disclaimer: Yugioh/Zelda not owned here

Claimer: The plot...its _ours_. _OURS!_

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After wasting a night or three running over stuff with Epona, Yami and Yuugi headed for Kakariko Village. Unlike their previous arrivals in Kakariko, it was daytime, and there were people to avoid running over with their brand spanking new horsecycle.

Not to mention all the unfinished buildings had been completed over the last seven years. Of Honda, Duke, and the other carpenters, there was no sign.

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But by the big tree, Lumos and Umbra were standing around arguing. The only thing different about them were the goatees and mustaches sticking out from underneath their masks.

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"Hey, its that Yuugi kid!" Lumos blinked as Yami pulled up close on Epona.

"Nice ride you got there, kid," Umbra added, "But there's laws on taking those things through town, you know."

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"…Okay," Yami blinked, not any more sure how to deal with 'Friendly non-evil Lumos &Umbra' than Yuugi had ever been.

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"Hey, your timing's great," Lumos suddenly added, "You HAVE to hear about the latest stupid thing Umbra did!"

"Will you EVER shut up about that!" Umbra yelled at Lumos.

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"This idiot went into the graveyard, by himself, at NIGHT," Lumos explained to their baffled audience, "And the ghosts chased him out! He was screaming like a little girl!"

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"How many times do I have to tell you!" Umbra snapped, "I was looking for the grave-keeper's secret treasure! Since he's not there, its available to whoever can find it…"

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Lumos just laughed. Yami and Yuugi, completely unnoticed by this point, moved away and parked Epona by the gate. Since there was plenty of grass, she didn't mind being left on her own as they went to explore the expanded village.

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This was apparently where all the people who used to live in Hyrule Castle Town had gone to. It took asking a few people, but they found Pegasus inside one of the older buildings, fast asleep. 

Borrowing a chicken from a nearby pen, they swiftly woke him up. Pegasus was utterly delighted to see them again, commented on the growing and shrinking they had done over the last seven years - Yuugi grumbled something under his breath at this - and took off for his ranch at a dead run.

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Except for that, there seemed to be nothing of interest to do in Kakariko Village. But before they left, Yami pointed out that they might as well check up on Bones. Umbra and Lumos had seemed to think Bones was long gone, but Yuugi agreed that they had to make certain…as long as it was still light out, of course. Bones in the graveyard at night was **scary**.

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Kakariko Graveyard hadn't changed much over the last seven years. In fact, the only really obvious change was the sign right at the entrance, which both of our heroes passed at first without a glance. It was only after they were both tired from poking around fruitlessly for signs of Bones that they even bothered to check it.

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It said: '**_Welcome to the Kakariko Graveyard. Please enjoy your stay and/or visit to our historic burial area. Also, please note that all Heart-Pounding Bone-Chilling Graveyard Tours are canceled pending both the employment of a new mortician/manager and the removal of the previous mortician/manager from the premises. Do not feed or provoke the previous mortician/manager._**'

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"…Well, that makes very little sense," Yuugi said.

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Poking around in the hut where Bones had lived in for clues revealed what appeared to be some sort of business log/diary. Bones had mostly written very short little notes.

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'_Day One - Arrived in graveyard. Am very happy. Will run tours, should become fantastically rich really quick._'

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'_Day three - Only one customer. Good thing he's famous. Have mentioned him on sign, hope that will attract more people._'

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'_Day twenty-seven - no customers. Am wondering if graveyard tours are not good idea after all._'

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'_Day one-hundred-thirty-two - Ghosts not scared away by me any more. Am learning to communicate with them. Being famous ghost researcher should be better move than being famous graveyard tour guide._'

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'_…Last entry ever: The spirits of the graveyard have accepted me as one of their own, and now I am going to live with them. If you're reading this, poking around for my secret treasure, then nuts to you! I've already taken it to the crypts where the ghosts are allowing me to stay._'

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"…Does this mean Bones is dead?" Yuugi asked, not sure what to make of the situation.

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"Whoever put up that sign outside seems to think he's still alive and kicking," Yami mentioned, "Even if he is crazy now, we'll probably need whatever treasure he's got with him…"

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With more of an idea of what they were looking for, Yami and Yuugi searched the graveyard again. This time they found something interesting. They hadn't really noticed before, but there was a tombstone sitting off to the side that hadn't been there seven years ago…and it had a lever exactly like the one up at the entrance to the Royal Family's personal crypt.

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Underneath the tombstone was a hole in the ground and a ladder. It would have been a pretty tight fit for anyone but a little kid, but luckily Yami was anorexic enough to fit.

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This one went a lot deeper than the hole Yuugi had climbed down during their last visit. The daylight from above didn't even reach the bottom…and soon there was a sinister giggling noise that suggested that even that much light was about to be going bye-bye.

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Yuugi zipped up to check it out, and found two weird, puffy-looking ghosts laughing and shoving the tombstone back into place. Before Yuugi could say anything to stop them, they had sealed the hole back over. The hikari/fairy was only barely able to get in and back to his other half before the stone was slid into place.

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"Uh…" Yuugi said, hovering over Yami's head, "…Well, I sure hope you're not claustrophobic, Yami."

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"Wonderfully encouraging, aibou," Yami sighed.

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No shoving from below would move the tombstone, so they opted to forge ahead. At least Yuugi gave off enough light for them to see by.

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At the bottom of the ladder, the hole widened considerably, and headed off as a tunnel. The first part was all dirt, but after the first corner the tunnel changed to one of stone.

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"Such a vacation spot…the scenic Kakariko crypts," Yuugi muttered sarcastically to himself.

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The crypts themselves were like an enormous maze, branching off in random directions and sometimes meeting up again, but other times leading to dead ends.

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And speaking of dead things, the puffy-looking ghosts from above had apparently taken an interest in the people they had sealed underground, because they kept appearing and laughing and vanishing and reappearing and also laughed some more and generally were getting on Yami and Yuugi's nerves.

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"This is one of those times I wish I had been sealed into the Millennium Ring instead of the Millennium Puzzle," Yami grumbled, staring at the five-way intersection they had just arrived at.

"You mean aside from the whole 'Spirit of the Ring kept his memories and keeps teasing you because you didn't' thing?" Yuugi asked.

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"…That's not important right now, aibou," Yami replied, "If only there was some way of telling which way to go…"

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The puffy ghosts appeared in the middle of the intersection, apparently curious that their weird visitors had stopped moving. The one on the left tugged on his little pointy mustache and the one on the right stroked his little pointy beard in idle boredom.

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"…This will probably sound crazy," Yuugi suddenly piped up, "But why don't we ask these ghosts for directions? If they live down here - well, maybe not LIVE down here, but anyway! Won't they know their way around?"

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The ghosts blinked as the two they had been harassing stepped up to talk to them.

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"Can you help us figure out where we are?" Yuugi asked the ghosts.

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The puffy ghosts looked utterly delighted to do so, and did so - pointing directly at the spot where Yami's feet were. Yuugi sweat-dropped.

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"No, what I mean is, do you know the way aboveground?"

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Gleefully, the ghosts pointed straight up. Yami sweat-dropped.

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"No, that's not what I meant either," Yuugi sighed, "Do you know where we can find Bones?"

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Getting excited now - they were winning! - the ghosts started pointing wildly in every direction, thus indicating where all the bones they knew of could be found.

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"Yuugi, may I?" Yami asked his frustrated partner.

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"Be my guest," Yuugi muttered.

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"All right then," Yami said, addressing the puffy ghosts, "Show us a not-dead person currently inside of this crypt."

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Immediately they pointed towards Yuugi. Without batting an eye, Yami added, "_Besides_ that one."

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Waving their little lanterns to show that the two should follow them, the ghosts turned and flew down one of the tunnels, Yami and Yuugi hot on their heels.


	32. Nobody knows the weirdos I've seen

Yami Tulip-Jin: Wow, this is a surprise. I'm introducing you sorry lot of mortals to a new chapter of my aibou's bloody stupid fic.

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Tulip-Jin: (suddenly pops up) You know, Yami, I've had it up to here with this attitude of yours... plus what's with all the Brit slang you keep using?

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Yami TJ: You gotta be kiddin' me...okay, I'll tell you AGAIN...for the tenth time...originally, the Millennium Mace came from Egypt. Then it was stolen by the Greeks (buncha pansies) who were conquered by the Romans (not much better) who shipped it to England (THAT part took a thousand years by itself) where it ended up becoming part of the regularly used equipment in the Tower of London for a while. Got it yet, Yank?

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TJ: (eyes her yami nervously and takes a few steps away) Uh, yup. Got it!

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Yami TJ: (rolls eyes) Great. Whatever. Here's the fic.

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Disclaimer: Zelda and/or Yugioh not owned here

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The puffy ghosts of the Kakariko Graveyard lead our heroes up and down and thither and yon through the maze-like crypts until they reached a room at one end. As soon as Yami and Yuugi entered the room, the room's huge stone door slid shut and the ghosts vanished with a burst of maniacal laughter.

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"Oh no! Now we're stuck here!" Yuugi yelped.

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"_WHO DARES ENTER MY DOMAIN OF EVIL?_" boomed a huge voice.

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In an unnecessary display of pyrotechnics, a giant floating skull appeared. Yuugi screamed in terror and shoved his way into Yami's pointed hat to hide. The fiery skull laughed, shaking the room with its volume.

Rolling his eyes, Yami removed his terrified hikari from his hat and proceeded towards a corner of the room which had been sectioned off with a curtain.

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"_TRESSPASSERS BEWARE! FOR I SHALL DEVOUR YOUR SOULS!_" boomed the huge voice of the floating skull.

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Yami yanked back the curtain…and there was Bones. He was sitting, working some sort of device. Blinking up at them, the zombie-loving Duelist nearly jumped out of his seat, before reaching for a handle and spinning it, while leaning in towards a primitive-looking microphone.

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"_AND PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE LITTLE GUY BEHIND THE CURTAIN!_" the giant skull said, as Bones worked his weird machine.

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"…Give it _up_ already," Yami sighed, "You know you're not fooling anyone."

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"Can't blame a guy for trying, can you?" Bones admitted, grinning, "Hey, Yuugi, did you get taller over the last seven years or what?"

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Yuugi gritted his teeth.

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"Bones, what are you doing living down here anyway?" Yami quickly asked, trying to avoid his aibou's wrath.

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"Read my journal, did ya?" Bones grinned, "I've become one with the dead! Soon, I shall emerge and rule over the pathetic losers aboveground! MUWAHAHAHAHA!"

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"…You _do_ know there's a crazy psychopath you'll need to get rid of if you want that to happen, right?" Yuugi dared to ask.

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"Him? Yeah, Flat and Sharp told me about **him**," Bones said with a shrug, "But I've decided to bide my time and wait for some idiot 'Save-the-day' hero to get rid of him, and then…I shall EMERGE!"

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The puffy ghosts reappeared behind them and laughed, as if on cue.

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"So, Yuugi, know any suckers willing to take the job?" Bones continued conversationally, apparently completely oblivious to how likely his sudden and painful trip to the Shadow Realm was about to be.

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Yuugi nudged his partner before Yami could do something rash and/or permanent damaging to the unsuspecting zombie duelist. This was a time for subtlety.

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"_Actually_," Yuugi said to Bones, "There's this guy who was passing through Kakariko earlier. He was going on and on about how he was going to defeat the Pharaoh of Evil -"

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"Hey!" Yami yelped.

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"Not **you** Yami," Yuugi sighed, "Anyway, he was going to take him out once and for all…but he needed some kind of treasure or something. But since he couldn't find it in Kakariko, he said he was going to give up and go home. And no one else wants the job…"

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"Oh, _damn!_ I bet I know what he was looking for!" Bones yelped, "This cool weapon-thing I found in one of the graves…hey, Yuugi, I bet you can do me - I mean, do **us** a favor…"

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"Us?" Yuugi repeated.

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"Sure! You can give the weapon to this guy, and when he takes out the psychopath, you come back and let me know that its time to take over the country! And when the new Empire of the Dead is in place, you can be one of the guys in charge - second-in-command, right under yours truly! Sounds interesting, doesn't it?"

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"Second under you?" Yami mentioned, "I don't see any argument against that. We'll need the weapon immediately…"

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"Of course!" Bones grinning, fishing out a box from underneath the control panel of his weird machine.

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Inside the box was a weird-looking thing. It was metal, and looked like an arrowhead with a round handle.

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"Its called a Hookshot," Bones smirked, "You shoot the pointed end at something - its connected with a chain - and it can drag stuff back to you! Once I even lifted myself into the air with this baby! You tell that heroic idiot to take good care of it, you got that Yuugi?"

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"…Sure," Yami said, taking the Hookshot and eyeing Bones with increasing dislike.

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"Take the secret shortcut back to Kakariko," Bones added, pointing to a concealed exit on the other side of the room, "And don't forget the plan!"

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"We won't," Yami said, and headed to the exit without further delay.

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"…We're really going to help Bones conquer Hyrule?" Yuugi asked his other half once they were out of earshot down the tunnel.

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"Did we actually promise Bones we would?" Yami replied.

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"…Such a deceitful, sneaky Yami I have," Yuugi sighed.

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The tunnel was surprisingly short. At the end, there was a tall, steep staircase, and it opened up to reveal the latest in a series of unusual sights. Yuugi and Yami were now standing on a ledge, high up, inside of the Kakariko windmill. The main shaft was spinning in front of them, and off to the side…came the vaguely familiar sound of jazzy dance music.

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"…What the heck is a DDR machine doing in Hyrule?" Yuugi blinked.

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"The windmill must power it…oh, **great**," Yami groaned, "I don't know about you, Aibou, but I'd rather _not_ stay to chat with that person again."

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And so the pair climbed down from the ledge and made for the exit…sneaking very carefully to avoid being seen by the spider-headed man practicing on the Dance-Dance Revolution machine. One day of Johnny Steps was more than enough for _this_ five-thousand year old spirit and his partner.

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But now that they had their new Hookshot, Yami and Yuugi headed for the gate of Kakariko Village. It was time to stop fooling around and go to the Temples and rescue the sages and then go defeat Yami Malik to save the - yeah, yeah, you get the idea.


	33. Hookshot is a funny word

Yami Tulip-Jin: Wow, here's a surprise - _coughnotcough_ - almost no one reviewed this stupid story.

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Tulip-Jin: Stupid Yami, you can't count. I have three reviews right here! (points to reviews)

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Yami TJ: You waited an extra week for three old and moldy reviews?

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TJ: I was BORED! What was I supposed to do, work or something? Yeesh Yami, you and your funny ideas...

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Yami TJ: (rolls eyes) Why do I even bother?

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Disclaimer: Yugioh and Zelda not owned here

Claimer: We thought up the concept! We knew we could do it! We have the technology!

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"It's quiet," Yuugi said as Yami slowly drove Epona through the trees.

"Yes aibou," Yami muttered, trying to focus on driving.

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"Too quiet," Yuugi added.

"Yes aibou," Yami muttered again.

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"We'll need to be on our guard, then," Yuugi continued.

"Yes aibou," muttered Yami.

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Yuugi blinked and stared at his darkness carefully.

"And we should watch out for those flying pigs over there too," Yuugi said.

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"You might want to get those eyes of yours checked out," Yami said without looking up, smirking just a _little_ bit at his aibou's flustering.

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"I almost had you that time too," Yuugi sighed.

"Whatever you say, hikari," Yami replied.

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Whatever extra nonsense this conversation might have generated was cut off by a combination of two things. One, Epona ground to a halt and point-blank refused to go past the last tree and into the Kokiri's village in the woods.

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Grumbling under his breath at the horsecycle's behavior, Yami lead the way past the tree and into the clearing…straight into the jaws of Reason Number Two: a huge monster plant that immediately tried to rip his head off.

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"WHOA!" Yuugi yelped, zipping up to avoid being crunched.

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"That's - dammit! - that's not supposed to be there," Yami exclaimed, scrambling to avoid the monster nibbling on his heels.

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Neither was the little bushy thing just up the path, who spat a very hard nut at the distracted Yami. It scored a bull's-eye on Yami's forehead.

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"…Lookit the shiny puzzles…," he mumbled dizzily, sprawled on the ground.

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"Pull yourself together!" Yuugi yelled from a safe altitude, "The whole village is full of these crazy monsters!"

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Much running, dodging, and several more concussions later, Yami and Yuugi were safely up on top of the hill overlooking the Kokiri Village, which (as some of you might have determined) was full of monsters instead of Kokiri. Since the only lead they had on dealing with the infestation was to find the Sage hidden in the woods, and the Lost Woods were right behind them, Yami and Yuugi headed into the trees.

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Seven years in the future, the Lost Woods were just as weird, twisty, and confusing as ever. Wisely, Yami decided to lead the way right from the start. It wasn't long before they reached the next obstacle in their path.

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"Mokuba?" Yuugi blinked.

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Mokuba blinked right back, and grinned sheepishly.

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"Hi guys!" Mokuba greeted them, "Long time no see, huh? Where've you been, anyway?"

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"Nowhere special," Yuugi shrugged, "Volcano, time-space inversion…hey, where's your older brother, Mokuba?"

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"To be honest, I'm not really sure," Mokuba said, "I think he might have gotten lost…but Seto can take care of himself, so I'm not too worried…and judging from all those bruises, you've been through the village recently."

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"You think?" Yami muttered, rubbing his aching head.

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"All those monsters appeared kinda recently," Mokuba said, "I think they're coming from some kind of temple or something that's near the big Meadow. Are you guys going to go check it out?"

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"Yep," Yuugi said, "Want to come along, Mokuba?"

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"Well, I would've checked it out already myself…" Mokuba began, "But…_well_…on the way there I ran into Rebecca…"

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Yuugi and Yami winced.

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"Yeah, tell me about it," Mokuba agreed with a shudder, "She ordered me to stay right here until she comes back…except that she hasn't come back. But its okay, since the monsters are only in the village and never come here."

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"Maybe the source of the monsters ate her and died of indigestion," Yami suggested.

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Yuugi reluctantly crushed Yami's hopeful optimism with logic. Since the monsters were still there, the source of the monsters still had to be destroyed. It still might have eaten Rebecca, though, so Yami wasn't too depressed when they continued onwards to the Sacred Forest Meadow.

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There was no sign of wolves in the meadow, which seemed ominous. Equally ominous was the sound of very heavy feet stomping around in the maze of hedges leading to the Sacred Forest Meadow proper.

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The source of the stomping footsteps were the incredibly huge dog-faced monsters stomping around amongst the hedges. As soon as Yami rounded the first corner, the nearest one spotted him, lowered its equally huge spear to point straight at him, and charged.

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However, the monster didn't have very good vision, probably from being stuck in the dim reaches of the forest for so long, and when Yami tripped over his own feet trying to flee to safety the monster's spear missed.

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And when the monster yanked its spear out of the ground again, the weapon acted like a giant shovel and Yami was immediately flung onto the top of the nearest hedge. This was above the monster's line-of-sight, and when it couldn't spot Yami again the not-very-smart monster decided no one was there anymore, assuming it remembered anyone had ever been there in the first place, and continued on its merry, stomping way.

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"Are you okay Yami?" Yuugi asked, nudging his polexed dark side gently.

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Yami's response was slightly muffled from the hedge, since he had landed on it face-first.

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"Next chance we get, we're switching back."

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Yuugi laughed.

"You wish."

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Angered now, Yami scrambled to his feet and stood shakily on top of the hedge, which was more than thick enough to support his weight. Spotting the monster that had tried to stick him with its spear walking by again, Yami reached into one of their many pockets and pulled out the first thing his hands found, which turned out to be their new Hookshot.

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"Yami, what are you doing?" Yuugi asked, flitting nervously out of his Yami's line-of-fire.

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Yami aimed the Hookshot at the monster and pressed its trigger. The metal arrowhead part shot out, connected to handle by a thick chain, and collided directly into the back of the monster's shiny metal helmet with a thunderous **CLANG!**

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The monster stood still for a moment, apparently registering this blow to the head, before silently toppling over on its face, knocked completely out.

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Yami and Yuugi stared at the Hookshot, which had retracted quietly. Then Yami's face twisted in an delighted smirk.

"I think I just found my new favorite weapon," the dark spirit said, ignoring his other half's exasperated sigh.

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Yami proceeded to have a great time shooting the rest of the dog-faced spear-toting monsters from on top of the hedges. Yuugi just sighed and floated quietly behind his now-maybe-just-a-little-too-happy Yami, and tried to ignore the other's speculations on what it would be like if they brought the weapon in question home with them when all this weirdness was over.

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Halfway up the big staircase at the end of the hedges, a dog-faced monster blocked the way with a giant hammer. A Hookshot firing later, Yami and Yuugi were calmly walking/floating the rest of the way up the stairs.

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The first thing they noticed about the Sacred Forest Meadow was that it looked exactly the same as it had last time they'd been there. The second thing was that it was completely deserted.

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The Hookshot proved it had other functions besides the long-distance bashing of monster heads when Yami idly Hookshotted the old dead tree right by the remnants of the staircase. Yuugi stifled his giggles at the sight of his Yami being yanked to the top of the old deadwood. From there, though, it was just a little jump to the staircase, and the two of them were entering the entrance in no time.

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The Temple's foyer was overgrown, as what probably befitted a Forest Temple. There were more trees, some bushes, and lots of vines covering the walls. Just as they were walking past a particularly large bush, it rustled alarmingly.

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Yami instantly whirled, intending to use his Hookshot on it - the spirit was becoming rather dangerously attached to the offensive abilities of his little doohickey - but Yuugi zipped in the way of his shot at the last second. On purpose - Yuugi had recognized the shape of the thing in the bushes, and when it saw who was there, the thing emerged.

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It was a big black wolf.


	34. Plenty of things to swing at

Disclaimer: We don't own what we didn't invent

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The big black wolf blinked at them for a moment, before wagging its tail and grinning.

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"It's you guys again!" the wolf said, "Boy, am I glad to see you two!"

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"You are? But before you said you were guarding this temple from intruders," Yami blinked, "And we're definitely intruding this time."

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"Yeah, well, that was then and this is now," the wolf shrugged, "Us wolves were supposed to keep this temple from being filled with evil stuff, but we couldn't stop that pineapple guy. And because of the evil Pharaoh -" 

"_Hey!_" Yami yelped.

"Will you stop being an idiot already!" Yuugi snapped at him.

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"Um, yeah. Because of the pineapple guy," the wolf continued nervously, "Us wolves are now busy trying to keep people out so they won't get eaten or anything. But you guys are big tough adventurers! You guys can rid of the evil stuff in this Temple!"

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"Big tough adventurers. I think I like the sound of that," Yuugi said thoughtfully.

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"_Anyone_ would, as opposed to being 'Hey, you, the little dueling pipsqueak'," Yami remarked dryly, "But there's just one more thing we need to know. Wolf, has anyone else besides us gotten into this Temple since the…pineapple guy…got in here?"

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"Um," the wolf mumbled, looking incredibly nervous now, "Well…um…you see…uh…hey, will you guys promise not to tell on me for this? I could get in serious trouble…but she's STILL way too scary to growl at!"

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"Oh _no_," the heroic duo groaned.

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"Um, yup? Sorry? Ah, um, yeah…hey, well, this has been great and fun but I really gotta go now," the wolf mentioned, still extremely nervous, "Yeah…right now sounds really good. Um…_Byeandgoodluckandstuff!_"

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And before Yami or Yuugi could tell it to stop, the wolf dived into the bushes and vanished completely. After a minute of furious silent debate, our heroes turned and continued to head into the Temple.

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The inside was a dark and completely twisted maze of rooms. Like in the entrance, there were vines growing over most of the walls. And much to Yuugi's dismay, the temple was also full of spiders.

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Luckily, spiders died with amusing noises when Hookshotted in the face. And after all, there were plenty of other things to be worried about inside of the Forest Temple without taking the spiders into consideration: flying skulls that were on fire, giant undead skeletons with really huge, rusty swords, and the occasional haunted painting of a ghost.

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"_Ow, ow, ow,_" Yami grumbled under his breath, rubbing a sore arm after taking out their third flame-wielding painting ghost.

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"Its not that bad, you big baby," Yuugi chided him.

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"It bit me!" Yami snapped, "That little green bugger BIT me! And why do these ghosts even have teeth, anyway? That's just cruel!"

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"This coming from the one who almost broke the bow we found trying to beat the poor thing back to death afterwards," Yuugi pointed out.

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"You shut up," Yami grumbled, batting at his hovering hikari affectionately, "Its bad enough we have to fight our way through this annoying place, but your constant optimism isn't helping things."

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"…If I started screaming in unholy terror every time we enter a new room in this Temple, will that make you feel better?" Yuugi retorted snidely.

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"Pesky fairy pipsqueak."

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Much more sarcastic commentary - and another, more-annoying-than-the-other-three-combined ghost - later, Yami and Yugi finally managed to find a staircase that wasn't haunted AND which lead to the center of the Temple, where, they assumed, the source of all the evil stuff they'd been dealing with was.

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One annoyingly constructed room later - Yami was getting mighty tired of having to shove whole walls out of the way - they found themselves in the final room. The room was dark, creepy, and had almost a dozen pictures of the same creepy-looking picture on every wall. It was also totally empty aside from them.

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"Oh no," Yami growled, "I am NOT going back through the whole stupid Temple again."

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"…Um…Yami? I don't think we'll have to," Yuugi piped up nervously.

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As well he should, because there was an ominous humming sound coming from directly behind them. That humming noise, as it turned out, came from the last thing either of them expected to see when they turned around:

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Yami Malik on his floating horsecycle, sneering right at them.

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Yuugi yelped and Yami cursed, and for a minute the two sides stared each other down…until the hikari blinked and blurted out the first thing that came into his head.

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"Wait a second! Those horse-motorcycle-things don't _fly_…"

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"Correct!" sneered 'Yami Malik', reaching up to pull off his head like it was a mask, which, fortunately for the story's rating, it was.

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Underneath the mask was the face of an older, much uglier man who Yami and Yugi weren't close personal friends with.

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"Who are you supposed to be?" Yami asked the man point-blank.

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"WHAT! Don't tell me you don't know who I am!" the man yelled.

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Yami shrugged, "Well, if you insist, whoever-you-are."

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"I don't believe this! How can you little brats not know who I am? I built the most powerful corporation in the world up from nothing!" the man growled.

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"You mean Paradius?" Yuugi wondered innocently.

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The man made a sound like a wet cat being trampled by an angry mob and turned purple with extreme rage. Thusly distracted, he didn't notice Yami whipping out his trusty new Hookshot until he was knocked clean off the 'horsecycle' and landed on his butt.

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"Why you -" the man was unable to finish his outraged statement, due to his being interrupted by a swift blow to the head with the flat side of the Master Sword.

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"Gods that man's annoying," Yami grumbled.

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"I knew you were just pretending not to know him," Yuugi replied cheerfully.

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"Of course…hmm, maybe I should try this for that oversized stubborn mule as well," Yami mused, "If I have to hear one more **twenty-minute speech** on how _incredibly undefeatable it is to be a Kaiba_…lets just say the world may become short of several of them."

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Any further disparaging of the Kaiba name was interrupted when the floor underneath the prone body of Gozaboro Kaiba turned into a little purple vortex that sucked him inside before vanishing.

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At the same time, the floor right around Yami's feet glowed bright blue, and before either of them could move a muscle, the two of them were sucked away themselves.


	35. More trauma for everyone!

Tulip-Jin: (checking reviews) One, two, seventeen... OI!

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Yami Tulip-Jin: (looks up from the other side of room where she's sharping a scythe) What?

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TJ: When was someone going to tell me that I got past a hundred reviews already!

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Yami TJ: (sighs) We DID tell you, idiot. Remember that incredible sugar-hangover, and you couldn't remember what happened, and that Chibs decided to rent a summer home in Tibet right afterwards...?

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TJ: Oops. My bad. Still, all these reviews...love you all for leavin' 'em, reader-people!

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Yami TJ: (mutters) Nearsighted idiot. (goes back to sharping scythe)

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TJ: (ignores her) Here's the next chapter! Oh, and sorry this chapter is a little short, timeline-wise.

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Yami TJ: (mutters) _You're_ the short one.

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TJ: (glares, picks randomly appearing coconut off ground, and flings it at Yami TJ's head while her back is turned)

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Yami TJ: (yelps when coconut hits head, turns around to death-glare at her hikari)

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TJ: (tries to blink and look around innocently) What? I think someone's throwing stuff.

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Disclaimer: Zelda and Yugioh not owned here

Claimer: Original stuff owned by the person who invented it (in this case, that would be me)

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Blinking away the flashing spots in their eyes, Yami and Yugi swiftly discovered that they were back in the Temple of Light. Grandpa Motou was currently nowhere to be seen, but a quick flash of light later a much less welcome person appeared on another one of the platforms in the ring of platforms.

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"Oh YUUGI! I'm so glad I FOUND YOU!" Rebecca squealed.

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"Um…" Yuugi was at a loss for words.

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"Guess what!" Rebecca continued, not caring a whit which of them she was actually talking to, "It turns out that I, Rebecca the Incredibly Multi-Talented Genius, am also the Sage of Forest! Isn't that AWESOME? That means I can help you take out that nasty weirdo Pharaoh of Evil!"

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Yami made a strangled sound, torn between his usual reaction to the last three words and fear of receiving Rebecca's complete attention.

As of yet, she hadn't _quite_ figured out that they had switched places, and knowing her she'd throw a massive hissy-fit if she thought it would make them switch back, despite all evidence to the contrary.

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"This is so great! Not only is that pineapple guy going down, but it'll all thanks to my super-cute and wonderful BOYFRIEND!"

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This time Yuugi was the one making strangled noises. Ignoring them, Rebecca finished up with a snap of 'Well, what are you waiting for? Hyrule's not gonna save ITSELF, you know!' before they were once again sucked away in a beam of blue light.

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"Yami, I think I've been traumatized," Yuugi said when they reappeared in Hyrule.

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"I believe it," Yami said, sounding sympathetic.

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That sympathy lasted for a minute…then Yami remembered how Rebecca had just declared Yuugi to be her 'super-cute and wonderful boyfriend' and burst out snickering. Even a few sharp bops to the head didn't keep the dark spirit from enjoying this moment at the expense of his lighter side.

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"Well, I'm glad you two are taking this all with such maturity!" rang out a voice from behind them.

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Looking around, the pair discovered that they had reappeared in the Great Deku Tree's meadow. Dominating the scene was the blackened hulk of dead tree that had once been the Great Deku Tree. But sticking out the ground just a little ways ahead of it was a tiny shrub-thing that was watching Yami and Yuugi with semi-familiar beady little eyes.

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"Oh no, not **another** talking twig," Yami groaned as they went to check it out.

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"Still as pleasant as ever, I see," the shrub-thing replied, "Let me go ahead and reintroduce myself. I'm the Deku Tree Sprout, formally the Great Deku Tree!"

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"Oh, so you weren't really dead after all!" Yuugi exclaimed, "That's a relief - the whole irreversible-curse-thing was really bothering me."

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"Not me," Yami huffed under his breath.

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"No no," the Sprout corrected, "The Great Deku Tree DID die. But there was enough of the old big me left for this new little me to sprout, so here I am again…really, it's just a tree thing. Don't try to understand."

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"No worries there," Yami said, "Does this mean we can get out of here now?"

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"Sure, the monsters are all gone, everything's fine now," the Sprout said cheerfully, "Oh, and just so you know…this was probably the easy one. Have fun with the other four temples you two!"

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Yami and Yuugi groaned. If the next four temples were **anything** like the last three places they'd had to fight their way through…and the way things were going, it was practically a given that they'd be **so** much more worse…unfortunately, they also knew perfectly well that heroes don't get time off or vacations.

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At least Yami had his shiny happy Hookshot to comfort him.


	36. Return to the mountain of DOOM!

Disclaimer: Yugioh and Zelda not owned here

Claimer: Made-up stuff that I invented belongs to me (how many more times am I gonna have to say all this before it sinks in?)

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"We're lost, aren't we?" Yuugi asked Yami, several hours later.

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"No we're not," Yami retorted, "Not any more than we were the last four times you asked, Aibou."

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"Yeah, we were just as lost then too weren't we?" Yuugi said, "Well, I mean, we know where we are, but we don't know where we're going."

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That was true: ever since leaving the woods, Yami had been driving Epona around Hyrule Field in huge circles as the two of them tried to remember where to go next. And it wasn't like before, when they literally had NO clue what they were doing - this time they had specific, albeit sort of vague, directions.

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Except that they didn't know where in Hyrule to find a lake, or sand, and neither of them REALLY wanted to go out of their way to find dead people, and the only mountain they knew of was a volcano that brought up really bad memories Yuugi was trying to suppress…

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But all that suppression turned out to be in vain, since Death Mountain was the only place they knew how to get to next. Parking Epona in the grassy part of Kakariko Village, Yami trudged up the staircases to where the path up Death Mountain began.

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Seven years in the future, not only was Croquet no longer standing guard at the gate, but the gate itself was gone. A few stray metallic bars were on the ground where it used to be, looking an awful lot like they'd been run over, over and over…and just a short ways up the steep path Yami and Yuugi discovered why that was _exactly_ the case.

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"The fire part wasn't bad enough," Yuugi complained loudly from high above the situation, "Then there were monsters, but that wasn't bad enough EITHER - noooo, now we must be plagued with HUGE BOULDERS TRYING TO SQUASH US!"

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"I don't see _you_ in that much danger!" Yami snapped, diving for safety to the side of an incoming boulder larger than he was.

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Diving forward on a steeply uphill path resulted in Yami plowing face-first into said path almost every time. Needless to say, when the two of them got past the area the boulders were reaching the path at (right on top of the entrance to Dodongo's Cavern, a place filled with such fond memories for both of them), Yami was extremely Not Amused.

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There were only two improvements: firstly, the ominous cloud cover hanging over the volcano blocked most of the sunlight, reducing the temperature from the terrible heat Yuugi had gone through to something almost chilly for the desert-acclimated Yami, and secondly, there were no hopping monsters waiting on the now-boulder-infested path to try and eat them, undoubtedly having all been squashed by the falling rocks.

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Those were the only good things going on on Death Mountain. And when Yami and Yuugi made it to Goron City, they were quite alarmed to discover that all the Gorons were mysteriously missing. A check in the Big Brother room showed that Jou was also missing, which really got them worried.

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"Now what do we do?" Yuugi wondered as the two of them wandered Goron City, "I was hoping Jou or even one of the Gorons would know something about this mountain sage we're supposed to find, but everyone's vanished! I hope they're all okay…"

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Yami had no idea what to say to comfort his distraught aibou, especially since he was worried about Jou too - the blonde duelist was his sort-of-friend too, or at least his favorite competition - so he lead a new search of Goron City, leaving no stone unturned. It was in the middle of trying to turn over a particularly heavy round stone tucked into a corner that Yami discovered that not all the Gorons had disappeared.

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In response to being turned over, the stone uncurled and complained, "OI! Don't ya know its RUDE ta flip a guy over when he's sleepin'?"

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The 'stone' was in fact a Goron! It was also the smallest and (apparently) youngest Gorons Yami and Yuugi had ever seen, and once he got over the indignation of being rolled over, the little Goron greeted Yami and Yuugi with a big Goron grin.

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"Are you guys called Yuugi and Yami?" was the first thing the Goron asked.

"Yes," said Yuugi and Yami.

"FINALLY!" the little Goron cried, "Big Brother told me ta stay and wait for ya to come! He also told me to tell ya that he's sorry he couldn't wait for you but he needed to go try and squish the dragon before he eats all the Gorons."

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"Jou's going to try to _squash_ a _dragon?_" Yuugi gasped.

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"Wait…Jou's going to try to eat all the Gorons?" Yami blinked.

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"It was awful," the little Goron nodded, responding to Yuugi, "We were all happy and fine, after you cool guys fixed up Dodongo's Cavern and we could eat again, but the evil guy who blocked the cavern before…he came back."

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Here the Goron swallowed nervously.

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"And then he revived this evil dragon Volvagia that used to live here a long time ago, and the evil dragon came and took everyone but me and Big Brother away to eat them!"

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"Oh no!" cried Yuugi.

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"So Big Brother said he was gonna have to go rescue them," the little Goron continued, "And he told me to stay here and hide until his friends the Dodongo-Busters came back, and then tell them…but I already told you."

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"This is bad," Yami said, "Jou's a determined person -"

"You can say it, Yami, we all know he's stubborn and impulsive sometimes," Yuugi interrupted him.

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"As I was saying," Yami said, annoyed now, "Even so, he probably can't defeat a dragon by himself. So we need to go after him."

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"Volvagia's inside the Fire Temple, Big Brother said," the little Goron piped up, "And that's inside the lava inside of the crater where only Gorons can go because other people'll burn up in, like, five minutes because its so hot there."

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"So how are we supposed to do anything if we can't go into the Temple?" Yami growled.

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Yuugi was silent, remembering something from their last visit. Jou had been wearing a weird coat…because of -

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"But Jou _can_ go into the Temple, even though he's not a Goron," Yuugi exclaimed, "He had that weird red jacket which was supposed to protect him, remember? The last time we saw him?" 

"…Ah yes," Yami said, remembering, "I also remember that rather delightful hot dog analogy he mentioned - but where are we going to find one of those protective coats…"

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"No sweat!" the little Goron piped up, "Big Brother ALSO told me to give you guys this so you could get into the Temple without flash-frying!"

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Yuugi made a face at his best friend's choice of descriptions as the little Goron pulled out another of those weird red coats. This one came with a hat - an ugly cowboy hat the same color as the coat which would fit nicely over the green pointed one Yami was already wearing.

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"Do we have to wear this hat too?" the spirit asked as he pulled the coat over his tunic.

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"Yep! Its for total protection, otherwise your head'll catch on fire or something," the little Goron said, "That makes the hat the essential part of the Goron Jacket - and while you're wearing the Goron Jacket, you can survive being set on fire real easy too!"

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"That's actually a relief, I think," Yuugi said, trying not to make his Yami's mood worse by laughing as the spirit reluctantly forced the ugly red hat over their pointed green one.

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The total outfit was very eye-catching, the coat going to the tops of Yami's ankles. Intriguingly, there were holes in the coat that connected to each and every pocket in Yami's tunic, so Yami couldn't complain how inconvenient it would be to get out his Hookshot every time he wanted to shoot something.

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The last thing the little Goron told them were directions to the Temple. Inside of the Big Brother room, the ugly statue Yuugi and Yami had seen on their previous visit blocked the tunnel leading directly to the Fire Temple (as this temple was obviously named) and it could just so happened to be moved by someone wearing Goron Bracelets.

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The Bracelets Yuugi had gotten from Jou still fit Yami's wrists, so with very little difficulty the ugly statue was moved and the two adventurers were on their way.


	37. Annoying Fiery Pit of Monsters: Part 3

Tulip-Jin: (running around in circles)_**AAAAGGGGHHHH! AAAAGGGGHHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!**_

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Yami Tulip-Jin: (at TJ) WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR DAMN PROBLEM AIBOU!

Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rawwwrr rawr, rawr rawr rawrrrr...rawr rawr rraaawwrr? (Don't look at me, I just got back here...maybe it has to do with this update thing?)

Yami TJ: (glances over fic) Oh yeah...ooh, twenty three days since last update. I have trained you well in the ways of laziness, grasshopper...even if you ARE ruining it with the running-like-a-headless-chicken-thing now...

Chibi Red Eyes: (sighs) _Rawwr_ rawr rawwwwwr rawrrrr. (_This_ is why I should never leave town.)

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Disclaimer: Yugioh and Zelda not owned here (duh)

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The crater of Death Mountain was _HOT_.

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Perhaps the heat had something to do with the lava that bubbled and hissed just twenty feet below Yami's feet. With the Goron Jacket (plus hat) on, Yami was able to walk around okay, but it was still much hotter in the crater than it had ever been in Dodongo's Cavern. Yuugi, meanwhile, had discovered another advantage of possessing a fairy body - it was wonderfully heat-resistant AND the wings were like a natural air-conditioning fan.

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The short ledge the tunnel had opened to ended at the foot of a bridge. It was a little wooden bridge that lead to the entrance of the Fire Temple on the far side of the crater. It was also broken in one section, leaving a gap too wide to jump.

"Okay…now what?" Yami wondered, eyeing the broken spot warily.

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"I bet you can use the Hookshot on this beam and get over easily," Yuugi piped up, hovering by the beam in question.

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"…Maybe there's another way to get across," Yami said, not exactly interested in testing the limits of fireproofing the Goron Jacket provided for him should he miss and land in the lava.

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"Oh no you don't," Yuugi retorted, "If you get to give me crackpot lava-crossing ideas when you're stuck in a fairy body, then I get to do the same! Now get that Hookshot out, or else!"

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"Or else what?" Yami challenged his hikari.

"Or else…" Yuugi hesitated.

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After a moment's thought, Yuugi gave his other half a fiendish fairy grin.

"Or else I'll be forced to distribute certain pictures I have of you…"

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"Pictures?" Yami said, looking only slightly nervous, "And what pictures would those be?"

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"Nothing special," Yuugi drawled, "Just…the ones from that party…and I just so happen to have a dozen or so that show you -" 

"WHOA! Alright, alright! I get it!" Yami exclaimed, "Damn blackmailing hikari with a camera…"

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With only a few more complaining mutters about which of them was supposed to be the evil half of their partnership, Yami pulled out his Hookshot, aimed for the beam Yuugi was highlighting, and fired.

It got him safely across the gap, of course, and with only a few swats at Yuugi's laughter of how 'terrified' Yami had been, they made their way to the entrance of the Fire Temple.

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The entrance, weirdly enough, was a carefully constructed hole inside of a carefully constructed tunnel in the side of the volcano which was made accessible by the stone platform the bridge connected to. There was a ladder, which Yami climbed down.

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And down. And down. And down some more.

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"This ladder goes on forever!" Yuugi sighed.

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"You only get to complain when you're the one doing the climbing, kiddo," Yami said, continuing to climb down the ladder.

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"Just because I'm short doesn't mean you get to call me a kid!" Yuugi yelled.

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"No, but the little fact that I was born several thousand years **before** you does," Yami snidely pointed out.

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Yuugi grumbled under his breath, while Yami climbed down. And down. And down…

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_(We cut several hours ahead)_

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"Okay," Yami wheezed, "As soon as…my arms regain feeling…we go through this door."

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Yes, they had finally reached the bottom of the ladder, and were now standing in front of their next obstacle: a nice, basic door. With a doorknob and everything. Pulling the door open and walking inside, Yami and Yuugi found themselves inside of a pretty impressive entrance hall. There were flaming torches everywhere, and there was a huge staircase, and it was still really _HOT_.

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Yami and Yuugi walked up the stairs, wondering where to go next. While they were wondering, Yuugi noticed something a little odd.

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"Hey, Yami?" Yuugi asked.

"Yes, what is it?" Yami answered.

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"You remember those little floating torch-things we spotting on our way in?"

"What about them?"

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"Um…they're heading this way."

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"…Are they?" Yami said, not certain why he needed to care.

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"And they're not torches, per say," Yuugi continued, "They're more like giant bats that are on fire."

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"…They are?" Yami blinked.

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"Yep," Yuugi said, "Oh, and they've got really huge fangs and all…"

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Yami turned, looked, and blanched. Sure enough, fiery mega-bats with huge teeth were diving right at them. Well, they were actually ignoring Yuugi and diving right at him, Yami, instead.

"I think we'll go through this door," Yami said, pointing to a door, "In fact, we're going to through it right now. At a run."

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The bats squealed victory and charged. Yami and Yuugi shrieked fear and ran like the wind. When Yami slammed the door shut, it rattled as the bats slammed into it, unable to stop in time.

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This was how a lot of the temple went. A lot (see: all but four or so) of the rooms of the Fire Temple had flaming molten lava for a floor, forcing Yami to creep along ledges and cling to pillars like his life depended on it. There were more flaming bats, as well as more of those flaming skulls from the Forest Temple, except this time they were red and living in the lava.

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Where there was no ambient lava, there were even weirder things to deal with: walls of fire that appeared out of nowhere and seemed to take delight in chasing Yami and Yuugi across rooms, giant mazes filled with boulders which also seemed to take delight in chasing Yami and Yuugi across rooms, things that pretended to be doors until Yami tried to use them, at which point they fell over and attempted to crush the hapless spirit, and freakish slug-monsters that moved way too fast. Oh, and were also covered in flames, just to make it interesting.

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On the plus side, they were finding and freeing Gorons left and right. There was still no sign of Jou, but they decided to be optimistic about that. Better to be lucky than good, right? And Yami and Yuugi both agreed that Jou had luck up the wazoo.

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But then Yami had to Hookshot and slash to death some sort of living bomb with legs that covered itself in - what a surprise - fire and in the next room collapsed for a breather.

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"We're switching for the next one," he panted, leaning back against something on the ground, "If it's the last thing we do -"

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"Oh come _on_," Yuugi sighed, "We're probably almost there!"

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Yami sweat-dropped.

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"Only _probably?_" Yami groaned, "I think this volcano hates us…but it hates me more than it hates you, of course."

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"Overly-competitive yami," Yuugi muttered, then blinked.

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"Is it just me, or does this conversation seem awfully familiar?"

"…That depends," Yami hesitated, "What am I leaning on?"

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Yami turned, and Yuugi floated over to provide extra light. The thing Yami had been leaning against turned out to be a big wooden chest. 

"Whoa, déjà vu," Yuugi said.

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Opening it up, Yami reached down and lifted out a hammer. And this was a HUGE hammer. If they would have gotten a chance to measure it, they would have discovered that it was just-over-Yuugi's-height tall. Luckily for Yuugi's self-esteem, they didn't have any chance to measure it, but they did know it was a really massive hammer.

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"_This is the Legendary Megaton Hammer_," Yuugi read off the plaque inside of the chest, "_Caution, this weapon is extremely dangerous. Keep out of reach of small children and the elderly. We are not responsible for any eruptions, earthquakes, or other massive amounts of property damage that you might cause by using this ancient and most gloriously powerful weapon - especially if you use it to hammer in nails or crack nuts or do other stupid things with it._"

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"Who writes these things?" Yuugi wondered as Yami hefted the Megaton Hammer.

"I think I feel better already," Yami grinned, swinging it back and forth.

"Good grief," Yuugi sighed.


	38. Annoying Fiery Pit of Monsters: DA END!

Tulip-Jin: **AAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

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Chibi Red Eyes Black Dragon: Rawwwr rawr rawr, rawrrr raaawwrrr rawr rawr rawr? (Now that school's back, this is the earliest she could post?)

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Yami Tulip-Jin: Honestly, Chibs, how long have you known us?

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TJ: **_ACCURSED PLACE!_ ****_WHY DOST THOU TORMENT ME SO!_**

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Yami TJ: Dangit, she's stuck in English mode again...unfortunately this is the only way to fix it... (ducks head and covers ears)

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Chibi Red Eyes: Rawwr raaaaawr... (Oh boy...)

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Yami TJ: (to no one) _WOW, LOOK AT THIS CRAP-I MEAN, THIS HALF-WAY DECENT_ coughnotreallycough _FIC! LOOK HOW MANY PAGES LONG IT IS!_

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TJ: (blinks) Huh? (looks at fic) OMG! We have officially reached 100 pages in this fic! **EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**

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Yami TJ: (rolls eyes sarcastically)

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Disclaimer: Yugioh and Zelda are not owned here, ya dink!

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The Megaton Hammer was _more_ than capable of smashing down anything and everything in Yami and Yuugi's path. Walls, doors, small flaming slug creatures, it didn't matter - the two of them left a wave of destruction in their wake as they freed the rest of the Gorons and got closer to the place where Volvagia the Evil Dragon was waiting.

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The last tunnel in was dark, narrow, and monster-free.

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"Okay, now I'm seriously getting a sense of déjà vu here," Yuugi said, "Keep an eye on the floor, make sure its solid."

"I know, Aibou, I was there, remember?" Yami said, rolling his eyes.

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"Honestly, Yami…" Yuugi sighed.

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He floated on ahead of Yami, to provide light so that the other could see where he was going. After one long bend - Yuugi was now complaining about how long this stupidly annoying tunnel was turning out to be - Yami hesitated when he spotted something on one of the walls. It looked like writing…

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"I can't read a thing this says," Yami grumbled, even after Yuugi came back to give him more light.

"And I know why!" Yuugi said, excited, "This is Jou's handwriting! It takes a lot of practice to read it."

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Yami sweat-dropped at the thought, while Yuugi looked over the words. The hikari nodded to himself after another minute.

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"It says '_TO WHOEVER: I, Jonouchi Katsuya, on whatever day it is now, did go down this tunnel to smash the evil dragon. Go me!_' And there's a little happy face doing a victory sign here on the bottom, see?"

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"Sounds like Jou," Yami muttered, adjusting the position of the Megaton Hammer, which he was carrying slung over a shoulder.

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When that didn't feel any better, Yami moved to switch the Hammer from that shoulder to another shoulder…forgetting to account for the low ceiling level during the process. Right during the middle of the switch, the edge of the Megaton Hammer tapped the ceiling, very lightly.

The sharp rap this made was immediately drowned out as the walls, ceiling, and floor shattered into pieces and Yami and Yuugi fell into the room below the tunnel.

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"_NOT AGAIN!_" Yuugi wailed as he fell.

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Yuugi kept wailing afterwards, all the way down…or at least until he remembered that he had wings now and quietly flew the rest of the way under his own power. Yami, for his part, just screamed like a girl all the way down (a fact the ex-Pharaoh would continue to deny for the rest of his afterlife).

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Once the dust settled, Yami coughed, "…Where are we now, then?"

A low snarl answered him, just before Yuugi said, "Um, Yami…I think we might have just found that dragon…"

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Looking around, our heroes discovered that they were inside of a large room, the floor of which was entirely submerged in lava. Sticking out of the lava were some flat-topped rock pillars, one of which Yami had landed on. The only other thing in the room was a huge rocky platform, floating on the lava and taking up most of the space. There were several holes in the platform where lava came through, but the majority of the rock was solid and cool.

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Something briefly stuck its face out of one of those holes and growled at them, before quickly diving back under the molten rock.

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"Of COURSE the dragon stays in the lava!" Yami grumbled loudly, carefully stepping from the pillar he was on to one that he could (safely) jump to the platform from.

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"Careful, Yami," Yuugi said, hovering overhead as Yami jumped.

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Yami was still holding the Megaton Hammer. Having decided that his shoulder was not a safe place for the dangerous weapon, the spirit was carrying it loosely in one hand. Unfortunately, when he was jumping off the pillar to reach the platform, Yami let the hammer's head swing a little too low…and that was the end of the pillar.

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"Yami, what did I just say?" Yuugi cried in exasperation as his other half's only route to safety crumbled into pebbles and vanished into the lava.

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"It was an **accident!**" Yami snapped, "Give a dead guy a break, you whiny prepubescent!"

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While Yuugi was turning into a whirling ball of fairy fury, and Yami was attempting not to be pummeled mercilessly - oh, and failing - unnoticed by both of them, the dragon Volvagia had moved to a hole in the platform just a few feet away. The dragon slowly surfaced, slowly raised its head, and growled. And when Yami and Yuugi turned to see what was making the noise…Volvagia sneezed.

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"_WAAHH! LAVA-BOOGERS!_" Yuugi cried, dodging the flaming goo.

"_THE FIRE! IT BURNS!_" Yami screamed, trying to put out the flaming boogers his nifty new Goron Jacket (plus cowboy hat) was now covered with.

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Luckily for them - especially since they had completely forgotten - the Jacket prevented Yami from burning, and as the last of the disgusting nastiness was tossed off the side of the platform, Volvagia laughed and ducked back under the lava.

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"Oh man, this isn't good," Yuugi said, hovered by Yami's shoulder as the spirit slowly moved across the platform, "We'd better get that dragon before it sneezes us to death!"

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Yami, however, was still a _little_ shaken up from his flaming booger experience, and tightened his grip on the Megaton Hammer in nervousness. As he slowly moved along, Volvagia decided to peek out its head again and scare the bejeezes out of its new screaming playthings.

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The evil dragon emerged…moving oh so slowly…from a hold located right behind Yami's back. It stretched itself up, and up…and Yami, still a little freaked out, saw Volvagia out of the corner of his eye. And since Yami didn't immediately recognize the dragon, he simply sprang to a conclusion about what this long and sinister shape of doom could possibly be.

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"**SNAKE!**" Yami shrieked, whirling around and smacking the 'snake' as hard as he could with the Megaton Hammer.

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Volvagia didn't stand a chance against Yami's little episode. The dragon killed instantly, dragon brains splattering all over the platform. Yuugi, meanwhile, quickly got over his heart attack and announced, "That wasn't a snake you fraidy-cat, that was the dragon!"

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"Oh," Yami blinked, "I thought it was a…ugh! Just thinking about even one of those icky slinky things gives me the heebie-jeebies!"

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"You mean, when you think about a snake?" Yuugi asked innocently (yeah right). 

"_WHERE?_" Yami screeched, jumping up and down and looking around wildly.

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"Oooh, this is going to be fun," Yuugi giggled to himself.

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Just then, the floor went blue, and Yami and Yuugi felt themselves being sucked away into the light again. When they reappeared in the Temple of Light, much to their utter relief, Rebecca was NOT standing on the Forest Sage's platform waiting for them. The next platform glowed, and Jou appeared.

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"Huh? What da - oh," Jou blinked, "Hiya, Yug'! Long time no see!"

"Jou, you're okay!" Yuugi cheered.

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"What da? Yug', ya shrunk!" Jou exclaimed, pointing dramatically at the floating fairy.

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…The same floating fairy who then proceeded to severally hurt Jou until he apologized, loudly and repeatedly. Once the torment was finished, Yami said, "So, Jou, should we assume you've been made a Sage now?"

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"Oh yeah, dat!" Jou grinned, "You bet I'm a Sage now! I'm da Sage of Fire! And before I forget…"

Jou cleared his throat, like he was going to make some sort of important announcement. And he was…well, it was important to Jou, anyway.

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"**_YA SEE DAT? IN YOUR FACE, RICH BOY!_**" Jou bellowed at the invisible ceiling up above.

"Oh Jou," Yuugi and Yami sighed and sweat-dropped.

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"Anyway," Jou added, "Thanks fer smashing dat dragon and saving da Gorons! I really like those guys, ya know? And now dat I'm da Sage of Fire, I'll be able ta really help ya kick dat psycho Marik's butt, even more den last time!"

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"That's awesome!" Yuugi said, "Thanks Jou! We owe you one!"

"Fergitabouit," Jou said, "Yer makin' me blush here! Go on now, ya got some other sages ta save, don't ya? See ya later guys!"

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"Bye Jou!" Yuugi said as he and Yami were sucked away by the blue light again.


	39. Fishy with da Bling Bling!

Tulip-Jin: Dang, this fic is taking so long to write! I'm bored! I'm more bored than I was halfway through the evil temple of Doom!

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Yami Tulip-Jin: (sticks head in room) Did someone say 'of Doom'? With a capital D? And its not something I already own? _**BLASPHEMY!**_

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TJ: (sighs) And here we go again...yes, as a matter of fact, I did, Yami, since thats the temple that's coming up next in the story.

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Yami TJ: (grabs game guide, flips through it, and reads) In here, up, down, raise the water, up, raise the water, down, down , WAY down, dodge the ooze, lower the water, raise the water, lower the water, raise the water...and you like this game **why** now?

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TJ: Oh come on, its not that bad. And unlike Windwaker, you can actually finish _this_ game in under two weeks!

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Yami TJ: ...And I thought I was supposed to be the insane one. Sheesh!

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Disclaimer: See the last chapter that was posted previously before this chapter

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Feeling pretty good about saving the Gorons and Jou, although not as great because of the **slight** little detail of having to find a way back out of the Death Mountain Crater without falling into the lava (they had been warped to the far side of the volcano and were thus VERY far away from the bridge, safety, and freedom), Yami and Yuugi decided to head back to Kakariko Village and figure out where they would need to go next.

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After fleeing like the wind to avoid being crushed flat by the big rocks on the path, Yami sighed in relief when they finally reached the safety of the village.

"This whole 'the entire land being an enormous deathtrap' thing is_ really_ starting to bother me," Yami said as he sat down on one of the staircases to catch his breath.

"Really?" Yuugi said, sounding a little distracted, "As a matter of fact, the thing that's really bothering me is that I somehow got this song stuck in my head while we were in the Fire Temple."

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"_Wow_…I don't actually _care_," Yami sighed.

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"Well, I do!" Yuugi continued loudly, ignoring his Yami's sarcasm and headache, "I'm sick of these songs getting stuck in my head! It wasn't so bad, in the forest temple, that one was sort of a '_Dun-Dee-Deh Dah-Deh-Dah_' thing, but this other one was really annoying! It was all '_Doo-Dun Doo-Dun Dah-Doo Dah-Doo_', and -"

"_La la la la la la - I'm not listening!_" Yami cried, covered his ears.

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"That's not how it went at all! Are you even _listening_ to me?"

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Eventually, they made their way back to where Epona was waiting for them - the horsecycle didn't appreciate being made to wait days on end for her weirdo masters to come back - and headed out into Hyrule Field.

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Unlike most of the other times they wanted to go somewhere, Yami and Yuugi actually knew where they were going this time. When Yuugi had had to go around collecting Spiritual Stones, he'd gone through the Kokiri Forest and Death Mountain and to the Fish-people-Zora's Domain, and so far they'd had to go to most of the same exact places…

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The evilly confusing Zora's River didn't look too different at first. But, as they continued walking upstream - Epona had found some really good grass and refused to keep carrying them without a snack - Yami and Yuugi noticed something really weird. The further they went, the colder it got, and by the time they reached the big waterfall, it was actually starting to snow! On top of that, the river seemed to have dried up some, which was weirder still.

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"Why does this fill me with pangs of doom?" Yami asked as he shook snow off his head.

"Because everything in this place is chock-full of doom anyway?" Yuugi wondered, shivering in midair.

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Pushing past the waterfall - it wasn't as strong as it had been seven years ago, explaining the shallower river - Yami and Yuugi discovered they had reached The Magical Winter Wonderland Formally Known as Zora's Domain.

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Everything was frozen! The water was all frozen, the waterfall had frozen solid, and in mid-fall no less, and there was no sign of any Zoras. Plus, it was freezing cold!

"Thank you, insulated Goron Jacket," Yami shivered, all of a sudden feeling very happy that he had had no place to stick the ugly, orangey, fire-proof clothing that he was still wearing.

"Sh-Show off," Yuugi shivered, forcing his way under the cowboy hat to try and warm himself up.

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"I suppose all the Zoras are frozen under the ice now," Yami said, heading deeper into the cavern of frozen water for a better look around.

"What about Noa? Or Mako? Do you think they got frozen too?" Yuugi asked, peeking out from his warm hat sanctuary.

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"We'll need to check the throne room…"

Yami hesitated, then sighed, "So of course the staircase is coated in ICE…"

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After a long, careful, and painful trip up (but sometimes down) the tall staircase to the Zora King's Throne Room, Yami gratefully collapsed on the only part of the floor that wasn't icy, rubbing life back into his painfully cold fingers. Yuugi, meanwhile, daringly ventured out of the hat to look for any sign of Mako or Noa.

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"Wh-What the…" the hikari was blinking several seconds later, "Yami! Have you ever se-seen anything like th-this?"

"…Its Mako!" Yami exclaimed, once he made his way to the top of the small (and frozen) waterfall.

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There sat a huge block of ice, and sure enough Mako was sitting inside of the block, frozen stiff. But there the ice wasn't normal ice at all…it was red!

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"Hey, its nice and warm!" Yuugi said, gratefully perching himself on top of the red ice block, "That means Mako wouldn't have frozen to death inside of it!"

"Good for him," Yami said, "But we still need to get him out! We need to figure out what happened here…what could we use to melt this ice, though?"

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"Well, if regular ice is cold, and melts in heat," Yuugi speculated, "And this ice is warm…would it melt in the cold?"

"Its pretty cold already, and getting co-colder," Yami said, shivering harder.

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"There's gotta be something we can use to make the ice so cold that it melts!" Yuugi said, "Why don't we check out the Fountain?"

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Walking carefully on the ice, Yami lead the way down the tunnel leading to the fountain where Jabu-Jabu had been, seven years ago. The further along they went, the colder it got, until even Yami's warm Goron Jacket did nothing to stave off the chill for either of them. Oddly, despite the extreme cold the ice receded into water at the end of the tunnel, and most of the Fountain was still completely liquid.

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The only really odd thing was that there was an iceberg where Jabu-Jabu had swum the last time they had been here. The iceberg was smaller than Jabu-Jabu, but there was no sign of the giant fish.

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Leaving the unexplainable mystery for future generations to solve, Yami and Yuugi searched the Fountain as best as they could. The only thing worse than being cold was being cold and wet at the same time, and most of the fountain could only be reached by swimming, so Yuugi ended up doing a lot of the work.

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"Se-See anything?" Yami asked his other half when Yuugi floated back from the far side of the water.

"Ye-Yeah," Yuugi shivered, "There's a c-cave, and I think m-most of the c-cold's coming from it…I think y-you can reach it if you w-walk across those ice-b-b-ergs…"

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At least the hard work of not falling into the freezing water and drowning warmed Yami up a little, and though right outside the cave was bone-chillingly cold, inside the cave was actually a little bit warm and cozy. A VERY little bit, but a bit was a bit, right?

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Unfortunately, the cave went pretty far into the cliff side, and had things living inside of it…mostly more of those bat-things, but this time covered in what appeared to be _blue_-colored fire, instead of regular fire-colored fire.

Thinking it was like regular fire, Yami didn't mind it when one hit his arm, believing his Goron Jacket would protect him from any burning. The spirit started to mind it a whole lot when instead of burning his arm, the blue fire flash-froze it from his fingers to his shoulder.

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"Someone out there has a **si-sick**, _twisted_ imagination!" Yami snapped as he carefully smashed the ice off his arm with the handle of the Master Sword.

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"I guess that would b-be cold enough to melt warm red ice, then," Yuugi mentioned, dodging flying ice chips in midair.

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Not really liking it, but wanting to be safe instead of sorry, Yami and Yuugi continued through all the rooms of the winding cave, until at last they reached the very last room. Like some of the other rooms, there were snowdrifts all over the floor of the last room, except for one spot where there was only a hole filled with water. The walls were all ice, and sparkled very beautifully…not beautifully enough for Yami and Yuugi to forgive the room for being so damn COLD, but that would take a real miracle at this point.

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It only seemed to get worse when, as soon as the two of them walked through the entrance, a huge block of ice cracked off the ceiling and landed in just the right spot to seal them in the room, apparently forever or at least until the British Museum found their mummified remains and put them on display in about three to five thousand years.

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"For th-the love of th-the - I WAS BORN IN A D-DESERT! WHAT D-DID I D-DO TO D-DESERVE THIS!" Yami bellowed, kicking the ice block a few dozen times.

"…W-Well…"

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"It's a r-rhetorical question!" Yami interrupted his other half, "Now we're go-going to be stuck here until you die!"

"What do you m-mean, until **I** die?" Yuugi protested.

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"_Hello_, bodiless soul se-sealed inside magical glo-glowing Puzzle over here," Yami replied, "Well, d-don't worry. We might n-not be here too long after all."

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"Do I even w-want to know what s-sort of twisted logic l-led you t-to that c-conclusion?" Yuugi sighed.

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Yami shrugged.

"If y-you don't want to kn-know about the giant wol-wolf right behind you, it's y-your loss…"

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Yuugi turned around. Sure enough, a really huge white wolf was sitting there, patiently watching them. It opened its mouth, revealing huge razor-sharp fang-lined jaws that could rip them both to shreds QUITE easily, and laughed at them.

REALLY laughed. Which confused Yuugi and Yami, who blinked, which made the wolf laugh even harder, which made Yuugi and Yami blink some more, until at last the wolf got control of itself, stopped laughing, and toothily beamed, "About TIME you two got here! I was beginning to think you'd turned into a pair of little ice pops!"


	40. Fashion is a heroic must

Hastily erected sign: Dear everybody, here is the next chapter. La-dee-freakin'-da. Now, if you'll excuse me (not that a failure to do so will stop me in any way) I need to go pry the idiot hikari off the video game. Seems thinking about Windwaker causes her to play it, and I want to watch TV. Ciao, lowly mortals!

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Disclaimer: Yugioh and Zelda are not owned here

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"This wolf ta-talks too!" Yuugi yelped, stating the obvious.

"Oh j-joy," Yami muttered, shivering some more.

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"Man, you guys really aren't that quick on the uptake, are you?" the white wolf blinked, "What with you going to the opposite end of Hyrule and all, I suspected something, but nothing _this_ bad!"

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"Huh?" blinked the two adventurers.

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"Oh great, I gotta explain EVERYTHING!" the white wolf sighed, "Okay you guys, you're on your way to find a Temple and rescue a Sage, in this case the Water Temple and Sage. Too bad for you guys, you went the wrong way. The Water Temple is in Lake Hylia, where the river goes, not way up here in Zora's Domain where it starts! I mean, they told me to wait here in case you got lost, but I didn't think it would actually HAPPEN!"

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"Who's they?" Yuugi asked.

"Don't interrupt!" the white wolf snapped, "Okay, maybe you were okay to come here first. I mean, how are you supposed to tackle the water temple when you can't swim like a Zora, what with it being underwater and all…and that's where I come in."

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The white wolf, ignoring Yuugi's confusion and Yami's sighs of 'of _course_ the next temple is below an _ocean_, if it was any _easier_ it would be _doable!_', clapped its big front paws together twice, making a wooden chest appear.

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"There you go! And as a special bonus treat," the white wolf added, "Your secret surprise gift will also let you walk out this room's secret exit passage!"

"Where's th-that supposed to be?" Yami asked, fearing what the answer might be.

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The white wolf rolled its eyes - these guys simply had no understanding of a basic concept like secrecy, none at all! - before pointing towards the watery hole in the snowy floor over by the back of the room. And when Yuugi gasped and Yami cursed, the white wolf took this as an excellent opportunity to leave and dove behind a snow bank, somehow mysteriously vanishing right away.

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"…That was a jo-joke, right? P-Please tell me it was," Yami groaned, staring at the watery hole.

"…M-Maybe with whatever's in the chest, it w-won't be so bad," Yuugi offered.

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"I d-doubt it," Yami sighed, but went over to the chest to open it anyway.

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Inside the chest was nothing like Yami or Yuugi had ever seen before. There were two heavy metal things shaped sort of like feet. Yuugi fluttered into the chest to read the plaque that explained things, which clarified things.

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"_Congratulations! You are now the proud owners of Hyrule Inc.'s latest and greatest creation, Iron Boots! Simply attach each Iron Ring to the appropriate foot, and with a flick of an ankle, you are absolutely guaranteed never to float again! After attaching, tap your left Ring with your right foot once to activate your Iron Boots. Tap again to deactivate them. Warning: If you breath with lungs only, turn Iron Boots off periodically so that you can surface, or else you will drown. Iron Boots may constitute a choking hazard, so keep out of reach of small children. That's right, we said that they 'may' constitute a choking hazard for children. Honestly, we're not really sure if kids could choke on these things, but better to be safe than sorry, eh?_"

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Yuugi stared at what he had just read aloud, then sighed, "Again, who comes up with this stuff?"

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Yami didn't answer. He was too busying staring at the Iron Boots, then at the frosty water-hole, looking like he was about to cry.

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Eventually, the Iron Boots were attached and activated, and Yami and Yuugi braved the depths of the ice-cold water. Actually, if it had been solid ice, it might have been warmer, but thankfully the water-filled tunnel that lead back to the cave entrance was remarkably short.

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"Think of it this w-way, at least you'll probably n-not get pneumonia, what with you be-being a bodiless s-soul and all…"

"Sh-shut up-p," Yami shivered, glaring pointedly at his smirking hikari. Just because it turned out fairies had the power to fly underwater without getting wet…even though it had been cold, Yami was the one still unhappily dripping water, the cowboy hat of his Goron Jacket soggy and unhappy-looking.

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One last flaming bat-thing tried attacking them before they left the cave. Yami, not in the mood to mess around, immediately skewered the little bugger on the end of the Master Sword, where it fluttered and screeched helplessly, making a VERY weird torch.

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This proved invaluable in thawing out Mako. The Duelist-of-the-Sea-cum-King-of-the-Fish-People seemed completely untroubled by his lengthy time frozen in warm ice, laughing it off as 'hardly as bad as the time I went fishing in Antarctica and those blasted penguins kept stealing my catch!'

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"Don't tell me you went swimming in **that?** It hardly looks comfortable at all!" Mako said next, tugging on the sagging rim of Yami's hat.

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"It wasn't so much s-swimming as walking around underwater," Yuugi mentioned.

"What were you doing, anyway?" Mako asked next.

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Yuugi filled Mako in on what had been going on - Yami was currently in denial about anything bad happening to him right now and wouldn't talk - and when he heard what Yami and Yuugi were going to have to do to fix the frozen mess Zora's Domain had become, he immediately offered to help.

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"If you're going to stay underwater for long periods of time, I think I might have something you can use!" Mako said, and ran to get something.

"When I first came, the Zoras wanted me to wear this so I wouldn't drown. I haven't needed it at all, of course, so here! I give it freely to you. They told me it was called a Zora Cape."

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It was more like a toga - the fanciest toga ever, made of delicately shimmering blue silk. Yami came out of his funk with enough bonking and Mako showed him how to put it on over his Goron Jacket, which was over their original green tunic-thing.

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The Zora Cape, when tied snugly in place, had holes leading to the holes leading to every single one of Yami's pockets, which was kind of freaky. But what really set things off was the hat that the Zora Cape came with. It was a big, blue silk turban, and Yami looked like he wanted to sink through the floor and never be seen again as Mako helped him put it on, while Yuugi giggled madly a safe distance away.

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With all the layers, Yami looked like he'd gained thirty-five pounds. On the other hand, the silk was of _excellent_ quality, which the ex-ruler of Egypt approved of whole-heartedly, and under all those layers it was decently WARM, which made Yami one happy spirit.

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"All right, if you need to go to the Lake, it should be on the other side of the big field, I think," Mako grinned as he saw the heroic duo to the staircase.

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"Will you be alright by yourself here?" Yami asked the fishing-fanatic.

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"No need to fear! I know I'll haul in a HUGE catch - yes, its been far too long since I went ice-fishing! Can you believe it? This place only gets better by the minute! WAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!"

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Mako gave Yami a hearty slap on the back and turned to rush off to his ice-fishing…completely missing the sight of Yami's sudden screeching decent down the huge staircase, with Yuugi following far more calmly via air.


	41. If I were a fish man

Yami Tulip-Jin: Hey there, people who actually came back to keep reading this fic (as strange as that is). AIBOU! GET IN HERE NOW!

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Tulip-Jin: Whatd'ya want know, yami? I'm very very VEEEEEEEEEERY busy right now, you know!

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Yami TJ: Doing what, pray tell?

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TJ: Well...not that its ANY of your business, but I _just_ finished Ocarina of Time! Now I have to get through Windwaker completely _twice_ and finish that last temple in Majora's Mask after I find my game guide...

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Yami TJ: And this, ladies and germs, is why this chapter took so long to post. There's something really wrong with my aibou, you know - **_WHO THE HECK PLAYS THREE ZELDA GAMES AT THE SAME TIME, HUH!_**

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TJ: Sheesh, Yami, you're acting like nobody's ever done it before. Am I right?

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(crickets chirp)

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TJ: Hello?

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Yami TJ: **_I REST MY CASE!_**

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Disclaimer: Zelda and Yugioh are not owned here

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"Well, as strange outfits and stuff goes, this one is pretty snazzy, don't you think Yami?" Yuugi asked his partner as they drove their horsecycle across the lovely, sunny, and warm Hyrule Field, looking for the way to Lake Hylia.

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"As a matter of fact, it's a little more modest than I'd prefer," Yami replied, "If you ask me, it needs some chains…lots and lots of silver chains!"

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"No one asked you," Yuugi sighed, "Can somebody tell me why, of all the Pharaohs in Egypt, I had to get the** GOTH** one?"

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"What's wrong with my taste in clothes?" Yami blinked.

"…If I haven't managed to explain it to you before now, you're never going to get it, so I give up," Yuugi said, sighing again.

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Yami shrugged to himself - who understood hikaris these days? - and concentrated on driving Epona through the field, looking for some sign of the lake.

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The sign ended up being pretty obvious - it was huge, lit with flashing neon lights, and said '**_THIS WAY TO LAKE HYLIA!_**' in all capital letters. Going in the direction of the jumbo-sized flashing arrow, our heroes found themselves driving into a narrow road lined with cliffs on either side. Down this road they drove, until at last Yami and Yuugi reached the end, where Lake Hylia lay before them, like an enormous shimmering sapphire jewel…

Or at least it WOULD have been, IF there had been WATER in the lakebed.

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And there was still some, _way_ out in the middle where some islands started rising out of the lake, but otherwise Lake Hylia had most definitely seen better and wetter days.

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"This actually makes sense," Yuugi mentioned, "If all the water at the beginning of the river is frozen solid, that means there would be less down here at the end."

"Maybe we should wait for the rest of it to freeze, then," Yami suggested, parking Epona near where the shore was supposed to be, "What do you think?"

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"…You just want to avoid being underwater," Yuugi retorted.

"What's your point?"

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Yuugi eyed his partner increasingly skeptically, until at last the silk-wrapped spirit sighed and said, "Fine, fine, let's just get this over with. The sooner we do this stupid annoying thing, the sooner we can go do something other possibly **less** stupid and annoying thing."

"That's the spirit."

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Deciding the direct way to be the best way to start, Yami started resolutely walking towards the water still left in the lake, Yuugi trailing along behind. Hitting the deep part, Yami activated the Iron Boots and sank below the surface. Thankfully, the flashy Zora Cape worked like a charm and Yami was pleased to discover he didn't even feel like he was underwater at all!

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At the very deepest park of the lake, right where the biggest island started, was an ancient-looking gate blocking a passageway that lead to (presumably) the Water Temple. Aside from a shimmering blue stone-stick-thing jammed into a little hole, located directly over the gate, there was no sign of how the thing could be opened.

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"Hmm," Yuugi said as he investigated the blue thing, "I think I get it. As long as this thing is up here, the gate stays locked. But its pretty old…looks like it'll fall apart if its jostled too much…"

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Yami, for his part, had already committed to going through this next temple of pain and misery, and was NOT about to let some stupid blue thing stand in his way. Yami whipped out his trusty Hookshot, took aim, and fired right at the blue thing. It was knocked out (with minimal damage, even: only cracked in three or four spots) and floated gently to the surface of the lake, while the gate slowly creaked open.

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"Just so you know, Yami, I'M not paying for what happens from your wanton property damage," Yuugi said as he following his Yami inside.

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The underwater tunnel sloped downwards, then flattened out, coming to a halt. Switching off the Iron Boots so he could climb out and onto a ledge, Yami found himself staring into the depths of the water temple - most of which was underwater.

After a great deal of regret and hesitation, Yami switched the Iron Boots back on and dived in, Yuugi following along behind. Wandering around the underwater hallways in the bottom of the temple, our pair of heroes turned a corner, only for Yami to clumsily slide to a halt and stare in shock at what was there.

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"Huh?" Yuugi blinked, having nearly rammed into the back of his partner's head, "Why did - OH! Its Miss Ishtar!"

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Sure enough, Isis Ishtar was standing before them. She was wearing the same outfit she had worn in Battle City, complete with fancy headdress, but it was made of the same blue silk as Yami's Zora Cape, keeping her from drowning - in fact, she didn't look like she was underwater at all.

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"Greetings, my Pharaoh," Isis said, "I have been expecting you for some time now."

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"What are you doing here?" Yami asked.

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"Do you recall saving the Zora Princess, seven years ago?" Isis said, "You may not know this, but it is that princess who is the sage of this temple."

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Yuugi made hiccupping sounds that sounded suspiciously like giggles. Trying to cover up for his momentary slip, the hikari asked, "Does that mean we have to look for Noa Kaiba in this temple?"

"As a matter of fact…" Isis began, and for a second she looked embarrassed.

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"It is I who is the Zora Princess of this time, seven years in the future."

0 

Yami spontaneously choked, but controlled himself right away, since Isis was clearly embarrassed enough already.

0

"All right…that means we just have to find the monster lurking in this temple and destroy it," Yami said, "Can you lead the way?"

"I am afraid that is something I cannot do," Isis replied, "It is destiny that you must conquer this temple on your own, my Pharaoh."

0

"I was afraid you were going to say that," Yami muttered, before bidding Isis goodbye and heading deeper into the temple.

0

0

The water temple made Yami and Yuugi long for Yami's insane-deathtrap-labyrinth of a soul room. The twisted maze of corridors asides, they had to lower the water level, then raise it, then lower it again, then raise it again, then lower it again, then raise it again, then raise it some more, then lower it again, then raise it again…

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There was a pause in this scintillating action when Yami, coming across a crude effigy of himself that SOMEONE (_coughMarikcough_) had made, ripped it to shreds and then sulked for over half an hour. After that, Yami and Yuugi found something relatively better - a wooden treasure chest.

0

The plaque inside the chest read thusly:

"_Congratulations! You are now the proud owners of Hyrule Inc.'s NEW latest and greatest creation, the Hookshot-Longshot Upgrade! Some assembly required. Well, actually, it's more like ALL assembly required. So please follow the attached written instructions closely - you won't get diddly-squat otherwise, you know._"

0 

Yuugi took a nap for the hour it took Yami to dissemble his Hookshot, add the new parts, and reassemble the damn thing. But because his new Longshot could kill things from twice the distance away as his Hookshot had, Yami didn't mind the work a whit.

0

0

Then it was back to raising the water yet again, then lowering it one more time to take care of an area they'd missed before, then raising it again and again before they FINALLY reached the room where the monster was waiting for them.

0

"This place makes my brain hurt," Yuugi groaned once they made it to the door.

"Honestly, they call this a temple, but how are you supposed to worship anyone inside this place?" Yami grumbled.

0

The last room (**HUZZAH!**) contained a large swimming pool and nothing else. The walls were lined with spikes and the water was a strange color of blue. Neither Yami or Yuugi felt like going for a swim - especially with that icky fleshy lump that was in there to meet them.

0

The fleshy lump said hello by reaching out with a tendril of the weird blue water, wrapping it around Yami's waist, and flinging him across the room, where he crashed into the wall with a horrific **BANG**, barely missing impaling himself on a spike.

0

"Oh no! It can control the water! We have to stay away from the sides of the pool, Yami!" Yuugi exclaimed.

0

"…Do me a favor…please work on your timing…" Yami groaned, climbing back to his feet.

"…Oops?"

0

The fleshy lump raised a new tendril of water, and Yami bolted for the nearest corner of the room - none of which contained any spikes, thankfully - to keep from being tossed around again. The tendril flopped around on the floor where the spirit had been, trying to figure out where he was, but for some reason it was unable to reach Yami's little corner of safety.

0

Apparently confused by this, the fleshy lump raised a new tendril straight up and out of the water by the opposite side of the pool. Then the lump… Was it swimming? Was it floating? Really, who could tell? Whatever it was doing, it moved to the tip of this new tendril, trying to get a better point of view.

0

"We can't hurt it if its all the way over _there_," Yuugi pointed out.

"…Thank you, Hyrule Inc.," Yami smirked, pulling out the Longshot.

0

The pool was wide enough that the Hookshot would not have reached even halfway across; the Longshot hit the fleshy lump dead-center. And because it was a soft, fleshy lump, when the point of the Longshot retracted, it yanked the monstrous ball of squishy evil back across the room towards Yami and Yuugi.

0

"EWW! Its stuck on the tip!" Yuugi squealed, as the fleshy lump writhed at their feet.

"Get off my weapon you filth!" Yami yelled, whipping out the Master Sword and proceeding to frantically hack at the squirming thing.

0

And that was the end of the fleshy lump of evil. The weird blue water evaporated into nothingness, as did the splatter mark which was all that was left of the lump. Yami and Yuugi barely had any time to register this, because the floor at their feet glowed blue and sucked them away.

0

0

Just like the other times, they reappeared in the Temple of Light. At first they were the only ones there, but then the blue platform glowed and Isis appeared, still in her Zoran silk finery.

0

"Thank you," she said, bowing, "Now that the monster's curse is broken, Zora's Domain will eventually thaw out."

"That's a relief," Yuugi sighed.

0

"And as the Sage of Water, my powers shall be able to aid you in your fight," Isis said, "Good luck, My Pharaoh."

0

And just like that, the blue light sucked Yami and Yuugi away again.


	42. MEET BOBASA!

Tulip-Jin: Hi guys! Its me, Tulip-Jin!

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Yami Tulip-Jin: ...They already know that.

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TJ: And that's my cranky yami!

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Yami TJ: ...Ya'll BETTER already know that!

0

TJ: And here's the special Thanksgiving chapter of this fic!

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Yami TJ: I suspect we already have one of these...if my hikari would just take the time to sit and write this stupid thing, I could get on with my afterlife...

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TJ: Ah, you're such a kidder, yami. If I spent all my time writing this, I wouldn't have time to work on the jumbo Zelda and Yugioh fics I'm going to post **after** this is done! Silly yami.

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Yami TJ:...

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Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh or Zelda

* * *

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Yami and Yuugi materialized on top of the big island in the middle of Lake Hylia. For a second, things seemed exactly the same…then with a steady _whooshing_ noise, the Lake filled back up with water.

0

"Well, you certainly don't see that every day," Yami blinked.

"CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR VICTORY!" a huge voice bellowed right behind them.

0

Pharaoh and fairy both screamed, jumped, and turned to see a very colossally humongous large man in a turban standing directly behind them. Somehow, he'd managed to sneak up on them, but HOW was anyone's guess…

0

"Who are you? What do you want? …And do you think its FUNNY to sneak up on people like that!" Yami demanded.

"I am called Bobasa!" the very large man said, "I am here as a guide, and your ally! I promise that I am not an enemy, Great Pharaoh! …Oh, and yes, I do find that taking people by surprise is usually very amusing."

0

Yami blinked in consternation. Then Yuugi spoke up.

"Wait…if you're supposed to be guiding us around…then where have you been until now? We've been going in circles!"

0

Bobasa looked very sad.

"I ask for your forgiveness, Master Yuugi. Truthfully, you were supposed to be guided by another, but the one that was chosen left, saying he needed a vacation VERY badly **and** that he wanted to go guide some people who would listen to him and appreciate his hard work."

"I wonder what he meant by that?" Yuugi blinked.

0

"Unfortunately, I could not get here quickly. Certain songs that were to help you have been beamed telepathically to you, in hopes that you would learn them on your own, but it doesn't look like either of you heard them," Bobasa continued.

0

"Ah-HAH!" Yuugi exclaimed, "**That's** why I kept hearing that strange music from nowhere! And _you_ said I was going insane again, Yami."

"I never said that," Yami protested.

"Yami. I can hear what you think. Its called a 'Mind-Link'," Yuugi replied.

0

"Anyway," Yami said, "If you are our guide, Bobasa, what do we do now?"

"First, you must take this magic arrow!" Bobasa grinned, pulling a magic arrow out of nowhere and handing it over, "This will allow you to shoot arrows that are on fire."

0

"Neat," Yuugi said.

"Does it work on things besides arrows?" Yami asked, fingering his new Longshot.

"No," Bobasa said, "Secondly, take this sheet of music! Each of these songs has the power to magically warp you to a temple that you have conquered, Great Pharaoh! Master Yuugi can also use these songs to warp to the temples…when the time is right, of course."

0

"Huh? What's that mean, Bobasa?" Yuugi blinked - Yami was already engrossed in the sheet of music and wasn't paying attention.

"Well…it…uh…OH MY GOSH! LOOK OVER THERE!" Bobasa cried, pointing to some spot behind Yami and Yuugi.

0

They turned, looked, and saw nothing…but when they turned back, Bobasa had vanished as mysteriously as he had arrived. Yuugi felt his headache getting worse by the second, but Yami just shrugged and went back to reading up on the Ocarina music they had missed.

0

The songs had weird names: Minuet of Forest, Bolero of Fire, and Serenade of Water. Playing them made Yami and Yuugi warp right to the otherwise useless stone platforms they had noticed by the entrance of each temple. The two of them quickly decided that the Minuet and the Serenade would definitely be useful. The Bolero, for all its delightful catchiness, left them stranded in Death Mountain's volcanic crater again, which Yami and Yuugi had already MORE than had their fill of.

0

Once that was taken care of and they were back at Lake Hylia, they swam for the beach where Epona was still waiting, Yami wrung himself out, and they mounted their horsecycle to look for the next temple.

Because they had never passed this close by this edge of Hyrule Field, Yami and Yuugi immediately noticed the area where the grassed faded into reddish-colored stone and scrubby bushes. And because this was a very obviously unusual place, Yami wheeled Epona around and drove into the stony area, leaving Hyrule Field behind.

0

The flat, stony area turned into a winding stony passageway, which ended at a little pond fed by a spring. There was a wide, sturdy plank stretched over the pond, connecting the passageway to the top of a ledge that lead further into whatever area they were in right now.

Driving Epona up the plank, Yami and Yuugi found themselves confronted with a wider, even more stonier area that was bisected by a wide hole in the ground. There had once been a bridge that allowed people to walk across the bridge, but it was long smashed to pieces now. Parking Epona a safe distance away, our heroes peered over the edge and saw that there was a river in bottom…way, way, way, WAY far down below where they were right now.

0

The sign posted right by the edge of the canyon said it all…sort of.

'_Welcome to Gerudo Valley, home of the Gerudo. If you don't know who they are…_' here, the original words had been crossed out and replaced with a scribble of '_They are very friendly and beautiful women who LOVE visitors. Feel free to drop by! C'mon, what are you, chicken? You won't want to miss this, trust us!_' 

Right below that, the sign added, '_Oh, and this thing right in front of you is just the River Gorge. You'll probably live if you fall in, but jumping won't do you any good!_'

0

"Hey, there's a tent over there!" Yuugi said, spotting a big white tent that had been erected on the other side of the gorge.

"The Gerudo must be over there, then," Yami said, "Hmm…now where have I heard the word Gerudo before…?"

0

Not bothering to wait for Yami's long-term memory to kick in, Yuugi flew right over to the other side - only to zip back at full speed, exclaiming, "We have to get over there right away! Its Honda!"

"Huh? What's he doing over there?" Yami blinked, having lost his previous train of thought.

0

Yuugi rolled his eyes.

"I didn't stop to chat, you know, now come on! We need to find a way to get you over this gorge, Yami…and as a matter of fact, I have an idea…"

Moments later, Yami was standing where the bridge used to end on their side of the gorge and taking aim with the Longshot. Not at all comforted by the idea that falling into a river from such a high place wasn't completely fatal, Yami targeted the other side and fired, yanking himself across within seconds.

0

Honda was very surprised to see his friends walk up, even if Yuugi looked taller and Yami was a different color than he'd been seven years ago. In fact, Honda was glad enough to see them that he made no comment on what the hell was that that Yuugi was wearing whatsoever…

0

"What are you doing here, Honda? The last time we saw you, you were helping fix up Kakariko Village," Yuugi said.

"Yeah, and we finished, too - have you seen it yet? It looks totally awesome!"

0

When Yami and Yuugi both agreed that a most wonderful job had been done by all (somehow), Honda's expression grew more serious.

"Well, once we finished, we basically had nothing to do but go find something else to fix…and the second we walked across this bridge, it collapsed! That was a while ago, actually…"

0

"So why haven't you been trying to fix it?" Yami wondered, "Surely the others…"

"Hmph!" huffed Honda, "The second we got here, Rex, Weevil, and Duke all ran off to the fortress where the Gerudo live! They all said being carpenters was boring and that they'd rather be thieves surrounded by gorgeous women! I sent Espa Roba and his brothers to try and talk some sense into them, but none of them came back…not even one of Espa Roba's brothers. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't think that's a good sign…"

0

"Why didn't you go to check out this fortress, Honda?" Yuugi asked - an innocent enough question, considering that Yuugi knew how his friend's mind.

"It doesn't matter HOW beautiful and gorgeous those hundreds of Gerudo women might be," Honda declared, "There isn't a woman in the world that can compare to the absolute beauty of my Shizuka! Ever since you told us she was here, Yuugi, I've been wanting to ditch those guys and go see her…but I can't get back across without a bridge, and I can't build a bridge by myself…"

Honda looked so depressed at this point that Yuugi offered to go and look for the rest of the would-be carpenters. Even though this meant his rival for Shizuka's affections would be returning as well, Honda agreed, and Yuugi tugged an unconcerned Yami along behind him, down the road that Honda said lead to the Gerudo Fortress.

0

The area known as the Gerudo Fortress had a very strange layout. It was filled with blocky, mud-brick buildings, with a wall and one large gate at the far end of the area blocking off entrance to - a desert? It was probably because of that desert that the whole area was VERY warm. Overall, the fortress seemed deserted.

"Wow," Yami blinked, walking deeper into the Fortress, "This actually reminds me of Egypt."

0

Abruptly, a shrill whistle exploded from behind them. Turning, Yami and Yuugi saw that a very tanned woman with long red hair was charging at them, holding a very big spear, and yelling "_HALT! INTRUDER!_"

Half a dozen more women with spears were converging on them in seconds, and before they were officially caught, Yuugi had just enough time to mention to his other half, very casually, "So Egypt had these aggressive women too?"

0

Yami just quietly raised his hands and glared at his smirking hikari.


	43. You escaped in THAT outfit?

Tulip-Jin: **_HIIIII! WE'RE BAAAAACK!_**

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Yami Tulip-Jin: After weeks and weeks of my aibou going, 'I can't think of anything funny! I can't write if I can't think of anything FUNNY!'

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TJ: ...Errr...well, that's all in the past! And since we're gonna go away for Christmas, this is the last chapter posting of the year! Well, probably.

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Yami TJ: Your confidence is overwhelming. Overwhelmingly painful to be around, that is.

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TJ: And since when have I ever listened to you? ON WITH THE FIC!

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Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh or Zelda. As in, other people own them, NOT ME! Get it? Got it? Good.

* * *

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"Will you stop _squirming!_ It's _hard_ to undo a knot the size of your own body, you know!" Yuugi complained as he tugged for all he was worth.

The currently hog-tied and gagged ex-Pharaoh, whom Yuugi was busily trying to free, only glared harder, completely pissed off at the situation.

0

Whoever was supposed to be running this fortress was out at the moment; for lack of any orders, the guards of the Fortress had decided to simply throw Yami into a cell and forget about him. To make certain he wouldn't be able to cause any trouble (because they were too busy to take any of his weapons away for some reason) Yami had been tied up like a trussed pig and gagged to keep him from complaining. However, the Gerudo had made the mistake of ignoring Yuugi-the-fairy, and now he was working to free his partner.

0

The second his arms were free, Yami ripped off the gag and spat, trying to get the cottony taste out of his mouth, while working the kinks out of his aching body. Not only was being tied up sore on the limbs, the former pharaoh had been tossed into the cell like a sack of beans, with little regard for whatever pointy objects he might have to land on top of.

Like a Longshot, for example.

0

Yuugi took this time to check the surrounding area for any sign of guards. There weren't any, but that was probably because this particular cell had been built high into one of the cliffs surrounding the Fortress. Aside from the hole in the ceiling that Yami had ungracefully entered through, the only way out was through a window, which overlooked a vertical drop of at least fifty meters onto hard rock. From this vantage point, one could see the guards patrolling the Fortress - all of who, by the way, looked just like little red-and-purple ants.

"So, now what do we do?" the hikari/fairy asked, as soon as he had finished relaying all this information. 

"The only thing to do is to take a look around and see if the others are still here, I suppose," Yami shrugged, "We must be VERY cautious - I do NOT want to be stuck like that again."

0

Though the windowsill was too high for anyone without wings to get onto, there was a wooden screen propped open to block out the worst sunlight. After Longshotting to the sill, Yami eyed the drop apprehensively, while Yuugi watched the guards patrolling until their movements became obvious.

Then Yami aimed the Longshot inside of the nearest doorway, waited for the nearest guard to look away, and fired, yanking himself down the fifty-meter drop and into that doorway with minimal pain and suffering.

0

Inside, the many squat buildings of the Gerudo Fortress were connected by intertwining passageways. In a few, there were some more guards, so Yuugi scouted ahead at every corner to make sure it was safe.

Within minutes, they had found one of the main regular cells. This one was packed, but that was because Espa Roba and his brothers were inside.

0

"Oh! You're that Yuugi kid, aren't you?" Espa Roba said when Yami walked up.

0

"Why does everyone I meet start with those words?" Yuugi groaned. 

"**You** meet? He's talking to **me**," Yami quickly shot back.

0

Ignoring Espa Roba's confused expression, Yami turned to the ESP duelist and asked if he knew where the key to his cell was.

0

"I think they hid it around here somewhere…" unable to remember exactly where, Espa Roba shrugged and said, "If you manage to get us free, can you go look for the other carpenters? My brothers and I were supposed to bring them back, but we'd get caught if we tried wandering around this place again."

0

Yuugi was happy to inform him that the two of them had come for that exact reason, while Yami rummaged in some of the pots that were sitting around in case the key was in there. When that turned up nothing, Yami, not interested in going key-hunting, took out his Longshot - the answer to all of his afterlife's problems - fitted it into the keyhole on the cell door, and fired.

The lock was instantly blasted into half, and the door easily slid open. Espa Roba thanked them and proceeded to lead his brothers back the way Yami and Yuugi had come…how they were supposed to escape that way, no one knows, but since they weren't immediately dragged back, it must have worked.

0

More creeping, slinking, and running later, Yami had opened the cells containing Weevil and Rex the same way. Both duelists-carpenters had taken off without so much as a thank-you. Then, after some more sneaking - and giving one guard an concussion with a fairy (Yuugi was not amused) - Duke was finally freed. He promised to swear off beautiful desert women for life - really, how could he have thought they were any comparison to his darling Shizuka? - and took off, determined not to let Honda win the heart of their beloved maiden…leaving Yami and Yuugi behind to sweat-drop at this embarrassing display.

0 

"Okay…we've freed everybody…so…what happens now?" Yuugi wondered after a few moments.

"This was a waste of time," Yami grumbled, "What we need is to find more of those 'Temple' places…who are we supposed to ask now?" 

"It would be my great honor to assist you in your endeavor, My Pharaoh!" a voice spontaneously declared from right behind our heroes.

Yami and Yuugi jumped and whirled…only to find a familiar man standing respectfully right behind them.

0

"_Odion?_ You're here too!" Yuugi gasped.

"Oh, of _course_," the hikari-fairy blinked next, "If Marik and Miss Ishtar are here…"

0

"…You do know Yami Malik is wandering around terrorizing everyone, right?" Yami asked.

"I am aware," Odion said, shifting uncomfortably, "But I cannot do anything about him at the moment. I made an oath to my master that I would run this fortress in his absence, and I cannot abandon my post for any reason."

0

"Your master?" Yami asked. 

"Master Malik. He is the one in charge of this Fortress…and until he returns, I cannot leave my post under any circumstances."

"Well, where did he go?" Yuugi asked.

"When we first arrived in this place, and found ourselves in this Fortress," Odion explained, "Master Malik heard news that his dark side had also appeared, and was using the Spirit Temple in the desert as a base of operations. Master Malik said he would not let his dark side cause anymore pain and anguish, and told me to protect the Fortress while he sought out and destroyed his wicked half." 

"Judging from the current state of Hyrule, I highly doubt that he succeeded," Yami said.

"Even so, I know my master is still alive, and still at the Temple. He must be a prisoner there, but I cannot leave my post, not even to rescue him…"

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Odion looked completely heartbroken, and as usual, Yuugi immediately offered to go out and rescue Malik. Since Malik was sort of his responsibility, even if he didn't really share Yuugi's saving-people-thing, Yami backed his hikari up on the offer.

"The Spirit Temple lies across the Haunted Wasteland," Odion explained, "Those who venture out unprepared always lose their way and find themselves back where they started. I am afraid, My Pharaoh, that as you are now, you would suffer the same fate." 

"What do we need, then?" Yami asked.

"It is a relic called the Eye of Truth," Odion explained, "With it, one may see past deceptions and unmask illusions. The last I heard of it, it was kept somewhere within Kakariko Village…"

"Well, we'll just head over there, find it, and head right back. No sweat!" Yuugi grinned.

0

"Before you leave, one more thing."

When Yami turned to look back, Odion handed him a slip of paper.

"This membership pass will allow you free access to the Fortress," Odion explained, "From now on, you may come and go as you like, with no fear of imprisonment. Good fortune to you, My Pharaoh…"

0

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With that, our heroes took their leave of the Gerudo Fortress. Back at the gorge in the Gerudo Valley, they found the rescued carpenters exhausted, the bridge rebuilt, and Honda looking happy and smug to have his workforce back.

Epona, who had been getting a little bored, nudged Yami vigorously before letting him get on, after which the horsecycle, ex-pharaoh, and hikari-fairy all drove on their merry way, to Hyrule Field and Kakariko Village. It was a completely uneventful trip - well, a ghost appeared and started throwing fire at them, but Yami ran it over with Epona and even thought it had already _technically_ been dead…well, that finished that - and Yami left Epona parked in the field, what with Kakariko's no-horsecycle-driving laws and all…

0

So, walking through the main gate and finding the village on FIRE…was a little bit weird.

"What the HELL?" Yami exclaimed.

0

Kakariko, having an excellent fire safety program, even if there were no firefighters, was completely deserted. At least it looked that way - a sudden surge of movement, over at the town well, showed that something was still here.

Going to investigate - even though Yuugi was insisting, loud and repeatedly, that going further into a village that was on FIRE was LESS of a brilliant idea than Yami thought - there was nothing. Had it been a trick of the light?

0

The gigantic shadowy THING that exploded out of the depths of the well with earthshaking force suggested that it had not. The shadowy thing soared through the air, jumped from roof to roof - then made an abrupt one-eighty and charged right towards Yami and Yuugi from behind like a raging bull.

As you might expect, Yami and Yuugi both lost consciousness after that.


	44. Why does this keep happening?

Tulip-Jin: Um...yeah. About this whole 'Not posting for almost two months' thing... What can I say -

(Authoress dives under nearby rock, labeled '**Emergency Mob-Repelling Rock of Doom**' in flashing neon letters)

TJ: _WAAHHH! DON'T KILL MEEEEEEEEEEEE!_

Disclaimer: See the last chapter, fool

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- 

-

-

Rain splattering on his face was what woke Yami back up. Not that he wanted to wake up - he felt like he'd gone five rounds with an angry earthquake and lost.

"_Owww_…" Yuugi whimpered, also regaining consciousness, "…Who sat on me?"

Yami, as one might expect, was a little too concerned with his own horrible, ungodly pain to respond. NOW it felt like a house the size of Mt. Fuji had mistaken him for a chair, and the three enormous turban-wearing guys hovering over his head certainly weren't making him any less dizzy.

…

…

…

…

…Wait…

"OH! You are all right!" Bobasa cheered, "Bobasa is SO HAPPY!"

'And I SO want to be DEAD right now," whatever was left of Yami's brain sarcastically answered.

Oh wait, he was already dead, right? Wow, that was fast… 

While Yami pulled the splintered remains of his brain back together, Yuugi, who was slightly less concussed at the moment, took it upon himself to keep the conversation going.

"Um…" Yuugi groaned, "Bobasa? What happened?"

Bobasa was quiet for a second. Then he burst into very loud tears.

"Oh, Master Yuugi! I am such a terrible guide! CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME?"

"Ow! - I mean, yes! Just - just calm down!" Yuugi exclaimed, vainly trying to grab his head in his arms to keep his poor, abused skull from exploding from the horrible sound.

"But I am such a FAILURE!" Bobasa sobbed, "I was so hungry…and truly, I did not think you would come back to Kakariko during the short while I was taking my mid-mid-mid-early-mid-late afternoon snack! I was supposed to prevent you from entering the village until after HE finished his terrible rampage!"

Unnoticed on the ground, Yami was twitching at the never-ending streams of LOUD noises the other two were currently torturing him with.

Pulling himself back together, Yuugi said, "Wait! Is that what was happening? Someone was destroying Kakariko Village? Who?"

"Oh, such a terrible thing to befall this poor village!" Bobasa sobbed, "For you see, a spirit of great and awful power was once sealed away! And tonight, because of the influence of the Evil Pharaoh -"

Yami twitched more. He was ignored.

"The seal on the spirit loosened, and HE came out! And full of rage, HE attacked this village, before fleeing into the Shadow Temple to plot further revenge!"

"The…Shadow Temple?" Yuugi blinked, sounding distinctly uneasy.

"Yes," sniffled Bobasa, who was getting himself back under control, "A Temple, constructed solely for dealings with the deepest darkness. It lies beyond and below the graveyard behind this very village, and I fear for everyone now that HE is inside! WHICH IS WHY IT WAS SO TERRIBLE OF ME NOT TO STOP YOU ENTERING!"

Sobbing noisily again, Bobasa grabbed both Yuugi and Yami in an impulsive crushing hug. At least Yami was still too out of it to pay much attention to the scary sounds his spine was starting to make.

Thankfully, Bobasa let go before they were almost completely killed/re-killed. Yuugi repeated reassurances of 'Don't cry,', 'It's not your fault,', and 'PLEASE stop crying!' before Bobasa finally cheered up a little.

"Say, Bobasa," Yuugi said after a moment's thought, "Do you think this Shadow Temple has a Sage we need to save?"

"Ah, well…"

Bobasa hesitated, then grinned sheepishly.

"Yes, Master Yuugi, there IS a Shadow Sage. And in fact, there is no question that she must be rescued. Especially since she has gone into the Shadow Temple, wanting to make certain HE would not come back out to terrorize the village again. Unfortunately, Master Yuugi, you will not be able to go through the Shadow Temple without a certain item…"

"What item?" Yuugi asked.

"Unfortunately, HE destroyed the item during his rampage," Bobasa said, "It was in the same place HE escaped from, and HE knew that without it, no one would be able to find him inside the Shadow Temple."

"That's not good," Yuugi frowned, "What could it have been?"

"I believe it was a magical device called an 'Eye of Truth'," Bobasa replied.

"WHAT!" Yuugi yelped, "But THAT was what we came here to get, in order to get into the SPIRIT Temple! How can we finish either of these temples now?"

"Actually, you still can!" Bobasa grinned, "It is quite a simple riddle, Master Yuugi, and I am certain you already know the answer. Now, WHEN is it that you can find something that has been lost forever?"

"Uh…"

Yuugi blinked in stupefaction. During that split-second of eye-blinking, Bobasa vanished. At the same time, a piece of paper fluttered down to land on Yami's face. The not-quite-as-insensate-as-he-appeared spirit sighed in resigned annoyance as he pulled the paper off his face and held it up.

"Aibou," Yami said, sounding almost calm somehow, "He meant we have to go back to the time when it HASN'T been lost."


	45. Blast to the Past

Disclaimer: If I do not own Zelda, then I do not own Yugioh. I do not own Zelda. Therefore, I do not own Yugioh either. (Ain't logic fun?)

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"Why are we doing this? I mean, this has to be the craziest thing I've ever heard of," Yuugi protested.

"Oh really? You mean that this is actually crazier than that idea of Jou's for you to -" Yami began, smirking.

"NEVER MIND!" Yuugi announced, glaring at his other half - and Yuugi could have sworn Yami was asleep for THAT, ahem, particular 'conversation' with Jou…

After much realigning of Yami's spine, arguing, studying of the paper (Which had two nifty warping songs on it; the 'Prelude to Light' and the 'Nocturne of Shadow') more arguing, and some practice of warping around Hyrule, Yami and Yuugi were back where it had all begun.

Well, not really. They were ACTUALLY standing inside the Temple of Time, right in front of the Pedestal of Time, which was behind the Door of Time. (see any kind of pattern forming here?)

"The point is," Yuugi continued, stubbornly ignoring the amused looks his other half was giving him, "We don't know what will happen if you stick the Master Sword back! It could be really bad, you know."

"Either we'll end up looking like idiots, or the world will end. You've said that at least ten times by now, Aibou," Yami said, rolling his eyes, "Why did I end up with such a fearful other half?"

Yuugi muttered something unflattering to himself as Yami drew the Master Sword and attempted to stick it back into the Pedestal of Time. At first, the sword didn't go into the stone at all. Yuugi was just about to point out how stupid this looked - like Yami was trying to dig a tiny little hole in the rock with the sword - when the Master Sword suddenly slid into place.

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There was a huge flash of light, and Yuugi pressed his hands against his face, waiting for the flashing in his vision to go away. So much for his retinas, the hikari thought to himself glumly - and blinked, registering what he was doing. With his HANDS?

Sure enough, Yuugi was back in a real body! It was the same pointy-eared, green-dressed body he'd been in before the Master Sword had made the two of them exchange places! Which meant -

"**DAMMIT!** I forgot about this part!" Yami yelled, once again a fluttering crimson fairy, "Changed my mind - you're right, this WAS a stupid idea - pull out the sword, quick!"

"Never!" Yuugi exclaimed, an illegally-bright grin lighting up the entire room, and charged for the exit.

Being repeatedly bopped on the head by an upset fairy was worth being in a proper body again, Yuugi thought to himself, still grinning merrily away as they wandered around the still-intact Hyrule Castle Town Market of seven years ago. Eventually, though, the euphoria wore off and Yuugi remembered why they were back in the past.

"We need to go back to Kakariko, right?" Yuugi asked.

"I didn't want to make this switch for the good of my _health_, you know," Yami growled.

Happy hikaris were all well and good, but Yuugi'd been enjoying himself a little _too_ much, if you asked him, the spirit was thinking to himself.

"Alright, alright, fine! Sheesh, what a grumpy little fairy partner you are, Mister Ex-Pharaoh," Yuugi said.

Yuugi waited all of two seconds for his words to register, then ran like the wind, a slightly enraged Yami hot on his heels. They made the trip from Hyrule Castle Town to Kakariko in no time at all, went past a confused Honda with barely a wave, and almost killed themselves trying to screech to a halt before hitting the well at full speed.

As soon as Yami was finished with his murderous rage, our heroes attempted to enter the well. There was a problem, though - the well in the past was still full of water, and the Zora Cape had apparently failed to cross over from the future. It was the same for most of the nice things they had acquired in the future, including Yami's Longshot. Hoping to distract Yami from that - Yuugi didn't think his stomach could take Yami grieving for his shiny happy hook of ass-whoopings - Yuugi suggested they check the windmill.

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The sound of snazzy jazz music that hit them when they opened the door to the windmill reminded the pair why they had been ignoring it in the first place. Apparently, Johnny Steps and his favorite video game were one of those things that transcended years as well as searing retinas.

And the plan our heroes made to deal with this situation was very simple: Yami fluttered around Johnny's head. Distracted by the flying shiny-shiny, Johnny didn't notice Yuugi sneaking up to fiddle/tamper with the controls of his DDR machine. Once that was completed, Yuugi hid and Yami vanished into the rafters. Saddened by the loss of his flying shiny-shiny, Johnny prepared for a new game on the machine. However, Yuugi had rigged it so that it only played the fastest songs at the highest level of game play, and while the dancing fool tried desperately to keep up, the music went faster and faster and the windmill spun around quicker and quicker…eventually it was running with such great force that it sucked the well dry of water.

Abandoning the confused and exhausted Johnny Steps to the mercy of his DDR machine, Yami and Yuugi climbed down the ladder conveniently built into the side of the well, and entered the little watery pit of darkness.


	46. Dank and Dark and Icky Things

...MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

You all thought I was dead, didn't you!

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Yeah, I know that's no excuse for a short chapter. Well...too bad!

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Disclaimer: See last chapter, non-attention-paying peoples

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Many hours later, it was a filthy, grimy and QUITE unhappy pair that climbed back out of the well.

"Shower…need shower…" Yuugi groaned.

"What's WRONG with this Ra-forsaken dimension!" Yami growled, "There are more undead creatures than there is anything else!"

For you see, the last several hours in Yami and Yuugi's little adventure had included monsters such as Redeads, invisible pit holes, more Redeads, pulsating gobs of flesh that enjoyed snacking on their equipment, even more Redeads, flying skulls that were on spiders, even MORE Redeads, evil giant spiders, EVEN MORE Redeads, and one particularly foul specimen with fifty arms that just-so-happened to be in the room where their prize had been located.

The only good thing that had happened really had been the discovery of that large wooden chest inside the room with the many-armed-sneaky-monster-o'-leprosy-and-big-sharp-pointy-teeth. Inside this chest was a weird thing -and considering what Yami and Yuugi had gone through at this point, that was really saying something.

The plaque inside the chest read: '_Lens Of Truth. Use to see through illusions and detect ghosts and other stuff like that. Does not allow user to look through walls, doors, clothes, or other solid objects - and get your damn mind out of the gutter, you little perv!_'

The Lens of Truth was a large, purple circle of glass that hung from a strap. Yuugi tested it out right away and discovered that the strap was most helpful when tied around his forehead to keep the Lens in place. With the help of the Lens, Yuugi made his way back to the entrance of the crypt beneath the well with no further problems - unless you counted stepping in some of the squishy, unidentifiable things on the floor a problem…

Even though it was nighttime now, Yuugi determinedly returned to Hyrule Field and jumped in the river. While Yuugi rinsed himself off as best he could, Yami floated overhead, keeping an eye on the few zombie skeletons that were hanging about near the banks of the river, wondering what the crazy short Hylian brat was up to at this time of night.

The next day found Yuugi happy and clean. Yuugi became a little less happy when it occurred to him that there was no reason for Yami and himself to remain in the past any longer - which would mean that Yuugi was going to have to be a fairy again - but somehow the hikari managed to persevere. With only a FEW minutes' hesitation, Yuugi drew the Master Sword from the Pedestal of Time behind the Door of Time in the Temple of Time (c'mon, doesn't anyone else notice a pattern?).

Either seven years later or not long afterwards, depending on where you were standing, Yami and Yuugi found themselves in the graveyard once again. They carefully avoided the grave leading to Bones' crypt while they searched for the entrance to the Shadow Temple. When Yuugi finally found it, it turned out that the entrance was impossible to get to on foot, being hidden behind a tall fence on a tall cliff right behind the graveyard…thankfully, Yami remembered how to play the Nocturne of Shadow.

The pair appeared in an underground room filled with unlit torches and a stone door. Upon closer inspection, Yami discovered a mark in the center of the floor that looked sort of like a flame…which he and Yuugi vaguely recalled from their unpleasant little adventure in the Fire Temple…and they hadn't really tried that 'Din's Fire' spell out yet anyway…

One blinding, searing, flaming wall of fire later, the room was lit quite brightly and the stone door yawned open. Even though the light from the fifty or so torches seemed unable to penetrate the tunnel beyond the door in a very-VERY creepy way, Yami and Yuugi screwed up their courage and ventured forward…into the darkness…

…But somehow, Yami hadn't really expected this temple to be so…well, so noisy. But it was. The first wall he and Yuugi came to, one that seemed to block their path, had a smiling face painted on it. By using the Lens of Truth, it was made very obvious that the wall was an illusion - there was a room behind it - but before either Yami o Yuugi could pass through the illusionary wall, the face spoke.

"I'd be very careful in there if I were you…" the face on the illusionary wall said calmly, "Just having the Lens of Truth won't protect you from all the hidden secrets…"

After giving them both a heart attack by speaking, the face refused to say anything more. Yami felt a chill of foreboding creep down his spine as they pushed through the illusion and moved onwards.


End file.
